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I have a bad feeling about this!
Hey, it worked in all the Star Wars movies.
Hey, it worked in all the Star Wars movies.
Lines You'd Never Hear in Trek
- Thread starter MetalPants
- Start date
DS9 Strfleet Admiral: In response to recent events aka. the Dominion sending a fleet through the wormhole and the Cardassians joining the dominion we are blockading the wormhole and declaring wr on the dominion.
Big Bad Guy: "At last, my evil henchman, it is time for me to put my plan into motion for destroying the Federation once and for all!"
Evil Henchman: "Are we going to destroy Earth?"
Big Bad Guy: "Of course not, you fool! I'm going to destroy their key starbases, followed by their construction facilities! Their starship support infrastructure will be crippled!"
Evil Henchman: "And that will destroy the Federation?"
Big Bad Guy: "No, but it's a vital first step. You really can't accomplish a goal like this in one fell swoop. What do you think, it's like in the movies?"
Evil Henchman: "Are we going to destroy Earth?"
Big Bad Guy: "Of course not, you fool! I'm going to destroy their key starbases, followed by their construction facilities! Their starship support infrastructure will be crippled!"
Evil Henchman: "And that will destroy the Federation?"
Big Bad Guy: "No, but it's a vital first step. You really can't accomplish a goal like this in one fell swoop. What do you think, it's like in the movies?"
"Have sex with an alien? Ewwwwww!"
"Measure of a Man"
Data: She was special to me sir, we were..."intimate"
Luvois: Do you have any questions, Mr. Riker?
Riker: Yes I do. Just when were you intimate with Tasha? Data, you old dog, I never knew you had it in ya?
Riker high fives Data.
Luvois: Well since Data can have sex with me...I mean, oh hell. He can do whatever he wants. Case dismissed.
Data: She was special to me sir, we were..."intimate"
Luvois: Do you have any questions, Mr. Riker?
Riker: Yes I do. Just when were you intimate with Tasha? Data, you old dog, I never knew you had it in ya?
Riker high fives Data.
Luvois: Well since Data can have sex with me...I mean, oh hell. He can do whatever he wants. Case dismissed.
Seven: "This catsuit really chafes my nipples."
Klingon: THIS! IS! QO'NOS!
Kirk: THIS! IS! STARFLEET!
Worf: THIS! IS! PRUNEJUICE!
Kirk: THIS! IS! STARFLEET!
Worf: THIS! IS! PRUNEJUICE!
Jadzia Dax: "Hey, you guys should take a look at these old naked holograms of me from when I was drunk! They're kind of..."
Bashir: "Jadzia gone WILD? Hell, yeah! LemmeSEE!!! GAH!!!"
Jadzia Dax: "Well, not exactly 'me', but..."
Bashir: "Never do that to me again!"
Jadzia Dax: "I thought that people would be amused by pictures of an old, naked, drunk guy."
Bashir: "Jadzia gone WILD? Hell, yeah! LemmeSEE!!! GAH!!!"
Jadzia Dax: "Well, not exactly 'me', but..."
Bashir: "Never do that to me again!"
Jadzia Dax: "I thought that people would be amused by pictures of an old, naked, drunk guy."
sisko: THIS IS BAJOR!
Borg: "WE ARE THE BORG. YOU'RE SCREWED."
Kirk: "My God yeoman, I can see what color knickers you're wearing!"
Janeway: "Let's have sex."
Janeway: "We can't do that! It would violate all established continuity!"
Seven: "Captain, I'm afraid the Doctor removed most of my Borg implants on your orders, so I am unable to save the ship."
Picard: "Screw the Prime Directive. KILL 'EM ALL!"
Picard: "I'd like to introduce you all to our first gay crew member..."
Kirk: "Bones, I can't get it up..."
Janeway: "All right, pull into that space dock for a six month repair job."
Worf: "Let's get the hell out of here!"
Kirk: "I'm smirking at the superior intellect."
Barclay: "I don't need counseling, Deanna. I've just come to stare at your amazing tits."
Redshirt: "I'M NOT BEAMING DOWN!"
EMH: "Well Seven, it's time for me to spray a new catsuit onto your body."
Janeway: "Hypocritical bitch, aren't I?"
Kes: "Look furious, don't I? Well I am. But it wasn't just for lack of acting opportunities I can tell you. Actually my last episode put me in a non-corporeal state, a state I was to lie in for three years. When I woke up, I went on what the Star Trek fans referred to as 'an incomprehensible change of a compassionate and well-loved character to the PMT Bitch from Hell!' Well only a Trekkie would find it incomprehensible to be pissed over being given the boot for a busty blonde wrapped in alfoil. So I bitched, and I raised hell, and I got bloody satisfaction. I've killed a hell of a lot of anonymous Voyager ensigns to get to this point. But I have only one more target; the last one. The one I'm walking to right now. The only one left. And when I arrive at my destination, I am going to KILL KATHYRN!"
