I am bored-so let us make fun of Nemesis again

[ancient]

Therin of Andor said:
^ Because all the bad Romulans got turned to dust in the prologue?

No, that was the senate that told the Military they weren't going to invade Earth. So the anti-war senate was killed and Shinzon placed in power because he said: "I'll invade them and kill them all with my big gun!" And the Military folks said: "Yay! More war 4 us!"

Then The Romulans call up Picard and say: "Please excuse us while we blow up our Praetor's flagship! Sorry about the mess, have a nice day, Cherrio!

Picard goes: "I owe you a drink for not blowing me up!"

Romulan Military woman says: "I'm Buyin!"

So...WTF was UP with that?!

 

[GreenBlood]

Haggis and Tatties said:
"Quick the reman are boarding the Enterprise,what shall we do..."

"Computer ....TURN ALL THE LIGHTS ON."

Red Shirt1: "Quick, the Reman are boarding the Enterprise, and they're wearing their super-duper, extra dark sun glasses. Now what shall we do!?"

Picard: "Ummm"

Red Shirt2: "Is that super-duper SPF 100 proof sun screen they're wearing!?"

Data: "Affirmative."

Red Shirt3: "Now what'll we do!!??"

Picard: "Recommendations Number 1?"

Ryker: "Ummmm..."

 

[Trekker4747]

"Computer, initiate auto destruct."
"AUTO DESTRUCT IS OFF LINE."
"Wait... WHAT?! That dosen't make any damn sense! How can the flippin auto-destruct be off-line?! Isn't this the situations the damn thing was designed for? Can't you just drop some containment fields in the antimatter pods? Put some foil in the microwave? Do ANYTHING?! Off-line my ass!"

 

[GreenBlood]

Trekker4747 said:
"Computer, initiate auto destruct."
"AUTO DESTRUCT IS OFF LINE."
"Wait... WHAT?! That dosen't make any damn sense

Computer: "THERE ARE ARSENIC TABLETS WAITING ON YOUR NIGHT STAND IN YOUR AND YOUR CREW'S QUARTERS. HAVE A NICE DAY. COMPUTER OFF-LINE."

 

[Aldo]

Or an alternate version of the same scene:

"Computer, initiate auto destruct."
"AUTO DESTRUCT IS OFF LINE."
"Fuck! Even in the future nothing works."

 

[David cgc]

ancient said:
No, that was the senate that told the Military they weren't going to invade Earth. So the anti-war senate was killed and Shinzon placed in power because he said: "I'll invade them and kill them all with my big gun!" And the Military folks said: "Yay! More war 4 us!"

Then The Romulans call up Picard and say: "Please excuse us while we blow up our Praetor's flagship! Sorry about the mess, have a nice day, Cherrio!

You're forgetting that scene where Shinzon made it clear that he wouldn't treat the Romulans very nicely once he had solidified his hold. Remember the whole, "You're not a woman, you're a romulan, and I'll make a lampshade of your skin if you ever touch me" bit? The pro-military, pro-coup elements then realized that it would be better to work with the Federation to stop Shinzon than to work with Shinzon to stop the Federation. The Federation, you see, would not execute a tyrannical rule over the Romulans later.

Also, this thread made me finally figure out how the self-destruct could be off-line. What happened was that all of those safety features designed to keep the ship from exploding actually worked. And between the broken circuits, ejected antimatter, and locked-down conduits, the ship had actually made it physically impossible for it to explode, even by its own doing.

Now, Picard probably could've still scuttled the ship, using the charges in the hull, the shuttlecraft warp cores or, heck, even vaporizing the ship piece by piece with hand phasers, but that wouldn't have effected the primary goal of blowing up Shinzon.

