Lines You'd Never Hear in Trek

[MetalPants]

Any character, and show, and feel free to mix characters-lines you'd never hear, but would be fun if you did.

T'Pol to Hoshi-I need your talents as a cunning linguist.

Kirk to Picard-So, what formula do you prefer for your scalp wax?

Binars to Data-100111001001101001001111100001
Data's reply-00110010110101110110011111100001

 

[sbk1234]

Geordi to Data, upon seeing Spot:
That's not the kind of pussy I was talking about!

 

[jonnyskywatcher]

Anybody: The solution is simple, we push this button, and the bad guys' cloaking device is deactivated. We then save the day, like I said, simple.

 

[Adagio]

Picard: No, I think I can make a decision without having a senior-staff meeting.

 

[IDIC]

Engineer: The phase inducers are working as intended.

Picard to replicator: Soda, Coca-Cola, cold.

Data: I've completed the sensor sweep. However, I can't locate the source of the disturbance. I'll have to recalibrate the sensors.

 

[captcalhoun]

"Right, the bad guys are down there. it's dangerous. I'll stay here and allow my competent, highly trained and lethal security team to go down there and kick ass. best of luck, lads!"

 

[Turd Ferguson]

Picard: Computer, PBR, warm.

Garak: You want me to obtain highly classified information known only to the highest ranking members of the Obsidian Order? I wouldn't know how.

Janeway: Cleaning crew, report to the bridge, on the double!

Janeway: Mr. Kim, I hereby promote you to the rank of lieutenant! Congratulations, Lt. Kim!

 

[Hermiod]

Picard: Picard to Engineering, eject the warp core!
Geordi: Ejecting the core!
Computer: Warp core successfully ejected. Have a nice day.

 

[Vanyel]

Geordi: Bridge, the coolent system is working perfectly.

Kirk: Not tonight girl. I'm really tired and just need to sleep.

Troi: Captain, he's lying. He's hoping that if we stay here too long we wont see the other ships until it's too late.

Guinan: What? You think I have all day to listen to your problems? I got to run the only bar for a crew of just over 1000.

Unnamed Ensign: Captain there's a ship coming in from Romulan space, we, along with the starships Monitor, Venture, Potemkin, Voyager, Galaxy, Intrepid, Nebula and T'Kumbra, are the only ships in the area that can intercept it before it crosses into Federation space.

Any Captain: Red Alert. All hands to battle stations. Security teams secure Engineering, Sick-Bay, and the Bridge.

Any Captain: Catains log, stardate 3217.5. Nothing happened. Captains log stardate 3217.6. Nothing happened. Captains log stardate 3217.7.............

Riker: Captain our away team is being surrounded by 10 people, just beam us up.
Picard: But the Prime Directive....
Riker: It's just ten people. This society hasn't even made indoor plumbing. If they try to tell the others that we just disappeared, they'd be laughed at and shunned.

Anyone: Where's the restroom?

Sisko to Admiral Ross: Since the Worm Hole is the Dominion's only way into the Alpha Quadrant, why not station like 500 starships, thousands of mines and even more weapon platforms right at the mouth of the worm hole. We can do like the Greeks at Thermopylae.

 

[Trekwatcher]

Captain's Log: We arrived at the system in crisis as fast as we could but were too late to accomplish anything. Our mission has failed.

Captain's Log: We arrived at the system in crisis as fast as we could but our sister ship, the USS Runofthemill, got here first and completely saved the day already.

Doctor: Captain, I have never seen this disease before and there is nothing I could figure out in time. I'm sorry, but all of the affected crewmen have died. Oh, and you have the disease as well, by the way.

 

[Forbin]

Quick! Hand me that piano!

Do what you want to the girl, just leave me alone!

[/Carlin]

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

McCoy: "I'm a Doctor, and in my spare time an Insurance salesman"

Spock: "I'm reading an energy waveform, of the same sort that the Endeavour encountered on stardate 1033.4 in the Bolian Sector. It's nothing to worry about."

Scott: "I've altered the gravitational constant of the universe in order to increase engine efficiency."

Kirk: "Beam me up Scotty!"

Data: "Theoretically, it's impossible"

Picard: "Set course for Risa Number One. I'm in the mood to get laid"

Crusher: "There's something I've been meaning to tell you, you're Wesley's father."
Picard: "Nooooooooooo! That's impossible"

 

[Kemaiku]

Scotty: Fix that! get away with ya, I'm going back te bed.

 

[GeorgeKirk]

Seven of Nine: This skintight catsuit with built-in high heels is inefficient. Get me some baggy coveralls and work boots.

Worf: Captain, I'm scared. Hold me.

 

[Hambone]

"Captain...I'm frightened"

"Captain...look at my legs!"

"Brain and brain, what is brain?"

Oh, sorry. I mis-read the topic; those were lines you'd never want to hear in Trek. How about these:

KIRK: "Kirk. James Kirk."

KIRK: "Of all the starship bridges in all the quadrants in all the galaxy, she walks into mine."

KIRK: "Well, it's not the redshirts in your life that counts, it's the life in your redshirts."

SPOCK: "I'll be back. From the dead."

SPOCK: "Frankly, my dear Captain, I don't give a damn!"

SCOTTY: "Gimme an Aldebaran whiskey, ginger ale on the side. And don't be stingy, baby."

UHURA: "You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Well, who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well, I'm the only one here. Who the fuck do you think you're talkin' to?"

MCCOY: "I could dance with you till the cows come home...On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows when you came home."

 

[flandry84]

Picard: "That high-tech technobabble solution didn't work? Well, we will just have to stick around to figure something else out ,even if it takes us 'til next week".

 

[Noname Given]

Barcly: "Damn it sir, I can;t figure out what's wrong with our FTL mainframe."

Geordi: "I can. I HATE Microsoft Windows Vista 2378 edition!"

 

[Nomad V]

I believe that it was Genreral Shermans that said this about the Indians - Kill em All and Let God Sort them Out (the good ones).

 

[GeorgeKirk]

Any character: "Every planet we visit is full of nonhumanoid aliens who don't speak English!"

 

[EyalM]

Worf: "Captain! a Romulan war bird is declocking off port!"
Picard: "Fire all weapons!"