Hi guys. Sorry to have caused a fuss. I guess it's unusual for people to come on here and be so open and honest and upfront about their lives. I think it can shock a lot of people. I don't think anyone's being "fake" to me in this thread and Spiff's concern is misplaced. I think people are being genuine in their reactions to me and they are just shocked by my frankness.
You know, I'm shocked myself sometimes, reading back. To be honest I'm a little worried about myself and the things that have been going on in my head. You know, I probably do experience some paranoia. I'll admit that. Sometimes I fear things whcih I have no reason to fear and post about them here just to vent, just to get it out of my head, because I'm scared if I do keep it in my head I'll go crazy nuts bananas.
But a lot of stuff has happened to my in my life, especially in the last two years since I met Alicia, but even going back to childhood. Stuff I haven't told you all about, stuff I've told NO ONE BODY about. Stuff which I think has affcted me in serious ways. Shaken me.
I have been advised to speaked to counsellors in the past. All throughout school, in fact. But I avoided it, got out of it, or if I did have to speak to them I'd just make up some bullshit story.
But I think I may need to speak to someone.
I'm not saying I'm mentally ill or bipolar or anything like that. But my moods change rapidly. The swing. Moods arne't supposed to swing like that. It really hurts me. Messes me up. I can't think straight sometimes. It's like I'm being tossed around on the inside. I can't hardly cope a lot of the time.
I know people here have noticed it too, like my friend Squiggy above who pointed out how quickly my attitudes towars my girlfriend have changed, and the many many many many people who have sent my private messages asking if I'm okay. I appreciate the concern. It's good that people look out for each other on this board.
I'm gonig to go to the doctor tomorrow. It's a huge step, and I don't even know what I'm going to say to him...but I know I have to say something. Before I explode. Or, worse, implode.