 

[Trekker4747]

"So what is your name?"
"I am B4."
"Before what."
"Pardon me sir."
"What are you before?"
"I am an android."
"Yes, I know, but what is your name."
"I am B4."
"Yes, but what are you before?"
"I am an adroid."
:head desk:

 

[Trekker4747]

Also, this thread made me finally figure out how the self-destruct could be off-line. What happened was that all of those safety features designed to keep the ship from exploding actually worked. And between the broken circuits, ejected antimatter, and locked-down conduits, the ship had actually made it physically impossible for it to explode, even by its own doing.

Now, Picard probably could've still scuttled the ship, using the charges in the hull, the shuttlecraft warp cores or, heck, even vaporizing the ship piece by piece with hand phasers, but that wouldn't have effected the primary goal of blowing up Shinzon.

They still had the warp core.

If they dropped the containment of the antimatter pods they would've had an uncontrolled antimatter explosion which would've destroyed the Enterprise and taken the Scimitar with it.

 

[Delta1]

The Enterprise is searching for the Scimitar, hidden beneath its cloak. Offering to help, Counselor Troi takes the tactical station. Dramatic light and shadow is cast over her face as she caresses the firing control. The following conversation takes place sotto voce.

PICARD

Will, what is she doing?

RIKER

Shinzon contacted her telepathically, so she thinks she can find him again, with her mind.

PICARD

And then what?

RIKER

Shoot him, I suppose.

PICARD

But how? Will, she's not a Jedi Knight. She's an empath, a weak telepath on her good days. She can tell me that he's angry, or maybe that he's thinking of ravioli for dinner, but she can't give us precise three-dimensional targeting coordinates relative to the Enterprise's position.

RIKER

Just humor her, Captain. If you don't let her try, I'll have to pay for it tonight.

PICARD

I'm just saying, Will, perhaps our time would be better spent running an active scan, or trying to detect them through subspace eddies or something like that. Multimodal reflection sorting, that sort of thing. We don't have all day.

RIKER

Just give her another minute, if it doesn't work I'll find something else for her to do.

PICARD

That's just it, Will, it can't possibly work. Given everything we know about her character and how telepathy works in this series, there's no conceivable mechanism by which it could work.

RIKER

Character? Series? You sound like you're nit-picking a movie.

PICARD

Dammit, Will, I am not nit-picking! This is a major scene!

 

[David cgc]

Trekker4747 said:
They still had the warp core.

If they dropped the containment of the antimatter pods they would've had an uncontrolled antimatter explosion which would've destroyed the Enterprise and taken the Scimitar with it.

Unless, as you yourself quoted from "Contagion," the antimatter was all ejected when the ship detected a breach was imminent, which was entirely possible in the violence of the ramming. And the ship didn't do anything that would require a warp core or antimatter for the rest of the movie.

 

[GreenBlood]

Trekker4747 said:
"So what is your name?"
"I am B4."
"Before what."...
:head desk:

"So what is your name?"
"I Wynn2."
"You went to where?"
"I went to the Academy."
"Yes, I know, but what is your name?"
"I Wynn2."
"Awww, skip it."

 

[Nebusj]

GreenBlood said:

Haggis and Tatties said:
"Quick the reman are boarding the Enterprise,what shall we do..."
"Computer ....TURN ALL THE LIGHTS ON."

Red Shirt1: "Quick, the Reman are boarding the Enterprise, and they're wearing their super-duper, extra dark sun glasses. Now what shall we do!?"

Oh, like they could fit sunglasses in their Captain EO outfits.
How about:

Picard bends the Death Balustrade of Death so that it bumps around on Shinzon's chest, causing them both to look around wondering if they're going to use that take or maybe use one where it looks like Shinzon was impaled instead --
SHINZON: Mom told you no roughhousing on the ship!
PICARD: You started it, I'm telling!

 

[GreenBlood]

...Mom: "Boys, don't make me have to come over there..! Play nice."

 

[Peach Wookiee]

Aldo said:
Or an alternate version of the same scene:

"Computer, initiate auto destruct."
"AUTO DESTRUCT IS OFF LINE."
"Fuck! Even in the future nothing works."

A few minutes later...
"3...2...1... Have a nice day..."
Shinzon : Thank you...
BOOM!

