Have You Even Known Someone Who Committed Suicide?

[pookha]

been away from this thread for awhile..
peter glad you opened up to a loved and got to see first hand just how important you were and are to others.
there are people out there willing to be supportive .
but sometimes they need to hear that you need them.


jinx, lookingglassman and others in this thread are right.
however dark and miserable the suicidal person perceives the world to
be is nothing compared to the amount of pain they are bringing on the
people who cared about them if they succeed in killing themselves,.
to the only justifiable reason would be if one was in the end stages of a terminal disease.

You're often not saving anyone, just prolonging their misery. There are a lot of things in this world you just can't fix. By the time the person has become suicidal it's too late.

The only way you'll ever rid this world of suicide is to end the exclusionary, selfish, vain, ugly, uncaring society we live in that happily abandons people because they're not rich or pretty enough. Creating some sort of support mechanism for by far the largest at risk group - young men - would be a start.

i went through my own periods of depression and misery.
but because i knew i would be hurting a lot of people i hung in there.
gradually i relearned how to find joy in even the smallest of moments and how that can help pull one through. eventually things got better.

one thing i realized is that one of the best things one can do is to
try and help make the world a better place.

if you really believe there is a need for a support group like you describe
why not do research to first find out if one already exists and if not
take steps in contacting others about bringing about such a group.

 

[Locutus of Bored]

It was terrible my best friend and i were at the corn factory and then he just jumped into the boiling pot for no reason whatsoeva
it was so terrible ik cried for years with out stopping but now im good with it it happend when i was exactly 6 years 2months 1day 16hours 17 seconds and 48 miliseconds

Thank you for that entirely believable story, aptly named guy. It was both tragic and corny at the same time.

 

[sidious618]

It was terrible my best friend and i were at the corn factory and then he just jumped into the boiling pot for no reason whatsoeva
it was so terrible ik cried for years with out stopping but now im good with it it happend when i was exactly 6 years 2months 1day 16hours 17 seconds and 48 miliseconds

Thank you for that entirely believable story, aptly named guy. It was both tragic and corny at the same time.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who went, "What the fuck?!"

 

[Locutus of Bored]

I don't know what the internet is coming to when you can't trust a story from a guy named captain jerk.

 

[Hermiod]

if you really believe there is a need for a support group like you describe
why not do research to first find out if one already exists and if not
take steps in contacting others about bringing about such a group.

Any group founded by me is likely to result in more suicides, not less.

 

[Bob The Skutter]

if you really believe there is a need for a support group like you describe
why not do research to first find out if one already exists and if not
take steps in contacting others about bringing about such a group.

Any group founded by me is likely to result in more suicides, not less.

And that's how lemming sunday happens.

 

[stargirl]

Hmm.. the first time I saw this thread, when it was first posted, I read through it and though "wow, I'm glad I've never known anyone who committed suicide, I don't know how I'd handle that- would I be angry? Or would I think it was up to that person, if they couldn't face living anymore?" And, as crappy as life likes to sometimes be I've since had the opportunity to find out My fiance's sister killed herself three weeks ago. She lived near us, stayed with us once a week and went to my uni. They were such good friends and I really was looking forward to finally having a sister once we were married, I guess I pretty much already thought of her as a sister. She was only 19 And the horrible thing is, its just so hard to understand. In her note she told us how to access her livejournal so we could read what she's been writing the last few years, and not only was her final message completely distressing (writing about how her original plan had just failed and she was resorting to a really, really painful, horrible method since she panicked and felt she had no other options) but the rest of the recent entries just talked about how awesome things were going. Although yes, she did seem depressed at times, and I wished I'd seen it more.. I was so similar to her at her age maybe I could've gotten through to her >_< And the pain its caused her mother, and her brother (my fiance)... its almost too much to handle >_<
Anyway... So I guess I can now answer the original question 'yes, I have known someone', and I can also answer my questions to myself when I was first reading this- yes, I've been angry, I've been sad, I've been confused (her final note, before the panicked, painful one, she just talked about how totally happy she was at this point in her life, and how excited she was to be able to go out on such a high ), and above it all I've been so worried about her family I can barely focus on how I actually feel. I guess now, even though I always thought I'd leave it up to the person to decide for themselves with no hard feelings, I honestly just wish she'd tried to stick it out... if not for her sake (even though I strongly believe she would have gained perspective in years to come), then for her families. If she was so 'happy', then surely she could have stayed for those around her.