EMH: "There's nothing more I can do for Chakotay. The alien virus has turned all the DNA in his face to wood fibre."
EMH: "I'm a doctor, not a dildo."
Janeway: "Activate the Reset Button."
Janeway: "Coffee. Decaf."
Spock: "Logic is illogical."
Picard: "I wrote Shakepeare's plays."
Surak: "The spear in the other man's heart had better be held by you."
Computer: "What are you doing, Dave?"
Picard: "Number One, in my Ready Room. My head needs polishing."
Janeway: "Seven, report to my Ready Room for a spanking."
Chakotay: "Me Tarzan, you Janeway."
Hoshi to T'Pol: "Cow."
Spock to Kirk: "Slut."
Archer: "Well at least I didn't get beaten up this time."
Spock: "Wow man, great drugs…"
Mayweather: "I DEMAND…THE RIGHT…TO SPEAK!"
Trip during Vulcan neuropressure: "OH YES, YES! I'M GOING TO CUM!"
Janeway: "I'm going bald!"
Number One (any time period): "Captain, that was THE dumbest command decision ever!"
Hoshi: "Look, we've never encountered this species before, so how do you expect me to understand a bloody word they're saying?"
Phlox to any two male crewmembers: "You'll find the appropriate decontamination gel in Compartment B."
Phlox: "What have you done with Archer's brain?! And what has he been using to think with over the past four years?"
Worf: "I am Worf, Son of a Bitch."
Computer: "The following holodeck characters are fictional and have no resemblance to persons living or dead."
Kirk: "Awww, my shirt's been torn again!"
Spock: "Human scum!"
Data: "EX-TER-MINATE!"
Tuvok: "We appear to have been struck by some kind of Orgasm Ray."
B'Elanna: "Engineering to Bridge, we're drowning in technobabble here!"
B'Elanna: "But you'd dramatically reduce the hazards of exploding computer consoles by using this highly sophisticated surge protection feature known as a 'fuse'."
Janeway: "Chakotay, you tattooed totem pole..."
Janeway: "Captain's Log. It has now been 47 days since our last ensign death."
Picard to Alien of the Week: "My God, you look ugly!"
Picard: "THERE ARE FIVE LIGHTS!"
Chakotay: "No, Captain."
McCoy: "Jim, before we beam down I want you to watch this video on the dangers of inter-species sex."
Kirk: "Chekov, I find your accent as convincing as vodka that's been bottled in Taiwan."
Janeway: "Fetch my Battle Bra!"
T'Pol after the decontamination scene in Broken Bow: "He slimed me!"
Kirk: "Captain's log, supplemental. Somehow I have time to make a log entry in the middle of a crisis..."
Miles: "Why, this planet looks just like Bronson Canyon back on Earth."
Reed: "They're docking at the port docking port."
Alien: "I am from Uranus."
Data: "A malfunction in my positronic brain is giving me intense orgasms at 47 minute intervals."
Villain of the Week: "I'm not going to destroy Earth yet. I'll wipe out some of the Federation's hundreds of outlying planets first."
Kirk: "Bones, I'm out of condoms."
Spock: "The Enterprise appears to be jammed up the anus of giant space creature. Fascinating."
Hoshi: "Gort, Klaatu barado nikto."
Alien: "You mean that Seven of Nine is a Borg? I didn't recognise her without the armoured exoskeleton and cybernetic implants."
Evil Alien of the Week: "I have captured the Starfleet captain. Prepare the rectal probe!"
Seven: "Underwear is irrelevant."
Sisko: "Sisko to all vessels in the fleet. Space is infinite. Stop flying so close to each other."
Picard: "Shields up. Deploy seatbelts."
Bones: "He's alive, Jim."
Chakotay: "We're out of shuttles, photon torpedoes, and energy for the holodeck."
Archer: "Set course for Risa. I want to fuck."
Riker to Picard: "You're got a funny accent for a Frenchman."
Spock: "The transporter accident appears to have split the captain into his gay and straight halves."
Archer: "Would you kindly move your breasts out of the way, T'Pol? I need to get past."
T'Pol: "Trip, you smell."
Ensign: "Okudagram for Captain Picard, Okudagram for Captain Picard..."
Future Guy to Archer: "Your series is in danger of cancellation."
Archer: "I'm going to get pre-First Contact on your ass!"
