Facts About Captain Robau

[KirkusOveractus]

Captain Robau owns every Beatles album ever made on implanted cranial chip.

Hell, Robau WAS The Beatles! In fact, he is so badass he was able to be Stu Sutcliffe, just so he could die and be the other four!

Then he threw himself out of the group and brought himself back in as a new drummer, just to show everyone it was no thing but a chicken wing to him.

 

[stonester1]

But Robau was NOT the Monkees.

Let's make that clear. Not cool enough.

 

[KirkusOveractus]

But Robau was NOT the Monkees.

Let's make that clear. Not cool enough.

Robau allowed the Monkees, to show that he could not be topped.

 

[Plecostomus]

Captain Robau ordered a case of Squeeze Bacon from ThinkGeek only to find out it was a holiday prank.

The explosion leveled not only the ThinkGeek building but 28 square miles around it.

 

[stonester1]

Captain Robau wrote the Book of Love.

 

[Plecostomus]

Captain Robau wrote the Book of Love.

Yes this was posted just a few pages ago.

Captain Robau DEMANDS original content.

 

[stonester1]

The gospel of Captain Robau bears repeating, heathen.

 

[stonester1]

The Mad Arab didn't write the Necronomicon based on the Great Old Ones reigning destruction, though the mistake is easy to make. The rage of Captain Robau is a terrible thing to behold and easily qualifies as transcendant, apocalyptic anger that destroys worlds.

Especially if you are hopped to the gills on hashish.

 

[Plecostomus]

We're sorry, Brian forgot to take his meds this morning...

The gospel of Captain Robau bears repeating, heathen.

Motherfucker, I AM CAPTAIN ROBAU and I COMMAND YOU to deliver ORIGINAL CONTENT or I will travel back in time and seduce yo mamma then travel forward again and KICK YOUR ASS so hard you will beg for the sweet release of cold unfeeling DEATH, you get me BITCH?!

 

[stonester1]

If you were really Captain Robau, you wouldn't need such a rant. A glare through cyberspace would be more than sufficient.

 

[Plecostomus]

Mmmm... paxil.... mmmmmarrrggggllllhhhh

If you were really Captain Robau, you wouldn't need such a rant. A glare through cyberspace would be more than sufficient.

^ =

Happy now... bitch?

 

[stonester1]

That you are an imposter who would incurr the wrath of Robau, if you weren't beneath his notice or provide faint amusement?

You need to get down on the floor and thank Captain Robau for his mercy.

That shudder that passed through your home just now? That was him briefly looking in your direction and saying..."Nah".

 

[Plecostomus]

Where the hell did she hide my wellbutrin?! damn her...

That you are an imposter who would incurr the wrath of Robau, if you weren't beneath his notice or provide faint amusement?

You need to get down on the floor and thank Captain Robau for his mercy.

That shudder that passed through your home just now? That was him briefly looking in your direction and saying..."Nah".

You are mess'n with forces beyond your comprehension, boy. Look in your rearview because that be the USS KILLFUCK SOULSPLITTER decloak'n... and I got an entire torpedo-load of FUCK YOU BITCH ready to launch.

 

[stonester1]

Robau protects me.

But your ship name is cool, though.

I'm sure Captain Robau chuckled, too. A warm breeze picked up.

 

[Plecostomus]

Stupid woman hid my anti-psychotics as well?! WHY!!!?!?!

Robau protects me.

No. I do not. I LOATHE you.

But your ship name is cool, though.

The registry is NCC-divide by zero... bitch.

I'm sure Captain Robau chuckled, too. A warm breeze picked up.

That's because I had Mexican for dinner. Not Mexican food mind you... Illegals... served raw and screaming with hot butter dipping sauce.

You think this is a game, don't you?

 

[stonester1]

You better be just playing a game, with your faux Robaux.

For the awesome wrath of Robau will not be kind.

 

[Plecostomus]

You better be just playing a game, with your faux Robaux.

For the awesome wrath of Robau will not be kind.

I have a special punishment in mind for you. I will summon my room-mate from University... the +12 Angry Jesus Hulk from 3 Nephi in the Book Of Mormon.

He's gonna rip your sorry-ass head off and cram bibles down your throat until you REPENT, bitch.

 

[stonester1]

Captain Robau needs no one to kick ass for him. In fact, he has already spanned the timestream preemptively kicking all the ass he can, ie, every ass.

So, that ass kicking all of you got at some point in your life? It wasn't who you thought it was. Unless you thought it was Captain Robau.

He works in mysterious ways.

 

[Plecostomus]

...and here come the voices. Damn it where did I put my shotgun?

Captain Robau needs no one to kick ass for him. In fact, he has already spanned the timestream preemptively kicking all the ass he can, ie, every ass.

So, that ass kicking all of you got at some point in your life? It wasn't who you thought it was. Unless you thought it was Captain Robau.

He works in mysterious ways.

What is your sudden obsession with ass? You ain't one of them are you? 'cause Captain Robau don't allow none of that on his ship.

 

[cooleddie74]

Captain Robau is the reason you can't order breakfast items after 11 a.m. He ate all the sausage in the galaxy.