Blah. Sorry for the long post, I haven't had time to vent much yet and I have been thinking about this thread on and off since it happened. Please ignore if you so wish And please, other people who have felt like this (and I'm sure most of us have, or will- I know when I was 19 it certainly crossed my mind more than once), think about how it will devastate those around you, and try to live for the time when things will get better...

 

[Kestra]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I can't imagine how devastating that must be.

 

[Bob The Skutter]

Hmm.. the first time I saw this thread, when it was first posted, I read through it and though "wow, I'm glad I've never known anyone who committed suicide, I don't know how I'd handle that- would I be angry? Or would I think it was up to that person, if they couldn't face living anymore?" And, as crappy as life likes to sometimes be I've since had the opportunity to find out My fiance's sister killed herself three weeks ago. She lived near us, stayed with us once a week and went to my uni. They were such good friends and I really was looking forward to finally having a sister once we were married, I guess I pretty much already thought of her as a sister. She was only 19 And the horrible thing is, its just so hard to understand. In her note she told us how to access her livejournal so we could read what she's been writing the last few years, and not only was her final message completely distressing (writing about how her original plan had just failed and she was resorting to a really, really painful, horrible method since she panicked and felt she had no other options) but the rest of the recent entries just talked about how awesome things were going. Although yes, she did seem depressed at times, and I wished I'd seen it more.. I was so similar to her at her age maybe I could've gotten through to her >_< And the pain its caused her mother, and her brother (my fiance)... its almost too much to handle >_<
Anyway... So I guess I can now answer the original question 'yes, I have known someone', and I can also answer my questions to myself when I was first reading this- yes, I've been angry, I've been sad, I've been confused (her final note, before the panicked, painful one, she just talked about how totally happy she was at this point in her life, and how excited she was to be able to go out on such a high ), and above it all I've been so worried about her family I can barely focus on how I actually feel. I guess now, even though I always thought I'd leave it up to the person to decide for themselves with no hard feelings, I honestly just wish she'd tried to stick it out... if not for her sake (even though I strongly believe she would have gained perspective in years to come), then for her families. If she was so 'happy', then surely she could have stayed for those around her.

Blah. Sorry for the long post, I haven't had time to vent much yet and I have been thinking about this thread on and off since it happened. Please ignore if you so wish And please, other people who have felt like this (and I'm sure most of us have, or will- I know when I was 19 it certainly crossed my mind more than once), think about how it will devastate those around you, and try to live for the time when things will get better...

Sorry to hear that. I guess the only comfort you can take is that whatever pain, emotional or otherwise, she was in over the last few years, at least she's no longer suffering it.

I know, as I feel now, I couldn't do it to my family. The only time I could see doing it is when my condition deteriorates to the point that I can no longer bare it.

 

[RJDiogenes]

My condolences, stargirl, to you and your fiancee and his family. If only your friend had opened up to someone, rather than keeping everything under wraps, things may have turned out differently. Something else for everyone to think about....

 

[Kestra]

If only your friend had opened up to someone, rather than keeping everything under wraps, things may have turned out differently. Something else for everyone to think about....

I think about this a lot. And this thread has made me think about suicide and depression even more.

I try to be someone that people can talk to, because I know sometimes that's all it takes. It took a relative's death to make me realize how small gestures could make a big difference. I know it's made a difference to a few people who have been in my life.

But the thing is, it's not always that simple. We talk about depression as a curable illness, and suicide as something that can be prevented. But even my own experiences with mental illness as a (reasonably?) intelligent person leave me feeling totally helpless sometimes. Sometimes not keeping things under wraps just makes everyone around you feel helpless too. I'm of course not saying that people should keep these kinds of things to themselves, but I understand it.

 

[Bob The Skutter]

If only your friend had opened up to someone, rather than keeping everything under wraps, things may have turned out differently. Something else for everyone to think about....

