Movie Caption Contest #240: Captions Against Humanity

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! Time for a new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Good Question" Award, going to:

COCHRANE:What the hell do I have a petrified butterfly in here for?

Next, we have the "Contractual Obligations" Award, going to:

Mr. Shatner's Divaesque demands on the set of Generations included having Patrick Stewart make him breakfast every day.

Next, we have the "Leonard McCoy: Gourmet Chef" Award, going to:

McCoy: "When it first flew in there, I thought, 'We gotta get that thing outta there!' But it's actually cooking up rather nicely."

Our photoshop award goes to:

Spock: "Jim, what did Doctor McCoy mean, when he said that bourbon and beans are an explosive combination?"

Kirk: "He means... uh, he means that he doesn't believe in no wind scenarios."

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, we begin again!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: Who's calling? I thought I ordered the entire crew down here.

Uhura: You did, Sir. The Klingon Captain sitting in your chair wants to thank you for doing that.

Geordi: I removed these chips from the main computer.

Data: Don't get the wrong idea Geordi, it's a friends with benefits arrangement.

Spock: Here's the problem, we're not supposed to store gluesticks in the warp drive.

 

[Lance]

Thanks for the win.

Geordi: "Well Data, I finished your service. You're good to go. Um... by the way...uh, these bits I had left over after I put you back together... they weren't important, right?"

Data (thinking to himself): [That's the end of me being 'fully functional'.]

 

[Candlelight]

"And we've finally gotten rid of all the black people on the oh hi Uhura, didn't see you there."

"You wish to shove them where, sir?"

"After careful analysis I have determined the corridor lights are stuck at blue."
"Been on Vulcan a while, obviously."

"Don't worry Data... better out than in..."

 

[Triskelion]

Uhura: Security, Sulu's gone Jedi again.

Geordi: I've swapped out your flash stick for a floppy diskette.
Data: Oh crap.Is this because you have pleasured fewer women than I have?
Geordi <storms off>
Data: Someone should warn Wesley Crusher.

Spock: I can see it now: a big floating head demanding a starship.
Scotty: And when does God come into Kirk's scene?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Kirk: "Surprise, Commander Uhura! Welcome to our own little version of 'This Is Your Life!'"
Uhura: "Oh, my! I'm flattered that so many of you showed up!"
Chekov: "Ve told everyone that ve vould be showing lots of slides of you in that red mini-dress!"

Data: "Doctor Brahms is a highly qualified mechanical engineer. Finding some of my mechanical parts in her quarters does not necessarily mean anything."

 

[Armored Saint]

DATA: Awww, Geordi, my favourite android dish. It is so kind of you to take care of me during my Pon farr subroutine.

UHURA: Captain, Admiral Nogura is calling you.
NOGURA: For God sake, Jim, stop this stupid fashion show, they're already all wearing these new uniforms!

SPOCK: You are right, mister Scott. This ensign is a direct descendant of Lionel Ritchie.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Step away from the environmental controls, Uhura. The temperature in here is just fine.

UHURA: Fine my ass, I'm freezing.

SPOCK: You are correct, Mr. Scott. There are traces of the Captain's genetic material on this crystal. The question is how it got there

SCOTT: I'd rather not know.

GEORDIE: I don't get it. This is the best android chow money can buy!

 

[shivkala]

Uhura: "Crew Movie Night is a chance for the entire crew to relax without the stresses of their daily jobs," he said. "Everyone can just relax," he said. "Oh, Uhura, we need you to run the film projector," he says...

Kirk: Is there a problem, Lt.?

Uhura: Uh, no, sir. In fact, I've taken the liberty of picking the movie. It's a movie from the early 21st Century called Twilight...

Geordi: I found these, they were apparently put there by a group even more devious than Section 31, called the "NSA."

Spock: Alert the Captain, I've found the 5 minutes of plot in this movie. Apparently, the other 127 minutes is special effects and our reactions to those effects.

SPOCK: You are right, mister Scott. This ensign is a direct descendant of Lionel Ritchie.

Ensign Richie: What gave me away, sir?

Scotty: When I paged you, Lad, ye came in and said, "Hello, is it me you're looking for?"

Spock: While dancing on the ceiling.

Ensign Richie: Oh, I thought you guys might know my mother, uncle, cousin, and grandfather, they were all Commodores.

Spock: Yes, I know your mother, Commodore Richie.

Ensign Richie: Actually, sir, after the divorce she went back to her maiden name, she's a Brickhouse, again, now.

Scotty: Aye, I heard about the divorce. I felt sorry for your father, as rumor was, your mother is easy.

Spock: Just rumors, Mr. Scott. Believe me, she is three times a lady.

Ensign Richie: Anyway, sirs, with all due respect, do you intend to keep me here all night long?

Spock: No, Ensign, you are dismissed.

Scotty: Watch the floor, though, lad. They just washed it and it tends to be slippery when wet.

 

[Maurice]

LAFORGE: Pick a card. Any memory card.

UHURA: It's the bridge. sir. They're ready to call the square dance.

SPOCK: Mr. Scott, thanks to this microscope I believe I have finally located your dignity.

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: This isn't blue sky. We need Heisenberg.

 

[shivkala]

SPOCK: This isn't blue sky. We need Heisenberg.

Scotty: He's been reassigned. Would a Heisenberg compensator work?

 

[inflatabledalek]

Thanks FTW!

Am I the only one who finds young chef-Shatner slightly freaky?

Kirk: ...But, in good news, the horrible deaths of many of your friends and colleagues on Epsilon station has given me just the excuse I need to get the captaincy back!

Data: Geordi... Why am I tied up?

Geordi: It's the only chance any of the rest of us have of getting any screen-time in this film.

Data: Good luck with that.

Scotty: I know you're really pleased with your Viewfinder Christmas present, but maybe play with it after we've fixed the ship?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Spock: "Idiots! This isn't Caddyshack! It's Caddyshack II!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: This isn't blue sky. We need Heisenberg.

Scotty: He's been reassigned. Would a Heisenberg compensator work?

SPOCK: Pinkman? I don't think so.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Kirk: "Ah, Uhura, you're here. Well folks, let's kick off the inaugural Enterprise slumber party."

Geordi: "Cough... and now spit."
Data: ptui
Geordi: "Boy, Beverly must have kicked you in the nuts hard if they got lodged in your throat!"

Spock: "I see the problem. These were put in backwards. Were you drunk again, Mr Scott?"
Scott: "Hey! I'd be offended if it wasn't true."

 

[Finn]

Kirk: Where's Spock?

Uhura: Where no Vulcan man have gone before

 

[Triskelion]

Uhura: I told you what would happen if anyone left the bridge toilet seat up again.
Kirk: Uhura, don't barge in, we're in the middle of a crew briefing.
Uhura: Do it again and my foot is gonna be barging in the middle of someone's porthole.

Geordi: Look, I finally passed those microchips I swallowed.
Data: I could have waited for you to wash them first.

Spock: Mister Scott, I am not comfortable blowing into your court-appointed breathalizer.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Kirk: Welcome, Uhura. We're just about to start our theater group. Pay no attention to those crewmen with rotten tomatoes and banana peels.

 

[Triskelion]

Uhura: So that's fifty pepperoni pizzas, fifty cokes - and one squid salad.
Sulu: What? I need my cellulose.

Spock: These readings prove it. The pubic hair found at the bottom of the Captain's coffee cup has Vulcan DNA.

...Fascinating.