Crewman Chiles: You put the balm on? Who told you to put the balm on? I didn't tell you to put the balm on. Why'd you put the balm on? You haven't even been to see Doctor McCoy. If your gonna put a balm on, let McCoy put a balm on!
Movie Caption Contest # 42: Who the Devil are You?
- Thread starter Rat Boy
- Start date
Crewman Chiles: You put the balm on? Who told you to put the balm on? I didn't tell you to put the balm on. Why'd you put the balm on? You haven't even been to see Doctor McCoy. If your gonna put a balm on, let McCoy put a balm on!
"No, sir...it's just a coincidence I'm a dead ringer for that lost Mars astronaut from 250 years ago. Thanks for noticing, though."
"Sorry to bother you, Captain, but has anyone reported seeing where I left my acting abilities on this deck?"
"Is this REALLY the time to upload a bunch of MP3s?!"
BOLIAN:"That reminds me...my third wife had something like that. And that is why I now have a FOURTH wife."
"Hey, Captain Sulu...
Sorry to interrupt you at this time of night...but would you like to see my Jack Nicholson impression? People say I do it all the time. Even unconsciously."
"Captain, please alert sickbay. I appear to have glued my hand to your wall again"
"A party ensign, is that what you want?"
"BIG PARTY!"
"Well, we'll have to see what-"
"BIG BIG PARTY!"
"Shut up ensign!"
"HAHAHAHAHA!"
The Bolian started, then stopped himself. Surely Picard could feel the MiniShat climbing his head?
Porter throws in a last ditch attempt to stop the Borg.
Once and for all.
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"Anything?"
"Yeah, piece of crap ate my quarter. Oh and it's out of diet pepsi"
"Bastard!"
Crewmembers had yet another reason to hate the most inappropriately-placed vending machine on the ship.
"Sir, I BELIEVE(tm) in a ship that stands for CHANGE(tm). A crew that always says...YES...we can.(tm)"
"Did I leave my career in here, sir?"
"Sorry, but Commander LaForge wants you. Right NOW.
Something about plugging up the waste disposal chute on Deck 29 with tofu?"
BOLIAN:"Don't be embarassed, Captain...no, not at all!
On some planets near Bolian space that headgear can get you LAID."
HARS ADISLO:"Nice.
On Regulus V that is considered a sign of same-sex attraction and fertility."
KIRK:"Huh?
What...did Uhura get knocked up during the first five year mission and nobody told me?!"
"My God, that is one huge booger hanging out of the Captain's nose."
"There you go, Captain, I finally killed that effing fly!"
"Why in the hell is the camera zooming in on me while I'm climbing up this stupid ladder?"
"Now Captain, you must leave that on for at least ten hours. That is one nasty pimple you have."
"Yes, Crewman, I'd almost forgotten. Once we get back to Spacedock, I'll forward those request of transfer forms to J.T. Estaban, Commander, U.S.S. Grissom with all due haste."
Sulu: Do you have a hearing problem, Mister?
Ensign Slater: Um, no sir, but I don't see what giving you an anal rub has to do with Starfleet's inquiry about the location of the Enterprise.
Porter: Oh, damn. LaForge is going to have my ass for this. I got orange on the green thing.
Eiger: Look at it this way; it could be worse. The Borg could've beamed over and started turning engineering into some sort of hive. Boy, would Geordi be steamed then!
Porter: Ha ha! Hey, what's that sound?
Captain Picard found himself to be the unwitting victim of an unfortunate prank. Instead of the head garment being a time honored tradition of the Regent Cuzar's people, it actually signaled a readiness to mate with Bolian males.
Kirk: "Yeah, there'll be a ceremony: a whole parade of security men will meet you at the docking port, ready to beat your fucking ass. Talk to me like that <grumble, grumble> ..."
Crewlady: "Don't let Riker catch you watching him on the holodeck ..."
Bolian: "I don't care if you grew muttonchops back in the day, you look like shit."
When you're done backing up the ship's hard drive onto floppy disk Commander LaForge wants you to upgrade it from Windows 3.0. He says we should go Pentium so we can access the Web with pictures now.
Excuse me Sir, would you like to buy a magazine subscription so I can go to college?
Crewman Newb: Is that your cell or mine? Cause "My Heart Will Go On" is my ringtone, but I hear it coming from your pocket.
Kirk: Well I'll be darned. It's mine too. I like the cut of your jib, crewman.
Crewman Newb (thinking): Note to self, download "My Heart Will Go On".
Captain don't look now but that little Ambassador Leg Humper from Hornus IV got you in his sights.
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