I think about this a lot. And this thread has made me think about suicide and depression even more.

I try to be someone that people can talk to, because I know sometimes that's all it takes. It took a relative's death to make me realize how small gestures could make a big difference. I know it's made a difference to a few people who have been in my life.

But the thing is, it's not always that simple. We talk about depression as a curable illness, and suicide as something that can be prevented. But even my own experiences with mental illness as a (reasonably?) intelligent person leave me feeling totally helpless sometimes. Sometimes not keeping things under wraps just makes everyone around you feel helpless too. I'm of course not saying that people should keep these kinds of things to themselves, but I understand it.

I know what you mean. I know someone who tries to let their frustrations out, but doesn't/can't/won't take any advice on how to correct it, so you're left frustrated, emotionally rundown or depressed yourself because you can't help. Then they feel bad for making you feel bad. And around the viscous cycle goes.

 

[Kestra]

I know what you mean. I know someone who tries to let their frustrations out, but doesn't/can't/won't take any advice on how to correct it, so you're left frustrated, emotionally rundown or depressed yourself because you can't help. Then they feel bad for making you feel bad. And around the viscous cycle goes.

That's a situation I've been dealing with for years now, and I just recently had to cut the person out of my life.

I know even with myself though, I'm not an easy person to know all the time. I have really awful periods I go through, and sometimes no one can help me. Not even the loving, caring people I'm surrounded by ... many of whom are medical professionals! And sometimes I just worry about wearing people down. Everyone has their limits.

Okay sorry, that was all awfully honest for an internet forum.

 

[RJDiogenes]

You're quite right. Mental and emotional problems can be a Catch-22. But awareness is certainly a step in the right direction....

 

[Bob The Skutter]

I know what you mean. I know someone who tries to let their frustrations out, but doesn't/can't/won't take any advice on how to correct it, so you're left frustrated, emotionally rundown or depressed yourself because you can't help. Then they feel bad for making you feel bad. And around the viscous cycle goes.

That's a situation I've been dealing with for years now, and I just recently had to cut the person out of my life.

I know even with myself though, I'm not an easy person to know all the time. I have really awful periods I go through, and sometimes no one can help me. Not even the loving, caring people I'm surrounded by ... many of whom are medical professionals! And sometimes I just worry about wearing people down. Everyone has their limits.

Okay sorry, that was all awfully honest for an internet forum.

I think depression is something we should stop thinking of as a mental illness, because that makes people think it's odd, which makes them feel like they shouldn't admit to it, which just adds to the reasons to feel depressed and sorry for yourself. When in reality, at periods throughout life every one (or a majority of people at least) suffers some form of depression.

 

[RJDiogenes]

There's a stigma against mental illness in general that is a major roadblock to people getting help. Society has to be educated that mental illness is no different than diabetes or heart disease; something that is no fault of the patient, but must be treated.

 

[archeryguy1701]

I think depression is something we should stop thinking of as a mental illness, because that makes people think it's odd, which makes them feel like they shouldn't admit to it, which just adds to the reasons to feel depressed and sorry for yourself. When in reality, at periods throughout life every one (or a majority of people at least) suffers some form of depression.

Unfortunately, I don't think that there is any other way to think of it other than a mental illness. The most basic human (or even animal) instinct is to survive. If you've reached a point where you are more than capable of surviving, but don't want to any more, then chances are something isn't ticking quite right in my opinion.

 

[PKTrekGirl]

A friend of mine in college committed suicide, and it was pretty awful. I remember thinking about it for a long time, wondering if there was something I could have/should have done to help him. And it didn't help that we were from the same hometown (several hundred miles away from our college town) and had gone to junior high school together as well. I felt guilty about his suicide for a very long time. Still do, whenever I think about it, even though it was a long time ago.

A couple of months ago, my brother's father-in-law committed suicide. His wife attempted it at the same time (the plan was to 'go out' together) but his wife (my brother's mother-in-law) lived. They both took shots of his insulin on a Saturday night and planned to die in their sleep (insulin coma) I guess. Only he succeeded. My brother & sister-in-law found them on Sunday morning in time to save my sister-in-law's mother.