Hardheaded Alien of the Week: "You are trespassing in our space. We have signs up every three light years - you must have seen them."
Kirk: "Captain's Log: We are circling a planet that looks like a gigantic pea."
Phaser: "WARNING. YOUR WEAPON IS NOW SET ON STUN. USE OF NON-LETHAL FORCE IS NOT GUARENTEED. ENERGY BLAST MAY CAUSE GRAND-MAL SEIZURE IN INDIVIDUALS PRONE TO EPILEPSY. ENERGY BLAST MAY CAUSE DEATH OR PERMANENT INJURY TO CHILDREN, PREGNANT WOMEN, ELDERLY PERSONS, OR ALIEN LIFEFORMS OF UNKNOWN BIOLOGY. DO NOT FIRE UPON INDIVIDUALS WITHIN THREE METRES AS DEATH OR PERMANENT INJURY MAY RESULT. DO NOT FIRE UPON INDIVIDUALS STANDING ON OR NEAR HARD OBJECTS AS INJURY MAY RESULT FROM FALL. NO LEGAL RESPONSIBILITY IS ACCEPTED FOR USE OF WEAPON OUTSIDE THESE PARAMETERS. DO YOU WISH TO FIRE?"
Kirk: "My God yeoman, I can see what color knickers you're wearing!"
Janeway: "Let's have sex."
Janeway: "We can't do that! It would violate all established continuity!"
Seven: "Captain, I'm afraid the Doctor removed most of my Borg implants on your orders, so I am unable to save the ship."
Picard: "Screw the Prime Directive. KILL 'EM ALL!"
Picard: "I'd like to introduce you all to our first gay crew member..."
Kirk: "Bones, I can't get it up..."
Janeway: "All right, pull into that space dock for a six month repair job."
Worf: "Let's get the hell out of here!"
Kirk: "I'm smirking at the superior intellect."
Barclay: "I don't need counseling, Deanna. I've just come to stare at your amazing tits."
Redshirt: "I'M NOT BEAMING DOWN!"
EMH: "Well Seven, it's time for me to spray a new catsuit onto your body."
Janeway: "Hypocritical bitch, aren't I?"
Kes: "Look furious, don't I? Well I am. But it wasn't just for lack of acting opportunities I can tell you. Actually my last episode put me in a non-corporeal state, a state I was to lie in for three years. When I woke up, I went on what the Star Trek fans referred to as 'an incomprehensible change of a compassionate and well-loved character to the PMT Bitch from Hell!' Well only a Trekkie would find it incomprehensible to be pissed over being given the boot for a busty blonde wrapped in alfoil. So I bitched, and I raised hell, and I got bloody satisfaction. I've killed a hell of a lot of anonymous Voyager ensigns to get to this point. But I have only one more target; the last one. The one I'm walking to right now. The only one left. And when I arrive at my destination, I am going to KILL KATHYRN!"
EMH: "There's nothing more I can do for Chakotay. The alien virus has turned all the DNA in his face to wood fibre."
EMH: "I'm a doctor, not a dildo."
Janeway: "Activate the Reset Button."
Janeway: "Coffee. Decaf."
Spock: "Logic is illogical."
Picard: "I wrote Shakepeare's plays."
Surak: "The spear in the other man's heart had better be held by you."
Computer: "What are you doing, Dave?"
Picard: "Number One, in my Ready Room. My head needs polishing."
Janeway: "Seven, report to my Ready Room for a spanking."
Chakotay: "Me Tarzan, you Janeway."
Hoshi to T'Pol: "Cow."
Spock to Kirk: "Slut."
Archer: "Well at least I didn't get beaten up this time."
Spock: "Wow man, great drugs…"
Mayweather: "I DEMAND…THE RIGHT…TO SPEAK!"
Trip during Vulcan neuropressure: "OH YES, YES! I'M GOING TO CUM!"
Janeway: "I'm going bald!"
Number One (any time period): "Captain, that was THE dumbest command decision ever!"
Hoshi: "Look, we've never encountered this species before, so how do you expect me to understand a bloody word they're saying?"
Phlox to any two male crewmembers: "You'll find the appropriate decontamination gel in Compartment B."
Phlox: "What have you done with Archer's brain?! And what has he been using to think with over the past four years?"
Worf: "I am Worf, Son of a Bitch."
Computer: "The following holodeck characters are fictional and have no resemblance to persons living or dead."
Kirk: "Awww, my shirt's been torn again!"
Spock: "Human scum!"
Data: "EX-TER-MINATE!"
Tuvok: "We appear to have been struck by some kind of Orgasm Ray."
B'Elanna: "Engineering to Bridge, we're drowning in technobabble here!"
