Marriage and changing one's surname.

[Venardhi]

Depends on what she wants to do and how cool her last name is. If I marry a girl with some awesome sounding last name like 'Ironwood' or the like(and I wanted to be associated with her family) I might even take her name. My brother and I are the last ones in our family to carry my Grandfather's surname though, since he had 3 daughters and our mom was the only one to have any children before she got married. My brother has a son, so the name is sure to go on at least one more generation, but I do feel some duty to do my part. Like someone else said though, I could kinda dig a hybrid last name.

 

[Jan]

My ex had one of those names that isn't really difficult but does require a second look to pronounce correctly. For some reason I thought it would be romantic to take his name and at the time it was simple enough-just sign the marriage license that way and as it became convenient I changed official documents. If there was an issue over my having 'two names', all I had to do was explain that I'd gotten married. Times have changed now, though.

When we divorced, the judge asked it I wanted to take my maiden name back. Unprepared for the question, I said no. A year later, when I found out that the ex had remarried, I asked him if he (his new wife, actually) would prefer that I change back and it turned out that it *did* bother her that I had kept the name.

What a pain! Not to mention that there's no rhyme or reason to things. The court procedure was nothing-I'd filled out some paperwork and waited a bit for the judge to decide that I wasn't trying to change it for fraudulent or frivolous reasons. I didn't even have to appear before him as I'd paid my almost $400 (!!) fee in advance. Then came the merry-go-round of changing Social Security, bank accounts and driver's license. Social Security wanted original documents with no real guarantee that I'd get them back. Despite having all documents proving who I was since birth, the bank wouldn't change it until I had the driver's license and the DMV didn't even want to look at the court order changing my name!

So if I ever get married again there's no *way* I'll ever change my name again.

Jan

 

[FrontLine]

My wife simple took her maiden name and made it her middle name. Professionally she uses her full name.

 

[Daneel]

That's the biggest poll I've ever seen

I know, it's nuts. Believe it or not, I actually started off with less than half that many choices, but every time I typed one out, I thought of another. I guess I'm just trying to have an option for everyone.

Some have brought up the issue of what name the children get, and that is an interesting point, one that has crossed my mind. I remember I took a Family Studies course in high school (Catholic high school, I might add) and we discussed what would happen with the kids' names if the wife kept her own. Among the suggestions:
-hyphenate
-flip a coin
-give the boys the father's name and the girls the mother's name (or the reverse, although that would probably be less likely)

We also had to have a mock-marriage in our Grade 12 Religion class (which I thought was kind of ridiculous, but that's Catholic school for you), and some interesting things happened there too. I don't recall what my "wife" and I decided about the last name thing (or if it was even brought up), but it was an issue with some people. At least one guy was apparently greatly annoyed with his "wife" when she didn't take his name, and, years later when my sister took the class, she told me that the father of one of her friends told his daughter that she "had to" take her husband's name because that was the respectful thing for a wife to do.

It's things like that which remind me of how archaic a custom this really is.

 

[Miss Chicken]

I am an unmarried woman and I would NOT take my husband's last name.

When I was married in 1976 I took my husband's first name. It wasn't too much trouble to change my name back then because I was only 18 and I didn't have many things in my name. However when I divorced him changing back to my maiden name was a pain in the arse. More so because I also changed my children's surname to my maiden name.

So I would consider it too much of a hassle to change my name again. Besides I would consider doing so such reinforcing a symbolic sign of ownership of a woman by a man.

I am proud of my surname. I have researched my family tree and the name has become to mean a lot to me.

 

[Ariadne]

I'm all for hyphenation if both names are short, or choosing the least problematic name (for example, if one of the partners' last name is 'Hussein' or a difficult to pronounce keyboard mash).

 

[JimCasy]

I'm an unmarried woman and undecided. As with some people above, if I were to marry someone with the last name of, say, Smith, or Anderson...I'd probably keep my own last name. It's an anglicized version of the proper Norwegian name, but it's still pretty unique, and my dad, who's done a lot of genealogy, has told me that I'm related to everyone who has that last name, either by blood or marriage. So I think that's pretty cool. However, if I were to marry someone with a more unusual last name, I might decide to take that.

I don't plan on having any kids though, so it's not a huge deal to me.

 

[Timby]

I got married in 2007, and my wife took my last name.

 

[nevermore]

I cannot stand my last name. Regardless, I would never change it. It's who I am.

 

[Kemaiku]

Getting married is fine, but I will never be having children and tend to date people similarly minded. So with no name to continue on either way we'll be keeping our surnames.

 

[May 20]

We married young, and I took his name. I changed my name everywhere except at university (I was three months away from graduating; it wasn't worth the ridiculously huge hassle; and he didn't care whether my diploma had my maiden name or my married name on it), and I'm glad I did. I like that we are recognizably a family. For me, it was the right thing to do. Had I waited and married after my name had some creditials attached to it, I don't think I would have changed it. Should I ever be in a situation that would open the option of marrying again, I don't think I'd change my name, unless my children are grown and don't mind (yes, I'd consult them).

 

[K'Ehleyr]

Some have brought up the issue of what name the children get, and that is an interesting point, one that has crossed my mind. I remember I took a Family Studies course in high school (Catholic high school, I might add) and we discussed what would happen with the kids' names if the wife kept her own. Among the suggestions:
-hyphenate
-flip a coin
-give the boys the father's name and the girls the mother's name (or the reverse, although that would probably be less likely)

My son has mine and his fathers surnames. Not hyphenated ~ call it weird but he can have his fathers surname, but not attachted to mine. And people wonder why we never married
The other two suggestions are even worse

 

[Goji]

It'll be a cold day in hell before I marry anyone, but in the hypothetical event of it actually happening, I would certainly not care who did or did not change their name. In fact, I might decide to be the one who changes their name, because it would confuse certain people who deserve to be confused.

 

[The Sneeze Police]

I kept my surname when I got married. I have a difficult name to spell & pronounce and his wasn't any better, so I didn't go to the trouble. If I had married a Smith or Jones, my last name would have been changed in a heartbeat.

We do not have children & don't plan to, but if that were different, I think one last name is nice to unify the family.

 

[Neeka Keet]

I'm not changing my name because I've never met anyone where I'm from who does it. Why should I? It's my damn name.

 

[trampledamage]

For those of you who are married but your spouse has their own name and you have yours. How does it work when you are addressed jointly? Like in my case it's mr and mrs trampledamage - but presumably that's incorrect if you have different surnames.

 

[Michael Chris]

If I were married I would have to have the last name as my wife whether I changed it or she did. I wouldn't marry someone who wanted to keep ourselves apart. We would be no longer be two but one.

 

[Von_Steinwehr]

If I am ever fortunate enough to find a woman to marry it would not really matter to me if she took my last name or not. I would be happy to find someone who could accept my many flaws. If I ever find that person I am not going to complain if she wants to keep her maiden name. Marriage means alot more than names.

 

[DAK]

IMO, the tradition of a woman taking her husband's name is an archaic holdover from a time when women were considered a man's property, and the change in name simply indicated a transfer of ownership from her father to her new husband.

I totally agree, and I did not take my husband's name when I got married.

 

[LaxScrutiny]

For those of you who are married but your spouse has their own name and you have yours. How does it work when you are addressed jointly? Like in my case it's mr and mrs trampledamage - but presumably that's incorrect if you have different surnames.

Well, like I said, my ex took my last name, but we were never referred to as "Mr and Mrs Scrutiny". It was always "Lax and Constance". Maybe if we were meeting the Queen, but that never happened.