Movie Caption Contest # 42: Who the Devil are You?

[Rat Boy]

Pack up the Mystery Machine, gang, we're off to another contest. The winners:

Kirk (on screen): "Khan, I'm laughing at the superior intellect... again!"
Khan: "It's the mullet, isn't it?"

You fool !! Can't you see ??!! We are bloody on the right side, and smooth on the left. The troglodytes are bloody on the left and smooth on the right !

KRUGE: "Dude, why the heels? Are you trying to make up for something, shorty?"

KIRK: "I...have had....enough of....YOU!"

REVEREND JIM:"Alright! Alright! I, uhhhhhhhhh...I'll...give back Latka's jacket! Just STOP!"

Spiner: "Forget it Stewart, you're way too old to play Hamlet."

Data: "She's either dead or relegated to appearing on 'Voyager.'"
Picard: "Eh: same-same."

Ruafo suddenly regretted asking the woman from Flamoria IV for a "Blow Job".

Completely disregarding the advice of the strange man at the bar, Ru'afo didn't think urinating after that drink would actually burn.

The Photoshop award:

And the multi-pic caption award:

"OH NO!"

"OH NO!"

"Oh, no..."

Kool-Aid Son'a: "OH YEAH!"

Congratulations to the winners. This week, we pay tribute to the random people that keep showing up in these movies and get a line or two before disappearing as fast as they showed up. Or, in the case of our third pic, die horribly. Have at:

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk (thinking): A party? This kid wants a party? He wasn't even in the last movie!

Sulu: "Captain's personal log: jackpot!"

Eiger: "His Baldness wants us to tune his stereo again."

Picard (thinking): I don't know what's more ridiculous. Wearing Lieutenant Illia's headband or getting scolded by a member of the Blue Man Group.

 

[Triskelion]

Hiya, Cap'n! I'm Pudge, the precocious kid from the starship next door! You aaaaaall that an' a rocket boot, man!

Kirk to Spock, we've got another crewman for airlock patrol. Damn ratings slumps.

Sorry to interrupt your shower, ensign. My quarters are in the exact same spot on Deck Six. Probably won't happen again.

The Captain says Yanni or Tesh.
Screw it, I'm putting in my girl Alanis!

Oh no you didn't, girlfriend! You didn't come up here in my turf wearing my outfit!
And don't even get me started on that weave!

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

"What are you down on your knees for son, do I look like the helmsman?"

"Hello Captain, I'm Roger the cabin boy."
Sulu: "Oh my!"

Guy: "Make it sew, he says, make it sew. Of all the... It's a starship for pete's sake. I'm an engineer, not a seamstress. Why can't he use the replicators like everyone else."

Woman: "You really are an idiot, aren't you?"

Bolian: "Have you got Intel inside?"
Picard: "What?"
Bolian: "Would you like some..."

...

Picard: "Stupid gay Bolian chat up lines!"

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Starfleet's REAL Prime Directive: Do not under any circumstances fall for a pull my finger gag perpetrated by a Bolian... Bolians eat brocolli and beans...

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Until Uhura dies, get off my bridge."

Crewlady: "Either a grizzly bear made it off the Holodeck or Worf's been taking a dump down there again."

Bob the Bolian: "Now, technically I never said I'd call you ..."

Kirk: "Yeah, I vaguely remember knowing a waitress named La'toya during my cadet days. Why do you ask?"

Crewman: "Frankly, Captain, being both a red shirt and a black guy in your presence is truly frightening."

 

[scottydog]

Crewman: "Ensign Obama, reporting for duty, sir."

Kirk: "Didn't your great great great grandfather envision this 23rd century utopia that we now enjoy?"

Crewman: "Why yes he did, sir."

Kirk: "I always knew the Roddenberry-Nichols coupling would yield good fruit."

 

[scottydog]

Crewlady: "I can see up your skirt."

 

[Candlelight]

"Yes Admiral, I am only 3 feet tall"
"I guess old Hobbits die hard"

"Captain! Come quick! I can't find Deck 03!"

Eiger: "I hate these new Jeffrey's Tubes. I swear they'll be the death of me"

Nemesis almost never happened after Shinzon turned blue from choking on a pretzel.

 

[Candlelight]

"Trust me, you've never experienced the pull my finger joke until you've had it in the original Bolian."

 

[chancellorjake]

Eiger: I'm going to walk down a dark corridor and investigate a strange noise, for no apparent reason. Don't worry, I'll be right back.
Porter: Great. We can get drunk and have more casual sex, as soon as you return.
Eiger: Sure, what could possibly go wrong?

 

[Haggis and tatties]

Kirk" You waiting for a heros welcome son"
Crewman" what you talkin about cap

Crewman" I'm sorry to report cap Sulu, you broke the last commemorative USS Excelsior Cup and Plate on the bridge..remember..

Sulu" Damn....oh well just stick my tea in one of those cups where the crew beams down when you put hot liquid in it".

Guy: "Thank GOD!!!!!
Woman: "What is it"
Guy" I got that job on the newly constructed Death Star, good bye dangerous Star Fleet conduits, hello safe and secure main planet killing laser operator".
Woman"You lucky bugger"

Bolian: "You do realize that your wearing that alien ambassadors sanitary product".
Picard: "!!!!!"

 

[Kirby]

Lt. Jackie Childs: "Why yes, one of my ancestors was the great American Lawyer Jackie Childs. Oh, and Uhura, they're real, and they're spectacular!"

"Is Heather here?"

 

[Outpost4]

Shatner's new lifts were a headache for the entire film crew.

 

[Shatmandu]

Crewlady: "What's Picard doing to Dr. Crusher now?"
Crewman: "Let me put it this way: I just found out how he keeps his head so shiny ..."

 

[Outpost4]

Bolian: No, the seam goes front to back.

 

[Shatmandu]

Crewman Faux Nicholson: "I'd like an omelet, plain, and a chicken salad sandwich on wheat toast, no mayonnaise, no butter, no lettuce. And a cup of coffee."
Captain Sulu: "A #2, chicken salad sand. Hold the butter, the lettuce, the mayonnaise, and a cup of coffee. Anything else?"
Crewman Faux Nicholson: "Yeah, now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules."
Captain Sulu: "You want me to hold the chicken, huh?"
Crewman Faux Nicholson: "I want you to hold it between your knees."
Both laugh.
Captain Sulu: "Oh, I love us. C'mere, you ..."

 

[Outpost4]

"No, sir, that's all right. I've already jerked off on film."

 

[Shatmandu]

Crewman Nicholson: "You think this is dark, just wait until 'Generations' is made and you see the hallway outside of Picard's Ready-Room ..."

(If you get this one, your Nerd Rating gets 100 points added.)

 

[Triskelion]

Captain wants you to rotate the shield frequency.
I did.
You rotated the frequency?
What-again? That would put it back into its original frequency.
Rotate the frequency!
It's not that simple! Does the captain mean rotate it once, or rotate it back to -
No, rotate it again!
OK! Wait--was yellow on top or pink?
Computer: Attention: You will all be assimilated.
Oh - nice job, Ensign Data.

I know a man's holodeck fantasy is his own business, Captain. But the crew's elected me to come tell you that you ain't a ten and you ain't no Bo Derek. Now, do I have to bitchslap a sister?

Captain Sulu, here are those reports you requested - no, I think I'll stay right here, thanks. You see I forgot to wear my Deflector Shield. On my ass.

Heyyy, that's a nice turtleneck sweater, Captain!
It's a dickie. Putz.