DS9 Caption Contest #61: Worf, Captioning with Honor

[LeadHead]

Happy Friday night to everyone! A little early on the start, but given how late I've been in recent times, I hope this is a step in the right direction!

First up to the plate, we have the "Can't get a straight answer..." Award, going to:

Female Changeling: The rock becomes the drop, and the drop becomes the rock.
Odo: ENOUGH OF YOUR RIDDLES!!! Where's Kira?
Female Changeling: Let's just say I had her liquidated...

Next, we have the "Extreme Role-Playing" Award, going to:

Odo: Come on... please?
Female Changeling: Sod off, I'm not turning into Kira!

Next, we have the "That better be the worlds biggest birthday card..." Award, going to:

Weyoun: I'll be passing around the card we got for everyone to sign. Now, did everyone chip in for Garak's birthday present?

Next, we have the "Evil schemes" Award, going to:

Bashir: So next, I tried putting Odo in a blender, but that didn't work, so ...
Female Changeling: *thinking* Oh, you are so getting kidnapped, put in a Dominion prison, and replaced with a changeling the first time I get a chance to make it happen, you stupid solid!

Next, we have the "Fashion Advice" Award, going to:

Broca: "All...I said...was...that...it may be time...to change out...of that...dress".

Founder: "Never!"

Broca: "You've been...wearing it...through every picture...it's starting to...fall...apart".

Our Photoshop award, and our....

... are one and the same this week!

FEMALE CHANGLING: Stop! I'm not made of ballistics gel!!!

Congratulations to our winners and many thanks to everyone who participated!

And now, to more official business... the DS9 Character Caption Contests have been going on for quite awhile and while there are still a couple more characters we could give a moment in the sun to, I think we've covered the bases pretty well, so this is the Final Contest of the DS9 Character Caption Contests.

The next contest will be back to normal.

I'm considering doing something special for the ending, but for the moment, lets end on a high note with my favorite character in all of Trek, Worf!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Worf: But, Captain-

Sisko: No buts Mister Worf! From here on out, you are not allowed to throw Ferengi out airlocks without my expressed permission!

Garak: How about I play some country music?

Worf: I shall defeat you, Green Energy being! Where did you go?

Dax: (thinking) Crap, I wish I still got to command the Defiant...

Martok: Are you gentlemen enjoying yourselves?

Sisko: Not yet. Another 10 rounds, please.

 

[Ln X]

Thanks for the win LeadHead!

Sisko: I don't want to hear it Mr Worf! Either you take insults like a man or you leave this station!
Worf: But sir! The Enterprise-D crew were merciless in saying I had a micro-sized dick!
Odo: Not much of a man after all...
Worf: Grrrrr!!!

Garak: Tell me Mr Worf, and this is a purely hypothetical scenario, what would happen if you caught me cheating on Dax?
Worf: It depends, is Dax doing this of her accord or not?
Garak: Erm... No.
Worf: Well in that case, for violating my Par'Mach'kai I would have to disembowel you, tear off your limps, eat your still beating heart in front of your dying eyes, cut off your genitalia and feed it to my pet tagh, chop off your head and finally throw your body out of the nearest airlock.

(a serious pause)

Worf: Why do you ask?
Garak: Oh I wasn't asking I was teasing you!
Worf: You were?

Worf: Nobody touches my pet tagh!

Dax: You're putting on weight dear!
Worf: Must you ridicule me and point out my faculties in front of all these people?
Dax: Yes!!!

Martok: What's the matter admiral, can't drink the semen of our butchered foes?
Ross and Sisko: <spit out the liquid in their mouths>

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Thanks for the win LeadHead!

Garak: Tell me Mr Worf, and this is a purely hypothetical scenario, what would happen if you caught me cheating on Dax?
Worf: It depends, is Dax doing this of her accord or not?
Garak: Erm... No.
Worf: Well in that case, for violating my Par'Mach'kai I would have to disembowel you, tear off your limps, eat your still beating heart in front of your dying eyes, cut off your genitalia and feed it to my pet tagh, chop off your head and finally throw your body out of the nearest airlock.

(a serious pause)

Worf: Why do you ask?
Garak: Oh I wasn't asking I was teasing you!
Worf: You were?

another pause...

Garak: "And if Dax did consent..."

Worf: "Then it would be the same thing, but then I would replicate some lilies and throw them out of the airlock after your body."

pause

Worf: "Still teasing?"

Garak: "Quite."

