Fav lines...
From the pilot, when Larry is driving Piper to prison.
Larry: "Oh, sweetie...."
Piper: "Don't call me sweetie."
Larry: "Oh...Leonard..."
BEFORE Alex and Piper got all cozy again.
Alex: (At her AA meeting in the rec room) "Heroin was the best girlfriend I ever had. She always made me feel better and she was always available. But even the best girlfriend will fuck you over, you know?"
Piper: (Stamping out of her neighboring yoga class in the same room) Yeah, YOU would fucking know that, wouldn't ya!"
Tricia: (Also in AA, watching Piper walk off in a huff) "Damn, I thought
yoga was supposed to
relax you."
I fell in love with Larry's dad in "The Chickening" when he told his grown son Larry to "Get a job".
Also, when Larry asked dad to find out if Alex turned Piper into the feds, and his dad's droll response.
Daddy Bloom: "You want to know if she fingered her? I think
that's been established."
From the infamous dryer episode
Healy: "What exactly were you two doing?"
Luschek: "When I got there, the blonde one was screaming, and the hot one was stuck inside."
Piper & Healy [
together]: "The HOT one!?"
Luschek: [
smiles and nods, Alex merely smiles]
After Piper's long explanation re: Robert Frost Poem's "true" meaning in Blood Donut
Tricia: I will probably kill her (Piper) in her sleep tonight.
Taystee: Wake me up so I can watch.
From F*CKSGIVING
Nicky: (Commenting on Red's 50 cent a pound turkey scraps)
“That’s a bag of turkey assholes.”
From the same ep
Sophia: I don't understand why she
(Crystal, the mother of their son) needs to have sex... I mean...
look at you.
Sister Ingalls: I'm a nun, I took a vow. She married a man with a penis. I assume it was because she wanted to use it occasionally.
From Bora, Bora, Bora
The girls are playing cards in the rec room.
Alex: Am I crazy... or do these cards smell faintly like urine?... Smell that.
Piper:
EW! Stop it! Get it away from my face!
Alex: What? Is it bringing back memories?
Piper:
What?
Alex: "50 shades of Crazy Eyes"
From Tall Men with Feelings
Alex: You thought it was hilarious.
Piper: That was before I talked to Suzanne about what Psych was like.
Alex: Who's Suzanne?
Piper: Crazy Eyes.
Alex: Are you
cheating on
me and Larry with Crazy Eyes?Cause there's not room for
four of us
.
In the empty chapel, where Piper is waiting for people to come to Tricia's memorial service.
Piper:
(looks up hopefully, then looks downfallen when Alex walks in) Oh.
Alex: (walks in and tosses her jacket on a chair) Okay, so here's some advice. When a girl makes you cum the way I do...you should always act thrilled to see her.
Piper: Stop it.
Alex: (Hugs Piper) Ok, you are not in the mood for banter. I withdraw my bant.
In the white suburbs, where Piper finds Tricia's friends morning her loss.
Piper: So this is what you guys decided to do instead of come to my memorial, huh... get drunk?
Sister Ingalls: Which looks like more
fun?
Piper: Point, Nun.
From Fool Me Once, Pennsatucky talking to her lawyer in the visitors room
Tiffany: (Talking about Chapman) "She don't need him, [God] okay? All she needs is her own self, and her
Sasquatch of a girlfriend,"
(Taryn = 5'2" Laura = 5'10")
Pennsatucky corrects the way Piper tries to pray in (?) Fool Me Once
Piper: Mister...Christ?
And later the Nun gives her own critique (after Pennsatucky leaves) of the newbie's prayer.
Sister Ingalls: I would have looped something in about the Blessed Virgin to cover all my bases... but that's
just me.
Speaking of Pennsatucky, this is from the finale "Can't Fix Crazy". Specifically the Christmas auditions.
Chaplain: I assume from your choice of material, you're interested in a part of an
Angel?
Pennsatucky: Yes Ma'am...That's correct... because last year I was up on this stage as the
ox, and the year before that I was the
ass, And so, I dunno about y'all, but I'm really starting to feel like you're trying to
assassinate my character!
Also from the finale... when the kitchen waife tries to enlist Nikki's help with the despondent Red.
Gina: I said, "they're gonna throw you in the SHU if you (Red) don't show up for work", but then she gave me that look that makes my
ass leak.
Nicky:
I am familiar with
that look.
Taystee chatting up her new roommate after the guards finish their count.
Taystee: Heard you broke up with your girl.
Piper: Wow.
Twitter's got nothing on "prison".
Taystee: You feel bad?
Piper: I feel like I did what I needed to do.
Taystee: She mad?
Piper:
Yep.
Taystee: Mad enough to leave
a dead rat on your locker?
Piper: What?
(Taystee points to locker) WHOA!!!!
WTF No, no, no...
she didn't do that. Do you think that
thing just crawled up there and died?
And Black Cindy's explanation of who the Amelakites were.
Black Cindy: They so baaaad - they COWS had to die!
is giving Red. 
(Or how tall is Laverne? 
