Movie Caption Contest #145: If It Does Not Refit, You Must Acquit

[Rat Boy]

This caption contest president is not above the law, so let's start another one. First, let's sing along with...

For proving that diplomacy can be a far more effective weapon than anything else, our winner is...

KAMARAG: We would consider any attempt to rescue them with a military operation an act of war!
PRESIDENT: Pretty please with sugar on?
KAMARAG: Fine. We'll release them.

For proving that the Klingon judicial system may just be a tad biased against the defendants, our winner is...

Kirk: I wish we knew where we stood in this trial. Maybe we should poll the jury.

McCoy: Bad Idea. The Jury is aiming disruptors at us.

For an even weirder song to be singing, our winner is...

Picard: Three little maids from school are we...three little maids... Come on, Worf — sing!
Worf: Ugh...FROM SCHOOL!!!!

And, in lieu of a Photoshop award, a special nod to a running gag that I unintentionally started...

Kirk: "At times like this, I'm reminded of an old saying of my grandfather's, 'He who laughs last laughs longest'"

McCoy: "The magistrate's been laughing for fifteen minutes, Jim"

Kirk: "Then they're be no more laughing, will there?"

Congratulations to the winners. First up this week, we have Kirk wondering that after getting his ship back if he's now the luckiest man in the galaxy. Second, Sulu hopes that he'll be a shoo-in for command in the sequel. And finally, Picard inadvertently gives the Reman hand gesture for "Please blow my ship up." Enjoy:

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Hey, hey, you! Hey, get out of there! I just had that cleaned!"

Sulu: "Ahead warp nine!"

Guy at engineering station: "Uh, we're still stuck inside V'Ger, sir."

Picard: "Quickly, Worf, prepare another Gilbert and Sullivan tune!"

Worf: "Oh, hell no! I didn't quit my cushy ambassador job to come back here and put up with that shit again.

*starts to leave bridge*

"Wonder if they'll take me back on DS9."

 

[Broccoli]

Sulu: "Ahead warp nine!"

Guy at engineering station: "Uh, we're still stuck inside V'Ger, sir."

Sulu: "Hmm...I've had that problem before. Get some lube..."

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!

Kirk: Quick, get her out of there! That's not the Sonic Shower, that's a Space Barbecue!

Sulu: This is a big moment for me, I'm in command again!

Guy at engineering station: Don't be like this. So what if you won the coin toss?

Picard: Simon says "Lift your right arm."

Worf: Forget what Simon Says! Worf says lets fire some Quantum Torpedoes and make the rest of the film about characters we actually like!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kirk: "Ilia in the shower... Hey, Spock! This may be our chance to finally settle that 'totally hairless or not' bet!"

Officer in background: "Sir, if I may suggest, you'll be a lot less tired at the end of your shift if you only strike heroic poses when something is actually happening."

Picard: "Freeze the image, right there! Now see? That is a definite nipple-slip!"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Thanks for the win, Rat Boy!

Kirk: Look at that — a little racetrack.
Spock: I prefer the term flavor savor.

Sulu: Finally! The big chair.
Officer at Engineering: Don't get too comfy; it'll be another five movies before you'll sit in it again.

Picard: I shall give you this nameless redshirt in exchange for our safe passage.

 

[Candlelight]

Cheers for the win!

Spock: "Look out Jim, you're entering some sort of badly matted shot!"

Sulu: "Ahead fabulous speed."
Crewman: "You're not fooling anyone."

Picard: "I keep warning you Praetor, I'm a giant! Look as I touch Riker's arm-"
Riker: "Do we have to have that 'perspective' speech again, Captain...?"

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Mirror, mirror on the wall: who shall get the most lines in the next movie?"

Ilia: "GET THE HELL OUT OF MY QUARTERS!"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: It's a Stepford Wife!

 

[Rat Boy]

Sulu: Finally! The big chair.

Officer at Engineering: "This is auxiliary control, you twit!"

 

[LeadHead]

Sulu: Finally! The big chair.

Guy at Engineering Station: Don't sit there too long or else you'll end up on the Reliant.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Ilia (singing loudly and out of tune): Under the boardwalk...people walkin' above...under the boardwalk...we'll be fallin' in love...UNNNNNDERRRR THE BOAARRRRDWALKK...

Kirk: My God! It's worse than I thought!

Spock: We would never take advantage of a musically immature species.

 

[Rat Boy]

Sulu: Finally! The big chair.

Guy at Engineering Station: Don't sit there too long or else you'll end up on the Reliant.

Sulu: "Oh, Chekov? Why don't you take this seat for a spin?"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Sulu: Now that I'm in command, I'm thinking...pastels!
Crewman at Engineering: Ship's already decorated in pastels, you idiot! So are we.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kirk: "It's Ilia! And, I'll be damned! It looks like the carpet does match the drapes!"

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "At what point do I tell her she's actually beamed into my microwave?"

Sulu: "You there! Yes, you, to the right and slightly behind of me. What do you think?"

Guy at Engineering: "I think I'm going to be very glad when they move my console somewhere else and stick Spock over here."

Picard (while snapping): "Stryker, Stryker, Stryker, Stryker!"

*Riker decks Troi*

Picard: "Ted Stryker?"

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Kirk: "Note to ship services, warning signs required on sonic showers prohibiting urination. God it smells rank in here!"

Sulu: "Oh my!"
Engineer: "What is it sir?"
Sulu: "Nothing. Just trying out a new catchphrase. What do you think?"
Engineer: "Very... catchy, sir."
Sulu: "Good... Oh my!"

Picard: "Steady as she goes, men!"
Crew: "Right Guard, sir!"

 

[Candlelight]

The entire crew stood still, waiting and watching to see if Picard could swat the fly... this time...

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: Engage.... THAT Way!

 

[Candlelight]

Not even Picard himself understood the finale to Lost.