Lines You'd Never Hear in Trek

[cultcross]

Odon said:

Kirk: "Captain's log, supplemental. Somehow I have time to make a log entry in the middle of a crisis..."


Sisko: "Sisko to all vessels in the fleet. Space is infinite. Stop flying so close to each other."

brilliant

your others were great too!

 

[Jarvis]

Spock:"Captain we are being hailed by the alien vessel."

Kirk: "On screen please Mr. Spock, *under his breath* pointy ears."

Spock: "I beg your pardon captain?"

Kirk: "Oh nothing, nothing just thinking aloud."
*As the rest of the bridge crew break into the giggles*

 

[Jarvis]

The Borg: Listen lads we've had a chat amongst ourselves and we've realised that we've been complete arses about this whole "resistance is futile stuff", and we just wondered if you fancied forgeting all that and starting again with a clean slate?

 

[Jarvis]

Data: "Captain their cloaking device must have been damaged in that last attack, because I still cannot see the ship but there are 24 nude Klingons in a seated position off our port bow."

 

[indranee]

^somebody sure has a lotta time on their hands

(don't mind me, I loved them all!) :thumbsup:

 

[KDoug]

(Geordi and Data are strolling through the corridors.)

Geordi: (apparently looking at a wall) "Woo-hoo! Get a load of that stuff!"

Data: "Geordi, I see nothing of interest in that direction."

Geordi: "Shows how much you know! This VISOR rules!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

Wesley:"But I was going into Tashi Station to pick up some power converters!!"

 

[MrPointy]

Garak: Oh Dr. Bashir, I've been meaning to tell you that the gay subtext everyone's been reading from us is genuine.

 

[Jarvis]

indranee said:
^somebody sure has a lotta time on their hands

(don't mind me, I loved them all!) :thumbsup:

Jarvis is surrounded by a radiant azure blue glow and leaps to another thread.

 

[JD]

"We are the Borg, we want nothing to do with you, and we will leave you alone".

 

[Odon]

Sulu: "Captain's log, USS Excelsior. We are conducting a survey of gaseous anomalies, otherwise known as 'space farts'."

Kirk: "It's time to prove to your crew you're worth a damn. Sometimes that means dying, sometimes that means killing a whole lot of redshirts."

Phlox: "But eels have been used to treat your species since the Middle Ages!"

Data: "Prick us do we not beep? Tickle us do we not loop? Wrong us...shall we not reboot?"

EMH: "Captain Janeway's diagnosis appears satisfactory. The medicine I prescribed is keeping her multiple personality disorder under control, and there are no signs of the chronic hair loss endemic among Starfleet captains."

EMH: "I realised the Delaney Sisters were asking me to pleasure both of them simultaneously. Fortunately multi-tasking is second nature to me."

Janeway: "It's the Borg! Run Seven! Run as fast as your high heels and corset allow you!"

Janeway: "I don't know what to make of you, Ensign Kim. Perhaps a paperweight."

T'Pol: "Kindly stop talking to my chest."

Chekov: "In the words of early Starfleet explorer Hoshi Sato: AAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!"

B'Elanna: "Doctor, we'll have to delete some of your subroutines if we're going to transmit your program to the Alpha Quadrant."
EMH: "Which subroutines?"
B'Elanna: "Does the word 'emasculation' mean anything to you?"

Janeway: "Commander Chakotay was helping me find my spirit guide."
B'Elanna: "Really...so you dropped your spirit guide down the front of his pants?"

EMH: "I hadn't felt this awful since an attack of photonic fleas from Neelix's amber spice forced me to shave my head."

Alien to Janeway: "Why does your ship look like a coffee spoon?"

Janeway: "Launch all shuttlecraft! Fill them with every expendable ensign we've got!"

Tuvok: "I shall use the Vulcan mind meld. I require two hours of meditation to prepare a contemplative expression."

Janeway: "I sentence you to death by exploding console."

Seven: "I find it difficult to get close to members of the crew."
B'Elanna: "Well maybe if you had smaller breasts..."

Janeway: "Do it, or I'll have the entire Alpha shift boiled alive in black coffee!"

Archer: "My continuing mission: to seek out new life and get beaten up by it."

EMH: "I've designed Seven of Nine's biosuit based on a similar garment worn by the Vulcan science officer on the NX-01 Enterprise."

B'Elanna: "Ever since Janeway took Chakotay down to the planet Stepford he's been acting like a robot."

Janeway: "That Seven of Nine, I wish I had ten of her."

Borg: "We are the Powers That Be. Continuity is irrelevant."

Seven: "Personal log. Whenever I crawl down a Jeffries tube I appear to be followed by a camera that films my ass."

Seven: "I do not see the point of monogamy. Confining oneself to a single relationship is boring."
B'Elanna: "And what does that mean?"
Seven: "I intend to become a slut."

Crusher: "Shinzon was cloned from one of your hairs."
Picard: "But I don't have any hair!"
Crusher: "It appears the Romulans used a pubic hair. That's why he's such a prick."

Trip: "Could you move a bit to the left, T'Pol? The weight of your breasts is throwing out the artificial gravity."

Data: "Captain, those elite Remen shock troops are using a standard military tactic called 'Fire & Maneuver'. As a result we shall be dead long before I get through this door."

Neelix: "Leola root stew is people!"

 

[KDoug]

Janeway: "For outstanding services, Chief Tactical and Security Officer, it's my pleasure to grant you the rank of Lieutenant Commander. Congratulations, Tuvok."

Tuvok: (Sighs) "After 30 years of service, I have only now attained the rank of Lieutenant Commander. Captain, is it because I am a Black Vulcan?"

Kim: "No, but I know how you feel!"

 

[ktanner3]

-Kruge "Captain Kirk!(acting like Reverend Jim in taxi) you said you don't have genisis device?Well Okay."

-troi "Ensign crusher, I sense you have strong feelings for me"
Ensign crusher "Did you really see into my mind, or did the large bulge in my pants give it away?"

-Captain Archer "Hoshi, if you bitch one more time on this bridge I'm tossing you out of the nearest air lock"

-Seven of Nine".....and I notice your pupils diolate whenever you look at my body
Ensign Kim "Not your whole body, just your boobs."

 

[KDoug]

Picard: "I feel the urge... to dance!"


Scotty: "My name is Montgomery... and I am an alcoholic."


Future Guy: "I'm sure all of you in the audience are wondering what my evil plan is. So, I'll tell you..."

 

[Jarvis]

Picard: Commander Data lay in a new course.

Data: Where to Captain?

Picard: That big twinkly star on the right.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Kirk: "Kirk to Klingon Captain, I know you'll be surprised to hear that I'm still alive. Sorry about your crew, but as we say on Earth, C'est la vie."

Kruge: "Great Scott!"

 

[JD]

Seven of Nine or T'Pol: Doctor, I would like to request a breast reduction, so people can focus on how well I do my job instead of my cup size.

 

[MisterPL]

STAR TREK III - Enterprise Turbolift

Saavik: Captain. I would like to talk to you about your son, David.

Kirk: Of cour-- Wait a minute... who the fuck are you?

Saavik: Lt. Saavik, Captain.

Kirk: (Glances at the image of Kirstie Alley in the Officer of the Month plaque on the wall in the turbolift.) Like hell you are. Security!

 

[KDoug]

Janeway: "Launch a shuttlecraft."

Kim: "Uh, Captain, we're out of shuttlecraft. Our last one was destroyed in the recent Kazon attack."

 

[Rosie]

The famous Vulcan insult : Die young and fail.