Lines You'd Never Hear in Trek

[SiorX]

Anyone, any series: "Well, this is clearly none of our business.

 

[Stormrage]

Starfleet Admiral: Lets stop acting like a bunch of self important bastards ok. The federation isn't perfect and we aren't always right. The Cardassians can join the Dominion. Who the hell are we to stop them? We should respect the Domimion territory in the Gamma quadrant ok. They were there first. No more colonies being built and acts of shocks and horrors when they get massacred. This has already f****** happened. Thats why Native Indians got their own planet.

 

[Odon]

Kamala: Even the walls of Jericho fell, Captain Picard. As will your trousers.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Ensign: "Dr Spock, Dr Spock, I have those subspace readouts you requested."

McCoy: "It's Mister Spock, you sound like an idiot when you say it wrong."

Spock: "Actually the use of the appellation is warranted. I hold several PhDs from MIT, as well as the equivalent awards from the Vulcan Academy of Science."

McCoy: "Any of them in child rearing?"

Spock: "I have had papers published, in High Energy warp field variations and the need to recalibrate the Warp Scale, The effects of Whalesong on temporal dynamic equations, Mind Melds with Tribbles as a Kolinahr focus, and Comparative Human and Vulcan psychology in a starship environment. You have made significant contributions to the last."

McCoy: "Well, I hope I'm credited."

Spock: "As a test subject."

 

[Lonemagpie]

Nobody'll get this, but:

Neelix - Apologise to the rice! Eat the f**king rice!

 

[Captain Ice]

Any Klingon commander: Pardon us, we're just having a bad hair day.

 

[indranee]

The Giggling Elf said:
Ensign: "Dr Spock, Dr Spock, I have those subspace readouts you requested."

McCoy: "It's Mister Spock, you sound like an idiot when you say it wrong."

Spock: "Actually the use of the appellation is warranted. I hold several PhDs from MIT, as well as the equivalent awards from the Vulcan Academy of Science."

McCoy: "Any of them in child rearing?"

Spock: "I have had papers published, in High Energy warp field variations and the need to recalibrate the Warp Scale, The effects of Whalesong on temporal dynamic equations, Mind Melds with Tribbles as a Kolinahr focus, and Comparative Human and Vulcan psychology in a starship environment. You have made significant contributions to the last."

McCoy: "Well, I hope I'm credited."

Spock: "As a test subject."

 

[hellsgate]

*LMAO*

 

[Odon]

Kirk: "This is madness!"
Landru: "THIS…IS…RED HOUR!"

The God Apollo: "Kirk, I'm going to bugger you."
Kirk: "THIS…IS…NOT…SPARTA!"

Picard: "You just want to…give us the USS Stargazer?"
DaiMon: "The vessel is yours, if you wish to have it."
Kazago: "We are not selling it to him?"
Bok: "Consider it an act of friendship."
Kazago: "At no cost? This is madness!"
DaiMon Bok: "THIS…IS…BARTER!"

 

[Odon]

Kirk: "I need to be more modest."
Spock: "I need to dock my ears."
Uhura: "I need to get out of this chair."
Sulu: "I need to go play with my rapier."
Chekov: "I veed a vore convincing accent."

Picard: "I need a haircut."
Riker: "I need a change of underwear."
Data: "I need a drink."
Wesley: "I need to masturbate."
Geordi: "I need to pee."
Worf: "I need to think."
Barclay: "I need a condom."

Janeway: "I need a vibrator."
Seven: "I need a way out of this catsuit."
EMH: "I need a penis."
Kim: "I need bigger testicular implants."
Chakotay: "I need another expression."
Paris: "I need to speed."
B'Elanna: "I need a divorce."
Icheb: "I need a punk hairdo."
Kim: "I need a promotion."

 

[Hobs202]

Dukat: Captain Sisko, I don't suppose you would like to surrender and avoid any unneccessary bloodshed?

Sisko: PLEASE, DON'T SHOOT! I SURRENDER!

Dukat: Uh, okay...

 

[Odon]

Janeway: "I'll take us seventy-odd years to get home, so we all need to fuck like bunnies."

 

[KDoug]

Shinzon: (Dying) "I'm glad we're together now... our destiny is complete."

Picard: "Whatever. I can't believe you're so stupid that you ran right into the pike I was holding. Are you sure you're really my clone?" (shoves Shinzon aside)

Data: (Running into scene) "Captain! We must get off this ship!"

Picard: "But we have to to prevent the Thalaron beam from firing! There's not enough time to shut it down... We'll have to phaser it, although it may destroy the ship and us along with it."

Data: "I have a better idea." (Sets his phaser to overload, then places it alongside the Thalaron device) "Now, let us take these emergency transporter patches and beam back to the Enterprise."

Picard: "Make it so, you genius of an android!"

 

[Kadratis]

Janeway: Computer, coffee, decaf.

 

[MetalPants]

Picard-Data, I have learned to transcend the very laws of physics as we know it. I know the secret of time travel.

Data-Fascinating. Could you enlighten me sir?

Picard-It's just a jump to the left...

 

[Cyclopean]

NEELIX: How do you like your coffee, Captain?
JANEWAY: Black. Like my Vulcans.

 

[Adagio]

Orion slave girl: Thank you, come again!

 

[RandyS]

Any Trek captain:

"Set course for Starbase Babylon 5."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Random Officer: "Captain, we have a problem that I think you should take a look at."

Captain: "Why don't you just tell me? I mean. What's the point of the intercom?"

 

[Alyssa]

^^^
On so many occasions i have thought that