Movie Caption Contest #239: Ready for Anything

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone, sorry about being a week or so behind on this one, but now lets begin a new contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Priceline... OF THE FUTURE!!!!" Award, going to:

Starfleet CNC: And now, here are a few words on finding good hotel rates by our well-traveled Admiral James Kirk.

Next, we have the "Understandable Confusion" Award, going to:

KIRK: Weird, all this time I thought you were Saavik.

Next, we have the "Built to last.... just not for long" Award, going to:

Trill: "I wouldn't worry about it, the Enterprise is rated to withstand a Borg attack."

Riker: "Thank goodness. For how long?"

Trill: "Anywhere between 1 and 0 seconds, give or take."

We had some great tag teaming going on this contest, so our tag-team award, goes to:

Kirk: "You're probably wondering why I assembled you all here today, you see over the years each of you has done something mean to me ....

Doors clang shut and poison gas is released.

Kirk: " ... revenge is a dish best served cold."

Seven women in unison: I forgot to tell you! My child is yours! You'll take to take care of him/her!?

*doors open*

"Okay, add replicators to the list of things Counsellor Troi isn't allowed within fifty feet of."

Thanks everyone for participating and congrats to our winners!

And now, a new contest!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Riker: (thinking) Weirdest looking disc EVER.

Kirk: Keep an eye on the pan, make sure that it doesn't burn.

Picard: Whoops.

Spock: I will not be eating dinner, I would like to survive until tomorrow.

 

[Avro Arrow]

Cochrane: So THAT'S where the anti-matter regulator got to. Probably should've installed this before we launched!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "Won't Antonia think it odd if she comes down here and finds you having breakfast with a strange man?"
Kirk: "Actually...no. And keep that to yourself!"

McCoy: "When it first flew in there, I thought, 'We gotta get that thing outta there!' But it's actually cooking up rather nicely."

 

[Maurice]

LaFORGE: Is that a dilithium crystal?
COCHRANE: Amber! My next invention will be Jurassic Park!

PICARD: And this blandly designed kitchen and this food I am burning...none of it is real.
KIRK: Then how did I put on 15 kilos?

KIRK: A singalong? What should we sing?
BONES: In about an hour it'll be "Beans, beans, the magic fruit..."

 

[Nerys Myk]

COCHRANE: What are you staring at? You guys don't have Apple products in the future?

 

[Lance]

Spock: "Jim, what did Doctor McCoy mean, when he said that bourbon and beans are an explosive combination?"

Kirk: "He means... uh, he means that he doesn't believe in no wind scenarios."

 

[bbjeg]

Stewart: As soon as Mulgrew and Brooks get here, the Captain's club can commence.
Bakula: Come on guys, let me in.
Shatner: Piss off Bakula!

 

[Nebusj]

``My God … we're shrinking! Look at the size of my Jolly Rancher!''

``Um … um … Captain Kirk, it's kind of on fire?''
``What the heck are you doing? That's a pan of water!''
``Don't judge!''

``All right, now pop in that Rifftrax Live DVD and let's make fun of how Mike Nelson and his rotten punks are doing.''

 

[Triskelion]

Bones: How about that park ranger? Did you see the mallows on her?
Spock: Jim -
Kirk: Let it go, Spock.

 

[CaptainBearclaw]

COCHRANE:What the hell do I have a petrified butterfly in here for?

 

[T'Girl]

Kirk: "What are you making us for breakfast?"

Picard: "Bangers and mash."

Kirk: "And you're French right?"

 

[Triskelion]

Cochran: We can't take off without it!
Riker: Rock music?
Cochran: No, my Geico card.

Picard: I am not a fancy boy.
Kirk: Eggs!

Kirk: And then he went into some harangue about Justice and Shakespeare. That's when I nodded off.
Bones: So that was your nexus dream? Being harangued by a fancy boy from the future?
Spock: Fascinating.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kirk: "And when they got home and got out of the car, they found the madman's hook hanging from the car's door handle!"
Spock: "I call bullshit."

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Usually I get a young attractive woman as a yeoman.



PICARD:

 

[Peach Wookiee]

Cochrane: Dude... this is an awesome disk... Anyone else wanna toke?

Riker and LaForge: Oh great...

Captain Picard immediately sensed James Kirk was no Julia Child.

"This is a jambalaya recipe from the future?"

"Yes, Jim. I had a dream that I visited a place called Sisko's before I fell through a black hole into an alternate reality where I dated Lt. Uhura as a young man. I boldly went where you have never gone before."

"What about me, Spock?"

"You were still fighting with me, Doctor."

 

[inflatabledalek]

Cochrane: It's a DVD of That Thing You Do, the film Tom Hanks decided to make instead of this. Lets put it on and see if he made the right choice!

Mr. Shatner's Divaesque demands on the set of Generations included having Patrick Stewart make him breakfast every day.

Shatner: Welcome to the Star Trek V wrap party!

Nimoy: It's awfully quiet Bill... where is everybody else?

Shatner: It's strange, they all had things come up at the last second. Walter has been cast as the lead in a major motion picture; Nichelle was washing her hair; George has a date with a hot babe and Jimmy... now let me get this right... jimmy said "I hate you Bill, I hate your film and I'd rather have a rectal exam from a gorilla than socialise with you".

Kelly: Still, more booze for the rest of us!

 

[Finn]

Picard: *mutters to himself* Don't tell him about the statue

Kirk: What?

Picard: Nothing

 

[shivkala]

Cochrane: "Minidisc? That'll never catch on," they said. "They're the 8-tracks of the digital age," they said. Well, who's laughing now, huh? Who's laughing now!

Picard: You're not afraid that Antonia will associate these eggs with fertility and her innate desire to have kids, are you?

Kirk: I wasn't until right now. Okay, forget the eggs, I've got some big, juicy sausages.

Picard: But, won't she associate those sausages with...

Kirk: If there's a God, she will. You may want to go pop into someone else's Nexus reality for a bit.

Picard: Five minutes enough time?

Kirk: ...yes.

Kelly: ...and another thing, Bill, you might want to warn a guy before you cancel the Craft Services cart and draft one of your actors to cook in order to save money.

 

[Triskelion]

Kirk: And then I was all like, "What does God need with a starship?" and he was all, "No way!" and I was like, "Yeah huh!" and Spock was all, "Screw this noise"-

Picard: No way! And then what happened?

Kirk: Badda bing badda boom, I nailed a yeoman.

Picard: Oh, you suck! They made me go to therapy!