KIRK: For some of you, this will be your first pre-launch orgy. Trust me,it's a long established Enterprise tradition. Uhura dim the lights and start the music.
Movie Caption Contest #240: Captions Against Humanity
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KIRK: For some of you, this will be your first pre-launch orgy. Trust me,it's a long established Enterprise tradition. Uhura dim the lights and start the music.
Kirk: So to all your concerns just let me say that there is no correlation between the popularity of leisure suits and incidents of spontaneous combustion. Isn't that right, Spock? Spock?
<Whrrrroooomph!>
Scotty: Sorry, haggis buffet. Mister Spock is still "emergency evacuating his lower decks," as he put it through the door to the head.
Uhura: Whoo! Do NOT go in there!
Spock: Miss Paris! Miss Egypt! Miss Las Vegas!
Scotty: Come on, Mister Spock, give us a look!
Spock: Negative, Mister Scott. Hello Miss Las Vegas!
Geordi: Tasha found these in her bed the day after she quote, "Literally banged your brains out."
Data: Weird that you kept them all this time.
Geordi: I know, right?
Uhura: Remember, they're behind one-way glass, so you can see them, but they can't see you.
Extra in front row: I think it was number three.
Crowd: Yeah.
Uhura (into intercom): Number three, please take one step forward and say "Who wants to see my captain's log?".
Spock: Fascinating, it does work. Mr. Scott, your "2D Glasses" may revolutionize modern cinema as we know it.
DATA: And how can you be sure it was Spot?
Kirk: "But you don't put the seat up again for others Uhura."
Uhura: I told you what would happen if anyone left the bridge toilet seat up again.
Uhura: "THAT'S DIFFERENT !!!"
Everyone laughs at Uhura.
^ Good one!
Geordi: Emotional Immaturity chips?? Where did you learn how to do this stuff?!
Data: You! I learned it from watching you!
Geordi: Emotional Immaturity chips?? Where did you learn how to do this stuff?!
Data: You! I learned it from watching you!
Uhura: Sickbay, send up a medic for the next sucker who calls me O'Hura.
Kirk: Ok, we get it.
Uhura: I'll stick an Irish shillelagh up his porthole.
Chekov<muttering>: Boy, O'Hura really hates portholes.
KIRK: Miss Receptionist, are the scientist and the doctor coming soon? I'm tired to act as the nurse, the coffee waiter, the driver and the mechanic had once been important on MY ship. And who the hell is that Russian?
The exact moment Uhura realized that high intensity lighting turned the new uniform tops transparent.
Kirk realized he should have promoted Uhura along with the rest of the Command Staff-or not held this meeting in the main airlock.
Kirk: "A very insightful question, Commander! And the answer is no, we will not be wearing these new uniforms during any encounters with the Klingons. Starfleet Command believes that would only be asking for trouble."
Kirk: Uhura, what's our ETA?
Uhura: Computer, what is our ETA?
Computer: Bitch, get a calculator. They're like three for a dollar at Walgreens.
Chekov: That computer voice sounds a little off.
Kirk: Starfleet Command is looking into it.
SCOTTY: Did ye see that, Captain? The power's fluctuating. I gotta get to Engineering!
KIRK: It's Uhura flicking the switch. You're staying for the whole briefing, Mr. Scott.
SCOTTY: Worth a shot.
And locked. 
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