Is phonesex cheating?

[Mr Awe]

Hm, so if phonesex is cheating, is it cheating to pleasure yourself, alone, while thinking about someone else who is not your partner? Is it worse if that someone else is an ex partner?

For me, the question is more about trust in the relationship. Doesn't matter what you consider the phonesex. The relationship obviously has trust issues.

Mr Awe

 

[Mr Awe]

I think you're getting overly caught in terms and what you do. I've never suggested you are a trollop!

I know you didn't! I was just worried that if I didn't make clear the distinction, people might not realize that having an open mind regarding sex does not equal slut.

My point is quite simple, whatever you want to call it, whether you consider it cheating or not, there are obvious issues in the relationship in question. There's a huge trust issue at least. This should be worked on. Or they should call it quits.

I'm actually quite open when it comes to relationship things like this. But, it all has to be built on trust. Without trust, no matter how liberal or conservative you are on this issue, it won't work.

Mr Awe

I agree with all of that.

Cool then!! And, I totally agree that there's a huge difference between an open mind and slut!

Mr Awe

 

[LaxScrutiny]

Monogamy isn't something you demand from your partner, it's a gift you offer your partner. You don't ever own your partner.

Something like phonesex shouldn't be a reason to freak out, go on a message board and look for support for your issues. It should be an opportunity to sit down with your partner, open up and talk about who you are.

If you need someone to tell you it's cheating, then what you're looking for is a "reference to authority" that you can take back to your partner and throw it in their face, they are obviously "wrong" and you are obviously "The Victim"(TM). When you start behaving like that, do everyone a favour and just move and change your phone number.

 

[DonIago]

Well-said. I'm not sure I entirely agree, but well-said.

Yeah, coming to a bunch of total strangers for help with a relationship issue is asking for trouble to some degree, especially given that we're really not invested in whether or not you and your SO do or do not remain a couple.

 

[TremblingBluStar]

If it's something she wouldn't be comfortable doing in front of your Grandma, it probably isn't good.

What about on Grandma's floor while she is out of town?

 

[An Officer]

Eavesdroppers (or in this case snoopers) never hear good of themselves.

 

[sidious618]

I don't know if it's cheating but your gf talking to an ex so he can jack off isn't exactly a sign of maturity. I can't say that this is a relationship that sounds worth pursuing but then again I don't know how long you've been with her and how it works. Looking through her email is not a good idea, though.

 

[PluckyNinja]

especially given that we're really not invested in whether or not you and your SO do or do not remain a couple.

Thats part of the reason I posted here, I wanted impartial opinions. That some people seemed to be more on the side of my girlfriend actually made it easier for me. I mean I made the decision to not break up with her on my own but seeing that some people kind of took her side I think helped me to understand what happened and why.

 

[Mr Awe]

^^^ Well, that's good. Just don't rationalize those trust issues away too easily though!

Mr Awe

 

[Cheryl]

I say yes.

My girlfriend was talking to an ex of hers on the phone and somehow got on the topic of a "special" night they had once shared. He did his thing while he listened. My girlfriend is now mad at ME because I read about it in her email. She apologized for what she did (though didn't seem too sorry about it) and wants me to apologize for reading her email. I read her email because I was suspicious, my suspicions turned out to be valid. My point of view is that what she did was much worse, she doesn't seem to think so. Even if I'm an asshole for what I did, I'd rather be an asshole and know the truth then not be an asshole and be in the dark. Of course I'm very angry and upset at the situation so any views or opinions from unbiased sources would be very welcome.

YES! And you'd better remember that!

 

[Michael Chris]

Of course it is cheating. Does not mean that the marriage would necessarily end, but counseling or some sort of resolution would have to come about.

 

[miraclefan]

YES!

 

[Shatmandu]

If it's something she wouldn't be comfortable doing in front of your Grandma, it probably isn't good.

That's close to my thinking:

If it's something you wouldn't be comfortable doing in front of your significant other, it is cheating.

OP, ask your girl if she'd be comfy with you listening in while her ex peels his shrimp.

Either way, it would piss me off.

Joe, saucy

 

[Garrovick]

You read her e-mail? A private e-mail?

On the other hand, it is cheating.