Facts About Captain Robau

[6079SmithW]

Robau is the most badass being in existence. Nothing is like him and he is the only one of his kind. Did Robau have a beginning? How can anything create Robau when there is nothing more epicly badass then him? Is he infinite, or did Robau somehow create himself? No one knows but Robau and we, his humble followers, must have faith in his total badass.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

In the beginning was the Robau. And the Robau was with badass. And the Robau *was* badass.

 

[6079SmithW]

Perhaps the whole universe is actually just one level of Robau's mind and he manifests himself in his own mind so that we may know and worship him.

 

[Cyke101]

Can Captain Robau create a puzzle so complex that even he himself cannot solve it???

Robau will create a puzzle so complex that he alone cannot solve, so he'll cause a tear in the fabric of space, invite Mirror Robau over for some beers, and they both scare the puzzle into solving itself.

That's right, Robau with an Evil Goatee.

 

[6079SmithW]

The Big Bang happened when Robau and Mirror Robau simultaneously punched each other in the face.

 

[cooleddie74]

Robau is so badass, he created HIMSELF.

 

[Aragorn]

No one makes fun of Robau when he wears a puffy shirt. And pretzels don't make him thirsty.

 

[stonester1]

Is Robau capable of making an ass so bad, he can't kick it?

No. There is no ass he can't kick.

 

[6079SmithW]

Geneticists recently discovered a coded DNA sequence that only occurs in the gluteus maximus. When deciphered it reads, "Owner: Captain Robau." Captain Robau OWNS all y'all asses, bitchez.

 

[Yeoman Randi]

No one makes fun of Robau when he wears a puffy shirt. And pretzels don't make him thirsty.

And Robau pays for his own big salads.

 

[cooleddie74]

Robau reacted to a huge Kenny Rogers Chicken sign by blowing it up...then taking over the chain...and beating the snot out of Kenny.

 

[stonester1]

Oh, and he then went and beat the stuffing out of the big plastic head Burger King, then leaped up to the Kelvin and had them nuke the BK's location.

While getting a BJ from the Progressive chick.

 

[cooleddie74]

Robau finds that last fact about him EPIC...and gives it his seal of approval.

 

[Wynterhawk]

Robau once took a shot at Santa Claus. Cooked the entire reindeer line and stole the bag of toys.

 

[Cyke101]

Robau funds our economy. Recessions and depressions happen when he punishes countries by cutting down their monthly allowances.

 

[barnaclelapse]

When Johnny Cash sang "Sooner later God'll cut you down", he was talking about Robau.

 

[Eleanor_zhDarjel]

Robau doesn't wear underpants. They vaporize when they come close to his manly, badass, badass manparts.

 

[cooleddie74]

Robau can feel St. Elmo's Fire burning inside him. In part because he ate the entire cast from that movie alive. Uncooked.

 

[Cyke101]

Firefly wasn't canceled, Robau judged it too good for humanity and keeps the cast and crew locked in his basement, where they continually make more and more episodes for Robau and Robau alone.

 

[F. King Daniel]

Once, after some drinks, Captain Robau entered a pissing contest. His piss tore a hole in the space/time continuum and he won the competition in multiple realities.