B'Elanna: "But you'd dramatically reduce the hazards of exploding computer consoles by using this highly sophisticated surge protection feature known as a 'fuse'."
Janeway: "Chakotay, you tattooed totem pole..."
Janeway: "Captain's Log. It has now been 47 days since our last ensign death."
Picard to Alien of the Week: "My God, you look ugly!"
Picard: "THERE ARE FIVE LIGHTS!"
Chakotay: "No, Captain."
McCoy: "Jim, before we beam down I want you to watch this video on the dangers of inter-species sex."
Kirk: "Chekov, I find your accent as convincing as vodka that's been bottled in Taiwan."
Janeway: "Fetch my Battle Bra!"
T'Pol after the decontamination scene in Broken Bow: "He slimed me!"
Kirk: "Captain's log, supplemental. Somehow I have time to make a log entry in the middle of a crisis..."
Miles: "Why, this planet looks just like Bronson Canyon back on Earth."
Reed: "They're docking at the port docking port."
Alien: "I am from Uranus."
Data: "A malfunction in my positronic brain is giving me intense orgasms at 47 minute intervals."
Villain of the Week: "I'm not going to destroy Earth yet. I'll wipe out some of the Federation's hundreds of outlying planets first."
Kirk: "Bones, I'm out of condoms."
Spock: "The Enterprise appears to be jammed up the anus of giant space creature. Fascinating."
Hoshi: "Gort, Klaatu barado nikto."
Alien: "You mean that Seven of Nine is a Borg? I didn't recognise her without the armoured exoskeleton and cybernetic implants."
Evil Alien of the Week: "I have captured the Starfleet captain. Prepare the rectal probe!"
Seven: "Underwear is irrelevant."
Sisko: "Sisko to all vessels in the fleet. Space is infinite. Stop flying so close to each other."
Picard: "Shields up. Deploy seatbelts."
Bones: "He's alive, Jim."
Chakotay: "We're out of shuttles, photon torpedoes, and energy for the holodeck."
Archer: "Set course for Risa. I want to fuck."
Riker to Picard: "You're got a funny accent for a Frenchman."
Spock: "The transporter accident appears to have split the captain into his gay and straight halves."
Archer: "Would you kindly move your breasts out of the way, T'Pol? I need to get past."
T'Pol: "Trip, you smell."
Ensign: "Okudagram for Captain Picard, Okudagram for Captain Picard..."
Future Guy to Archer: "Your series is in danger of cancellation."
Archer: "I'm going to get pre-First Contact on your ass!"
Hardheaded Alien of the Week: "You are trespassing in our space. We have signs up every three light years - you must have seen them."
Kirk: "Captain's Log: We are circling a planet that looks like a gigantic pea."
Phaser: "WARNING. YOUR WEAPON IS NOW SET ON STUN. USE OF NON-LETHAL FORCE IS NOT GUARENTEED. ENERGY BLAST MAY CAUSE GRAND-MAL SEIZURE IN INDIVIDUALS PRONE TO EPILEPSY. ENERGY BLAST MAY CAUSE DEATH OR PERMANENT INJURY TO CHILDREN, PREGNANT WOMEN, ELDERLY PERSONS, OR ALIEN LIFEFORMS OF UNKNOWN BIOLOGY. DO NOT FIRE UPON INDIVIDUALS WITHIN THREE METRES AS DEATH OR PERMANENT INJURY MAY RESULT. DO NOT FIRE UPON INDIVIDUALS STANDING ON OR NEAR HARD OBJECTS AS INJURY MAY RESULT FROM FALL. NO LEGAL RESPONSIBILITY IS ACCEPTED FOR USE OF WEAPON OUTSIDE THESE PARAMETERS. DO YOU WISH TO FIRE?"
Kirk: "I'm…dying…Picard! I hereby…pass on…this symbol…of captaincy…to the next…generation…my toupee…you need it…more than I…"
Away team: "Take me to your leader."
B'Elanna: "I'm half-Human."
Hoshi (pointing phase pistol): "ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKER! DO...YOU...SPEAK...IT?"
Insectoid Xindi: (incomprehensible chirping)
Degra: "Talk slower, damn you! I'm trying to read your subtitles!"
Hoshi: "They are a race of beautiful lesbians who can only communicate through sexual intercourse."
Kirk: "Computer, CTRL + ALT + DELETE."
Tribble: "Feed me, Uhura! Must be blood! Must be fresh!"
Kirk: "Uhura, because of your skills as a translator I'm letting you beam down to that planet instead of that guest star Roddenberry wants to seduce."
Reed: "T'Pol has a nice bum. I'd love to bend her over a console and bugger her."