The whole thing was just horrible. Horrible. My brother was pretty traumatized by the whole thing, and he now has his mother-in-law living with him and is supporting her. His brother-in-law (age 42 and never able to hold a job) who used to live with/sponge off his parents wants to move in too and have my brother support him as well, but fortunately, my brother has no more space in his house.

I feel really sorry for my brother. His wife's family is wacky as hell. Completely irresponsible with money, which was at the root of the suicide/suicide attempt. Financial problems brought on by gross irresponsibility.

I just hope that my brother is able to keep a close hold on his purse-strings, or this family will take him down with them.

 

[Vanyel]

I wasn't too sure that I'd want to post in this thread; but here it goes.

Yes, I do know a person who committed suicide. He was a 3rd cousin of mine, just a little bit older than me. 5 years older. He was funny, gentle and kind. I never knew he was gay until I met him at a bar, and saw him dancing with another guy. They looked good together. But it didn't last, but that wasn't the reason for his suicide.

He became infected with HIV. At the time there was little doctors could do. If he had held on, the new medications were right around the corner, he might have had a chance. But he couldn't wait. One night he slammed his car into a tree. There were no skid marks, he hadn't been drinking or using drugs; there was nothing to indicate that he had been distracted or incapacitated; a witness said that it looked like he aimed for the tree and sped up.

I miss his smile, his sense of humor. I miss the way he looked out for me when he saw me out at a bar. I lost a friend and family member because he couldn't live with the stigma or fear of having HIV. He's why I volunteer with HIV/AIDS patients. I teach them about the disease, tell them what my father told me: people fear the unknown, and that once you learn about the disease, it becomes a little less scary. I hope that I can help just one person realize that they can live long productive lives. If I do that, maybe I'll save someone from driving their car into a tree.

 

[The Boy Who Cried Worf]

Hmm.. the first time I saw this thread, when it was first posted, I read through it and though "wow, I'm glad I've never known anyone who committed suicide, I don't know how I'd handle that- would I be angry? Or would I think it was up to that person, if they couldn't face living anymore?" And, as crappy as life likes to sometimes be I've since had the opportunity to find out My fiance's sister killed herself three weeks ago. She lived near us, stayed with us once a week and went to my uni. They were such good friends and I really was looking forward to finally having a sister once we were married, I guess I pretty much already thought of her as a sister. She was only 19 And the horrible thing is, its just so hard to understand. In her note she told us how to access her livejournal so we could read what she's been writing the last few years, and not only was her final message completely distressing (writing about how her original plan had just failed and she was resorting to a really, really painful, horrible method since she panicked and felt she had no other options) but the rest of the recent entries just talked about how awesome things were going. Although yes, she did seem depressed at times, and I wished I'd seen it more.. I was so similar to her at her age maybe I could've gotten through to her >_< And the pain its caused her mother, and her brother (my fiance)... its almost too much to handle >_<
Anyway... So I guess I can now answer the original question 'yes, I have known someone', and I can also answer my questions to myself when I was first reading this- yes, I've been angry, I've been sad, I've been confused (her final note, before the panicked, painful one, she just talked about how totally happy she was at this point in her life, and how excited she was to be able to go out on such a high ), and above it all I've been so worried about her family I can barely focus on how I actually feel. I guess now, even though I always thought I'd leave it up to the person to decide for themselves with no hard feelings, I honestly just wish she'd tried to stick it out... if not for her sake (even though I strongly believe she would have gained perspective in years to come), then for her families. If she was so 'happy', then surely she could have stayed for those around her.

Blah. Sorry for the long post, I haven't had time to vent much yet and I have been thinking about this thread on and off since it happened. Please ignore if you so wish And please, other people who have felt like this (and I'm sure most of us have, or will- I know when I was 19 it certainly crossed my mind more than once), think about how it will devastate those around you, and try to live for the time when things will get better...

Thank you for being brave enough to share your story with us and I am deeply sorry for your loss. All of the tales like yours are really giving me and hopefully others on the board who have struggled with suicidal feelings some real food for thought.