Contest: ENTER Movies Caption Contest #263: Severe Damage

[Smellincoffee]

Thanks for the wiN!

Picard: I left you people alone for two hours and you crash the ship?
Riker: Everyone has an off day, captain.

Picard: Klingons, Will? Really?
Riker: You lost the Stargazer to a Ferengi, captain.
Picard: ....touché.

Riker: Terribly sorry about the ship, captain.
Picard: Meh. I hated the carpet, anyway.

Saavik: Captain! The console has exploded prematurely.
Spock: Bridge to Engineering. Our consoles have exploded at an un-dramatic moment. Please reset the spontanous combustion protocols to forestall any more untimely explosions.
Scotty: D'ye want me to disable that feature, sir? While I'm in here? Always been more trouble than it's worth.

Worf: We WOULD be light-years from a gas station when the battery died.

 

[Leviathan]

Star Trek II: Wrath of The Dikironium Cloud

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Picard: "Will, is this by any chance an alternate timeline?"
Riker: "Nope."
Picard: "Nobody's gone back in time and done anything to change history?"
Riker: "Not that I know."
Picard: "No strange anomalies in the area?"
Riker: "Nada."
Picard: "Blast it! I've got to find something to blame for this!"
Riker: (snaps fingers) "Oops! Just remembered somewhere I've got to be. Like, right now..."

 

[Leviathan]

The movie idea was eventually dropped despite a small but vocal force demanding to see "Star Trek: Insurance Claims"

 

[f14peter]

PICARD: "Merde Number One, this ship is a complete wreck, what happened?"

RIKER: "Um ... yea ... well you see ... the Duras sisters ... um ... then some photon torpedo fire ... er ..."

PICARD: "Please don't tell me you let Troi drive the ship, I've told you, never let her drive the ship!"

 

[tharpdevenport]

Picard: "Um, bad news, number one. Starfleet isn't buying your excuse that Troi crashed the ship."

Riker: "Did you remind that I said she crashed that shuttle one time?"

Picard: "Yes, but they said Armus did that."

Riker: "Damn."

Picard: "And that that was a shuttle, not the same as piloting a starship."

Riker: "Did you show them the photos of her in a skant and those hairdos and asked that perhaps her mental state should be taken into mind at the time of the crash?"

Picard: "Sorry, Will, they're blaming you."

Riker: "Me??? But ... but ... she drove it!"

Picard: "Nice try, number one. They're questioning your state of mind at the time. They said behind you was Mr. Wof, who has piloted the ship before and has experience. Data at the other station, who is mroe than qualified to pilot the ship, and you -- a long qualified starship pilot, yet you ordered the ship's counselor to take the helm. It's not looking good."

Riker: "Fuck me."

Picard: "Plus, they're saying that in an emergency, they're thinking of installing a joystick so it's harder to crash the ship."

Riker: "A joystick? How the hell does that work? The ship moves in three hudnred and sixty degrees on both the Y and X axis and has mutiple positioning thrusters -- you can't control a starship with a joystick. I'm going to give them what for!"

Picard: "Think that'll work, do you? Drawing the attention away from you?"

Riker: "Desparation, sir."

 

[Nerys Myk]

Bad Betazed Landing, 2371 and we covered it, We know a thing or two because we've seen a thing or two.
We are Farmer's Bum ba-dum bum bum bum

 

[Triskelion]

Riker: Good news - I saved my 'bone.
Picard: It was the first thing I checked, too.

 

[Hutchy01]

Riker: Good news - I saved my 'bone.

Picard: I'm sure the women of the Galaxy are relieved.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Kirk: "Damnit! That consule was only three months old! Why didn't I just get that extended warranty for five credits at SpaceMart when the cashier asked me?"

 

[Hutchy01]

Sulu: I miss Chekov.

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

Picard: And you said Troi was at the helm when the ship crashed?

The pyrotechnics at the Enterprise Discotheque sometimes got a little out of hand.

Worf: A choice between dying at the hands of the Borg or risk seeing Keiko with legs up again...today is a good day to die!

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Saavik: "As I recall, sir, you did say you wanted this mission to start off with a bang."
Kirk: "Man, you Vulcans really need to brush up on your Earth metaphors..."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Sulu: I miss Chekov.

Kirk: "Damn -- I missed chekov."

 

[Nebusj]

Also, thanks for your patience, I've had less and less captioning time recently. I'm trying to be better about turning over this contest, but obviously I have yet to be successful. I aim to have this contest be about a month long. Rather than making a promise I don't know if I can keep, lets just see what happens.

(Blinks.) The Enterprise Caption Competition! Just a second, I'll be right back.

Riker: ``What do you mean you rented the ship on my Discover card? You know what the damage policies are --- ?''

Sulu: ``You know this never happened back when we had a smaller budget.''

Worf: ``Lights! Where are the lights?! What movie am I even in?''

 

[Nebusj]

(With the help of a friend who totally exists and is not just an imaginary partner from Canada.)

[ This Old Starship music plays. ]

``Now, when you do have an electrical fire on yer bridge, you'll want to make sure that you use a class C fire extinguisher. Point the extinguisher at the base of the fire, pull the locking pin, squeeze the trigger gently, and spread the flame retardant in a uniform layer as best as you can. Your fire extinguishers should be kept in a clearly available, well-marked location, and they should be inspected by a proper authority every year, which you can tell by the inspection label. The class of your fire extinguisher is marked by the letter, by the shape of the figure surrounding the letter, by the color of the label, and by the symbols on the label indicating the kinds of fire the extinguisher is appropriate for. Class C extinguishers can be tricky to use as they keep falling through time holes and emerging twenty-two years into a dystopian future with the Federation desperately losing a galactic war. But with proper training, which you are entitled to, you can learn to effectively handle them in an emergency situation. As always, read, review, and understand the instructions to this and all other safety equipment, which your deck officer is required by law to make available on your request.''

 

[Leviathan]

Starship not firing up? Then you need "Start ya bastard!", or for really serious battle damage try "for Chrissakes C'MON!"

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[Finn]

Ensign: (OS) But Jadzia would have gotten us through this unscratched...

Worf: *growls* *grumbles*

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Picard (offscreen): "All right, Data, that's enough. Turn off the video feed, go in there, and put Mr. Worf out of his misery."
Data (offscreen): "It is not my fault he became stuck in the finger trap, Captain..."
Picard: "DATA!"
Data: "Yes, sir."

 

[JonnyQuest037]

"Captain's Log, Stardate 8346.2: Note to the galley: 'Burrito Night' is hereby canceled, effective immediately."