Movie Caption Contest #45: Private Consultations

[Rat Boy]

We got a lot of footage over the past week, so there was a lot to choose from. Who knew you could get so much mileage out of images of things exploding? Oh well, here are the winners:

Scotty regretted leaving the chimpanzee and two trainees in charge of the engine room.

Offscreen voice of Waylon Jennings,
Looks like he's going from the frying pan, right into the grease fire.

Shatner: "Shut up wiseass, I saw what you were wearing in the last caption contest!"

And the Multi-Caption Award:

Scotty: Damned exploding consoles. I hope Starfleet gets around to fixing these things one day.

Unnamed officer being blown over the tactical station: Damned exploding consoles. I hope Starfleet gets around to fixing these things one day.

Kirk: I don't understand why I need to wear this fire-retardant, protective suit. I'm only going to be working at one of the bridge's computer consoles.

McCoy: Trust me...

Congratulations to the winners. This week, we huddle up for a conference on the mound with only eight seconds left on the shot clock and we're down two nill. Plus, we have a special bonus picture coming to us by way of the Star Trek V special edition DVD. It's from the press conference announcing the film back in the late eighties. Maybe this should have been a clue about what we were in store for. Have at:

 

[Rat Boy]

Agent on the right: "I loved you in 'Sex and the City!'"

Picard: "Remind me when he got rid of that auto filter?"

Kirk: "...and then I said, 'I'm laughing at the superior intellect.'"

Heckler 1: "Booooooooooooo!"

Hecker 2: "Get off the stage, you hack!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Mr. Vest: "I'm so excited! I never thought I be in the Space: 1999 movie."

Ensign: "I just caught Mr. Worf stirring the punch. With no spoon."

Shat: "I've sucked my gut in so long, my ears smell like liver."

 

[RobertScorpio]

Shatner: My next project? Hamlet. I will play all the parts and direct as well.

REPORTER #1: One simple question; why.

Shatner: So I can win every major award next year at the Academy Awards!

 

[Rat Boy]

Chris Noth lookalike: "I don't know, he just kept going on about 'Place you name, money I name, otherwise bargain no.'"

Vest agent: "Send him to Gitmo."

Picard: "1600, my quarters; bring the whips."

Shatner: "Oh no, I'm losing the crowd. De, get out here and do your dancing routine."

Kelley: "Piss on you, Bill. You're the one who came up with this disaster."

 

[cultcross]

After being fired from every job in football, Sven Goran Eriksson becomes a stand up comedy critic

 

[Rat Boy]

Dude with mustache: "A key chain? That's what our gift is? Screw it, I'm going to Oprah."

 

[Triskelion]

So I said, 'Stop being so rigid Spock!' And Leonard closed his overcoat.

Stewart: And then Bill said "Leonard, stop being so stiff" and Leonard -
Burton: That's not what he said, Patrick. He said -
Stewart (muttering): Spockblocker.

And then Shatner decked one of the heckling reporters and said he couldn't compete with the guy's mustache!

 

[Diesel Micky Dolenz]

Agent01: "We found him curled up, soaking in a pool of his own urine murmuring something about 'nuclear wessels.'

Agent02: "His own urine? Well that is odd."

Picard: "... and besides looking stupid with that banana clip over his eyes, every damned week he got schooled in engineering by a young boy who's biggest thrill in life was masturbating to upskirt holos of his mother."

Geordi: "I'm standing right here!

Kirk: "Finally, a Star Trek film's directing will match the quality of my acting."

Reporter: "Get a life!"

 

[Rat Boy]

In a special crossover episode, Detective Mike Logan of Law & Order: Criminal Intent joins forces with Special Agent Tony DiNozzo of NCIS. The case? A mysterious Russian-sounding guy tries steal the high energy photons from the USS Intrepid in New York, though unfortunately the Intrepid's not a nuclear-powered carrier.

Geordi (thinking): Must he always schedule an appointment with his dominatrix when I'm standing next to him?

Reporter on the right, thinking: I've covered Afghanistan, Beirut, Ethiopia, and the Challenger Disaster. This is what my career's come to?

 

[Nerys Myk]

ACTOR #1: "So its agreed, afterwards we pocket this junk and making a killing selling it to nerds on e-bay."

PICARD: "Do those fake eyes freakyou out as much as they do me?"

LAFORGE: "Hey, blind not deaf!!!!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: "Table four needs more breadsticks.".

 

[Diesel Micky Dolenz]

Shatner: "So even though Heather Locklear has passed on our T.J. Hooker feature film, we did manage to secure Heather Thomas. And who can tell the difference, anyway, right? Right?"

 

[Diesel Micky Dolenz]

Picard: "Lieutenant, please tell me that Commander LaForge has just handed me a brat. I'm afraid to look."

 

[Triskelion]

Geordie: Captain, the standing still trick doesn't work any more. I can see you now.

Combadges? We don't need no stinkin' combadges.

 

[Maurice]

AGENT 1: Then what did he say?
AGENT 2: I wrote it down in my notebookbook. "Oh, cut the bleeding heart crap, will ya? We've all got our switches, lights, and knobs to deal with, Striker. I mean, down here there are literally hundreds and thousands of blinking, beeping, and flashing lights, blinking and beeping and flashing - they're *flashing* and they're *beeping*. I can't stand it anymore! They're *blinking* and *beeping* and *flashing*! Why doesn't somebody pull the plug!"

SHATNER: And then the Soldier said, "Those lights are blinking out of sequence." And I ordered him, "Make them blink in sequence!"
REPORTER X: But, Airplane II came out years ago!
REPORTER Z: Shhhh! Maybe he won't talk about Star Trek V!

 

[Diesel Micky Dolenz]

Agent01: "I still have my wife to consider."

Agent02: "I can be discreet."

Shatner: "Physically wrestle God? No, no, no. Where'd you hear that? That's.... that's crazy talk."

 

[cooleddie74]

"Dammit, if this situation with this Russian spy isn't cleared up and soon I'm going back to the WARGAMES set where they'll appreciate me more!!"

PICARD:"Note to the galley and cooks...no more asparagus and chili at formal ship functions. And tell Ensign Naymont to get some air fresheners in here. NOW."

SHATNER:"Who here's heard my TRANSFORMED MAN album?"

(*Dead silence*)

"Oh, fuck all you assholes then."

 

[Gertch]

Shatner: "Okay okay okay. Space travel really isn't that big of a deal. As you can see, the planets really are a lot closer together than we've been leading you to believe."

 

[Candlelight]

"Someone's been passing around the glue again"
"How can you be so sure?"
"This notebook hasn't left my hand in 3 days"

"Picard to sickbay, I've been glued to ensign Chalmers. However, take your time, we are going to try a few things back in my quarters first"

Shatner's plan to have everyone glued to their seats worked a treat.

Three days later, the police found their bodies.