Paying for weddings

[Miss Chicken]

I was listening to two ladies talking on the bus and one of them was bemoaning the fact that the bride's family wasn't paying for the full cost of her son's wedding.

Do you think that, in this day and age, that the bulk of the wedding should be paid by the bride's family?

Personally I think the couple should consider the wedding their expense and that they should be grateful for any money their parents put towards it.

 

[Kestra]

I think things should be paid for by whoever wants it and can afford it.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

My wedding cost $1000 which came out of a car accident settlement.

Should I ever get married again, I will probably be just as cheap unless the bride-to-be insists on spending a lot--in which case it will be her money (or her parents' money).

 

[Kestra]

I had a big expensive wedding and I loved it.

 

[Miss Chicken]

I also had a cheap wedding. I was married more than 30 years ago. I bought my own wedding dress and we had drinks at our place following the ceremony which my husband paid for. My father paid the marriage celebrant and gave me $1000 as a present (these were his only expenses). We didn't have a honeymoon.

 

[Biffette]

I had a big expensive wedding and I loved it.

Ditto. My husband wanted a fancy wedding and my dad offered to pay via the reimbursement method and it worked out well.

 

[Spot's Meow]

I would agree with you Miss Chicken, I would take it upon myself to pay for my own wedding, and hope that maybe my parents or his could chip in for our honeymoon or something similar. My sister obviously didn't feel the same way; she got engaged at a young(ish) age when she had no money to her name and just expected my parents to foot the bill. It wasn't a huge or expensive wedding by any means, but my parents had to save up for it and my sister and her husband contributed nothing. If her husband had a family that could contribute my parents or sister might have expected that to happen, but in reality he has very little family and they had their own issues to deal with, many did not even come to the wedding.

My parents didn't complain a lot about it, but I would just feel very uncomfortable asking them to pay for my wedding. I feel that should be my expense.

 

[Jen]

If my boyfriend and I ever got married, all the costs would come out of our pockets. My parents are dead, and his are frugal. However, in my opinion, a wedding is just a giant party hosted by the bride and groom. If they can't afford a huge wedding, they should't have one.

 

[Ar-Pharazon]

My wedding cost $1000 which came out of a car accident settlement.

Should I ever get married again, I will probably be just as cheap unless the bride-to-be insists on spending a lot--in which case it will be her money (or her parents' money).

Or you could have a much bigger car accident

 

[Kestra]

Maybe it's a cultural thing, but my parents would have been offended if they couldn't pay for my wedding. They saved up for it starting when I was young. I actually wanted something smaller and they're the ones who wanted the big wedding.

 

[farmkid]

I sure hope the tradition of the bride's family paying for the wedding has gone out of favor by the time my 5 daughters get married. Otherwise, I'll probably strongly encourage them to elope if I think I can get away with it. Well, not really, but I am trying to instill good money management and frugality into my children, so maybe they'll realize what a waste of money a big wedding is and go cheap.

 

[DonIago]

^If it's what the bride and groom want and it's something they can afford, I wouldn't call doing what makes them happy and what may be one of the defining moments of their lives a waste of money.

 

[RoJoHen]

If you want an expensive wedding, it should be your responsibility to fund it. If you have people who want to volunteer their money to your cause, more power to you, but you should not expect anyone to do it.

 

[DonIago]

No argument here.

 

[Dream]

Just another reason never to get married!

 

[Spot's Meow]

Maybe it's a cultural thing, but my parents would have been offended if they couldn't pay for my wedding. They saved up for it starting when I was young. I actually wanted something smaller and they're the ones who wanted the big wedding.

My parents have always tried to instill financial self-sufficiency in their four daughters. We were/are expected to pay for our own college educations, cars, weddings, etc. They help out with gifts sometimes and things like cosigning on my car to get a lower rate, but we are basically expected to do it on our own. I would feel horrified if I had to ask my parents for money, though I'm sure if I did they would try to help out (to an extent). That's why it was a little surprising for my sister to automatically expect my parents to pay for her wedding, but she has always been more romantic and less practical than the rest of us.

Also, I can't imagine my parents being offended at not having to pay for anything. We are a frugal bunch.

 

[MHT1138]

My father told me when I was a teenager that he wouldn't pay for my wedding. I mentioned that in passing to my mother a couple of months later, and she was like well we would pay for part of it. I guess they haven't figured it out either.
When my brother got married they didn't have much money, but my sister-in-law's family which is very big would not have let her have a small wedding, even though they would not have been able to contribute much to pay for it. So they just told her parents and my parents and eloped to Las Vegas. Everyone else was sent an announcement after the deed was done. I wasn't told, but I did figure it out. My parents hosted the reception at their house.

 

[DonIago]

It's kind of funny to be reading this thread now when my brother will (theoretically) be married in under a week. He lives about 6 hours away from me and I only see him a couple of times a year usually, so it's not really a big deal for me. I'm not the Best Man and I think everyone thought that was sensible. As for the budget...he proposed to his fiancee on an iceberg in Alaska or something that they flew to by helicopter, so I damn well don't even want to know.

 

[propita]

I was married with my parents as witnesses, so there were 5 people there: me, Hubby, my parents, and the county clerk, in the chapel at the count registrar recorder. We went to Disneyland and dinner at Club 33. No reception. No honeymoon.

Hubby and I had lived together for 9 years. We were functioning as a couple already, so we figured the wedding was ours to pay for. About $250 for the whole thing, wedding costs and dinner. Rings were another $300, for two plain white gold bands. Mom made my dress. A friend gave us the bouquet, corsages, and boutonnieres.

A small wedding can still be special.

 

[ShamelessMcBundy]

I had a big expensive wedding and I loved it.

I've seen your pictures, and they look amazing, but you didn't answer the question the OP asked.

Personally, i like a nice, cheap, quick wedding ceremony, preferably on the beach or something. And whenever it's legal for me to get married in my state (), i would like to be able to pay for the wedding myself.