How to break up after 8 years
- Thread starter Naira
- Start date
Break ups should just be BANNED. Period. I'm with the Catholics on this. It's absolutely a loose/loose situation, unless you are a sadist or masochist.
Yeah, you don't want it to be something like this:
[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrtUDosTrS0[/yt]
I don't think there's any good way to end an 8-year relationship that won't cause some pain, especially if your reason is just that your goals have drifted apart (as opposed to something specific that you can point at, like cheating or abuse being involved). All I can advise is total honesty - after 8 years, he deserves that much. No mealy-mouthed weasel words, no "it's not you, it's me" crap, even if you really feel that way.
Then why do you have Mr. Love 'em and Leave 'em as your avatar?
Sir............................................
I, myself, am a devout Roman Catholic and I can assure you, very confidently, that The Church only frowns on Divorce - break-ups of non-married couples are O.K.!
Love at First Sight is alright, but a Second Look can get you off the hook.
He was happily married to the Enterprise!
Right, don't find him dates. Maybe not funny, but...odd. Make the cut cleanly and move on.
No, no...it is funny. Fantastically funny in the ridiculousness of it. I should have expressed that thought better.
Triteness, always a winner.
I just got out of a 7 year relationship myself a year ago. It will be incredibly painful and awful no matter what you say or do. It's hard to say what would make it easier for him without knowing his personality. What helped me is that my partner was willing to answer my many many questions, even though he thought it was a waste of time and his philosophy was often that things were better left unsaid, he let me ask my questions and he answered to the best of his ability. I can't imagine how much worse things would have felt to me if he had just cut off all contact immediately. I have had partners do that to me in the past and it was much more painful for me.
But no matter what you do, it will feel terrible.
But no matter what you do, it will feel terrible.
I was together with my ex-fiancée for 7 years, when I finally broke up with her. That was about 4 months before our wedding. We had the place booked, had contracts for DJ, photographer and florist already. It was very tough time, this was right after September 11th 2001 and I was just downsized from my job. Still it was the right thing to do, she had some serious anger issues. She had no filter, often said very mean things to people without thinking. I was often in the middle, if not my family, her family, some guy/girl at the mall.
We were out to dinner one night and I just brought up the subject of us not working out. We actually had a civil, frank discussion about our relationship and where it was going. We agreed to stay together for a few more months until our lease was up on the house we were renting. We had a mostly civil breakup, even went to the movies or dinner a few time after we each moved into separate apartments. However it always felt like she was pushing to get back together and I had to finally put an end to that. Last I talked to her, many years ago she met a really nice guy and from talking to some mutual friends, they got married.
I have to say, first few years after we broke up I was unsure I did the right thing. There is a familiarity about being in a long term relationship, when you loose it even if your the one doing the breaking up, it hurts really badly. The self doubt, the loneliness is tough when just before you had someone to help you through troubling times. All I can say is time heals all wounds, yes a bit cliche but really true.
I wish you luck, it's not an easy decision. You have to do what is best for yourself.
We were out to dinner one night and I just brought up the subject of us not working out. We actually had a civil, frank discussion about our relationship and where it was going. We agreed to stay together for a few more months until our lease was up on the house we were renting. We had a mostly civil breakup, even went to the movies or dinner a few time after we each moved into separate apartments. However it always felt like she was pushing to get back together and I had to finally put an end to that. Last I talked to her, many years ago she met a really nice guy and from talking to some mutual friends, they got married.
I have to say, first few years after we broke up I was unsure I did the right thing. There is a familiarity about being in a long term relationship, when you loose it even if your the one doing the breaking up, it hurts really badly. The self doubt, the loneliness is tough when just before you had someone to help you through troubling times. All I can say is time heals all wounds, yes a bit cliche but really true.
I wish you luck, it's not an easy decision. You have to do what is best for yourself.
Pack all his shit up.. Put in the driveway, change the locks and send him a text..
Naira:
I was married to the same woman for 13 years and dating her regularly 4 before that. It ended in 2008 - amicably overall financially and legally, but it was still exceptionally painful emotionally. If you're together for that much time, it will not be easy, no matter how you may think it could be. Be prepared for it.
Now, over 5 years later, I have remarried to a wonderful woman, and have an amazing new (well, 16 month-old) daughter, neither of which I could imagine life without now. After the breakup, I could never have envisioned where I am today, several orders of magnitude happier. I can't guarantee the same will happen to you, but the point is, it could if you give it the effort it deserves.
In some ways, I'm grateful to my ex for pushing the issue. I'm not Catholic, but I take vows and obligations seriously, even in a bad situation like my first marriage; divorce was never an option to me initially - it was a vile world and I could never bring myself to even speak it. And, I knew how torturous it was going to be. In the long run, though, it all worked out for the best. If you're not married and/or have kids it is, by default, easier, as you don't have the additional paperwork and legal hassles to worry about.
And please, for the love of all that does not suck, don't text him. If you still have any feelings for or care about him as you mentioned in your first post, you should show what's left of the relationship the honor and respect that it deserves to at least speak on it with him face to face. Texting, emailing or any other form of communication short of being in the same room should not ever be an option unless you genuinely think you are in physical danger.
I was married to the same woman for 13 years and dating her regularly 4 before that. It ended in 2008 - amicably overall financially and legally, but it was still exceptionally painful emotionally. If you're together for that much time, it will not be easy, no matter how you may think it could be. Be prepared for it.
Now, over 5 years later, I have remarried to a wonderful woman, and have an amazing new (well, 16 month-old) daughter, neither of which I could imagine life without now. After the breakup, I could never have envisioned where I am today, several orders of magnitude happier. I can't guarantee the same will happen to you, but the point is, it could if you give it the effort it deserves.
In some ways, I'm grateful to my ex for pushing the issue. I'm not Catholic, but I take vows and obligations seriously, even in a bad situation like my first marriage; divorce was never an option to me initially - it was a vile world and I could never bring myself to even speak it. And, I knew how torturous it was going to be. In the long run, though, it all worked out for the best. If you're not married and/or have kids it is, by default, easier, as you don't have the additional paperwork and legal hassles to worry about.
And please, for the love of all that does not suck, don't text him. If you still have any feelings for or care about him as you mentioned in your first post, you should show what's left of the relationship the honor and respect that it deserves to at least speak on it with him face to face. Texting, emailing or any other form of communication short of being in the same room should not ever be an option unless you genuinely think you are in physical danger.
My last girlfriend broke up with me by phone. Although she did see me one last time, but only because she wanted her Crock Pot back.