 

[drasche]

I'm in love with this topic. Thank you all.

 

[Haggis and tatties]

Romulan 1" I have a idea, lets clone Starfleet personal"

Romulan 2 " Great idea,how do we chose"

Romulan 1" Simple....bring in the Romlulan randomizer device"

Romulan 2" You do release its just a hat with some names in it!"

Romulan 1" ohh bags first pick...(Pick first name)....Who the **** is john luck pilchard...Oh well...on with the cloning"

Romulan 2" What if we change our mind and we don't want the clone"

Romulan 1 " Oh just send it down the mines....I mean what trouble could one human clone cause from the bottom of a mine shaft that's heavily guarded night and day, and has been home to our reman slaves for centuries...i mean really.."


Romulan 1" OK on to our next bit of business which seems to be the removal of all our ships and bases from the neutral zone right up to our front door..All in favour..."

 

[ancient]

Romulan Comm: "Ok, now that we've decided to kill the guy we just put in power and save Earth for no real reason, how do we stop him?"

Romulan Adm: "Send two of our smaller ships to stop him?"

Romulan Comm: "But we have a whole fleet of dreadnoughts. I don't think-"

Romulan Adm: "We're not paying you to think."

____________

Picard: "I'll beam over to the Shimitar to stop Shinzon. So I'll need to be well armed. I'll take a phaser and a rifle."

*Later*

Picard: "Ok, I want to talk to the asshole that designed these things. I clubbed ONE GUY with my gun and it snapped in half like a soggy pinyata. Then my phaser pistol just fell out of my holstor and I had to kill Shinzon with a pointy wall decoration."

 

[Trekker4747]

Picard: "Ok, I want to talk to the asshole that designed these things. I clubbed ONE GUY with my gun and it snapped in half like a soggy pinyata. Then my phaser pistol just fell out of my holstor and I had to kill Shinzon with a pointy wall decoration."

Picard: Man... Killing him with that pointy wall thing really took a lot out of me. I think I'll just lean back an relax for a moment. :yawn:

---

You know, I think Rifftrax need to do Nemesis next.

 

[Holytomato]

Picard: "Mr. Data, I think we're lost."

Data: "Nah, sir, I know where I'm going."

Worf: ":belch:"

:cue laugh track:

Data: "I know, let's sing HMS Pinafore."

ata grins:

:cue cute and cuddly track:

Worf: "You p'tach! That's from the last movie!"

:cue growling here:

Data: "F&ck You!"

Picard: "Boys...Boys! Stop arguing or I will, ergo, turn The Argo around, and you will have to warp home!"

:cue Data and Worf scowling:

Data: ":belch: I have found a posotronic signal like me."

Worf: ":roll eyes: Here we go again."

Data: "eek! Its the forehead aliens of the week! We must flee! The android, that becomes me-"

Picard: "Don't reveal plot point!"

Data: "Well, its all over the place!"

Worf: "That's you all over. Let's leave him! :grimace:"

Data: "Scowl:"

B-9: "They took my arms, and they threw them over there! They took my chest out and they threw it over there!"

Picard: "Worf, here is your povitual scene, get Data- er B-4-"

Data: "B-9"

Picard: " B-9 and throw him in this sack!"

Worf: ":fart: yes you old hack."

Picard: "What!?"

Worf: "Nothing.

B-9: "Turn around you furball, I can't see!"

Worf: "I left Qo'nos for this!?"

 

[Pro Populo]

SHINZON

I'm afraid you won't survive to witness the victory of the echo over the voice.

VICEROY

You've been practicing that, haven't you?

SHINZON

A little. Did it sound rehearsed?

VICEROY

Not really. I would have just killed him, but y'know...

SHINZON

Well, I felt I needed to ramp up the poetry a bit, y'know? I mean, what's the good in offing the source of my own DNA if I can't throw some half-assed flowery prose at it?

VICEROY

Good point, sir.

PICARD (watching)