Reed: "You're a frakking Cylon!"
Data: "I am fully functional, and can rut for fifteen hours straight...more if I'm left plugged in."
Admiral: "We must uphold our Starfleet principles, no matter what."
Klingon captain: "Your reputation precedes you, Kirk. I challenge you to a screwing contest!"
McCoy: "Jim, that woman you slept with has fifteen different venereal diseases, some of which have already evolved into sentient forms of life."
Phlox: "Do be careful, Captain. My pet Tekarian Fang Beetle can consume ten times its weight in pubic hair."
Picard: "Subtitles on screen, Ensign."
Odo: "If you don't confess Quark, I'm going to morph into a phone book and beat you senseless!"
Shran to Mayweather: "Hey, blackskin!"
Computer: "The transporter is outside your service area. Please check the number and try again."
Sulu: "Captain! An alien vessel, tilted on a 47 degree angle relative to our own axis, is approaching from behind and slightly to the lower port side of the Enterprise."
Alien: "All your base are belong to us."
Spock: "Humans have such amazing stubby ears."
Alien to Janeway: "We are coffee-based lifeforms. You are charged with genocide. "
McCoy: "Oh the pain...the pain of it all..."
Khan: "I shall leave you as you left me. Marooned in the heart of a dead planet. Buried alive...buried alive..."
Kirk: "CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT!!!!"
Judge Q: "You're guilty, Picard!"
Picard: "Of what?"
Q: "Of not sleeping with me!"
Kirk: "Scotty, do you always double your repair estimates?"
Scotty: "Of course Captain. How do you think I could afford that luxury condo on Risa?"
Spock: "I am Vulcan. I cannot lie."
Klingon captain: "Since when?"
Spock: "Since that incident where I deceived the female Romulan captain...oops!"
Riker: "And this is the holodeck, which can simulate any environment we wish. But mostly the crew use it for porn."
Data: "Geordi, you're wearing a ladies hairclip over your eyes."
Away team: "Take me to your leader."
B'Elanna: "I'm half-Human."
Hoshi (pointing phase pistol): "ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKER! DO...YOU...SPEAK...IT?"
Insectoid Xindi: (incomprehensible chirping)
Degra: "Talk slower, damn you! I'm trying to read your subtitles!"
Hoshi: "They are a race of beautiful lesbians who can only communicate through sexual intercourse."
Kirk: "Computer, CTRL + ALT + DELETE."
Tribble: "Feed me, Uhura! Must be blood! Must be fresh!"
Kirk: "Uhura, because of your skills as a translator I'm letting you beam down to that planet instead of that guest star Roddenberry wants to seduce."
Reed: "T'Pol has a nice bum. I'd love to bend her over a console and bugger her."
Reed: "You're a frakking Cylon!"
Data: "I am fully functional, and can rut for fifteen hours straight...more if I'm left plugged in."
Admiral: "We must uphold our Starfleet principles, no matter what."
Klingon captain: "Your reputation precedes you, Kirk. I challenge you to a screwing contest!"
McCoy: "Jim, that woman you slept with has fifteen different venereal diseases, some of which have already evolved into sentient forms of life."
Phlox: "Do be careful, Captain. My pet Tekarian Fang Beetle can consume ten times its weight in pubic hair."
Picard: "Subtitles on screen, Ensign."
Odo: "If you don't confess Quark, I'm going to morph into a phone book and beat you senseless!"
Shran to Mayweather: "Hey, blackskin!"
Computer: "The transporter is outside your service area. Please check the number and try again."
Sulu: "Captain! An alien vessel, tilted on a 47 degree angle relative to our own axis, is approaching from behind and slightly to the lower port side of the Enterprise."
Alien: "All your base are belong to us."
Spock: "Humans have such amazing stubby ears."
Alien to Janeway: "We are coffee-based lifeforms. You are charged with genocide. "
McCoy: "Oh the pain...the pain of it all..."
Khan: "I shall leave you as you left me. Marooned in the heart of a dead planet. Buried alive...buried alive..."
Kirk: "CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT!!!!"
Judge Q: "You're guilty, Picard!"
Picard: "Of what?"
Q: "Of not sleeping with me!"
Kirk: "Scotty, do you always double your repair estimates?"
Scotty: "Of course Captain. How do you think I could afford that luxury condo on Risa?"
Spock: "I am Vulcan. I cannot lie."
Klingon captain: "Since when?"
Spock: "Since that incident where I deceived the female Romulan captain...oops!"
Riker: "And this is the holodeck, which can simulate any environment we wish. But mostly the crew use it for porn."
Data: "Geordi, you're wearing a ladies hairclip over your eyes."
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