Worf: "I was chief of security on the Enterprise."
Sisko: "We have the Constable here."
Worf: "Before that I worked the ops station."
Sisko: "Got that filled."
Worf: "I have experience in command."
Sisko: "See the pips on my shoulder?"
Odo: "We have an opening in Waste Extraction."
Sisko: "On the night shift."
Odo: "Under Rom."
Worf: "Crap!"
Odo: "and urine, and several other alien bodily fluids. You'll get the hang of it."

Garak: "Recently, I was quite surprised to learn that the Federation had produced a literary work that rivals the best Cardassian writers. Since we have the time, allow me to recite... Ode to Spot."

Worf: "Bourbon and gagh, an atomic combination."

Dax: "Have you memorised the Bajoran oath of allegiance, Worf."
Worf: "Yes."
Dax: "This is a joint run station, this is important."
Worf: "I have it memorised. Ee plebnista..."
O'Brien: "I can't wait to see the look on the Major's face."

Worf: "You're doing it wrong."
Martok: "Warnog must not be sipped, it must be quaffed."
Worf: "We'll accept 'chug-a-lug' at a pinch."

 

[DS9 Gal AZ]

Thanks for the win!

Sisko: I'm sorry Mr. Worf, but we already have one rigid, hard-ass, anti-social misfit on the station, okay?
Worf: Yes, but does he growl and act like an animal?
Sisko: Well, I suppose he could turn into one ... but I thought you stopped doing that after Season 2 of TNG?

Worf: Zzzzzzz ....
Garak: Humph! Dr. Bashir would never fall asleep during one of my stories. He hangs on my every word.
Worf: *mutter sleepily* Well yeah, but that's just because he wants to -
Garak: Don't you say it! That is not cannon, Mister! Not cannon!

As punishment for wearing his TNG uniform on DS9, Sisko decided to have Worf destroyed by the Great Green Ooze.
*Sisko's maniacial laughter is heard from offscreen.*

Bashir: My god, the smell ....!
O'Brien: I think ... I think I'm dying ...
Jadzia: You Klingons never do anything small, do you?
Worf: I have dishonored myself ...

Sadly for his friends, Worf drunk turned out to be as much "fun" as Worf sober.

 

[R. Star]

Thanks for the win!

Sisko: Mr Worf, Constable Odo is in charge of security around here.
Worf: But that Klingon and Ferengi are breaking the law!
Odo: Mr Worf, -I- am the law around here!

Garak: But we have so much in common! I'm a disgraced Cardssian, you're a disgraced Klingon..
Worf: Cardassian males are too fragile. Stick with Doctor Bashir.

Dax: (off screen) No! Don't shoot Worf! It'll ignite your flatulent discharge!

Dax: Is that a phaser in your pants, you're covering up with that padd or are you just happy to see me?

Sisko: This is good.
Ross: What is it?
Martok: Vodka brewed from Klingon excrement. It's Worf's special blend.
Worf: (thinking) And they say I don't have a sense of humor...

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win!

Sisko: Is that a hickey from Dax, Mr. Worf?
Worf: We do not discuss it with outsiders.

Garak: You've made your point, Mr. Worf. I now agree you could fly this thing with your eyes closed.
Now, for extra points, can you do it with one hand tied behind your back?

Worf: I like this station! You know, It's exciting!

O'Brien: You know, I've been here for years, and I still can't get over being in a turbolift that's so open on one side.
Worf: This is nothing. Klingon turbolifts have no floor.

Martog: Oooh, Bloodwine is certainly better going down than coming back up...sorry about the carpet Captain.

 

[R. Star]

O'Brien: You know, I've been here for years, and I still can't get over being in a turbolift that's so open on one side.
Worf: This is nothing. Klingon turbolifts have no floor.

Bashir: A long chute with a ladder?
Worf: How did you know?
O'Brien: Klingon engineering has a long way to come.

 

[Rush Limborg]

Question for LeadHead: will the contest's results be in their own thread?

Worf: I am Worf...Son of Mogh. I am here to boost your ratings.

Garak: If I may, Commander...when you said to Sisko that you promised to leave me intact--

Worf: Not...another...word.

Worf's exposure to Kryptonite gave validation to the old adage--"Whatever doesn't kill you makes you more POWERFUL!"

Bashir: So is there any particular reason why we have to press against the wall why Worf gets the center of the lift?

Jadzia: Dramatic impact. When you have a big speech to make in Ops, talk to me.

Martok: Frankly, Admiral...I would not give a rusted dktagh for a political office. I am not a politician--and would kill anyone who would dare nominate me....

 

[Nerys Myk]

The stations DJ battles were epic.

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: But,I thought what happens on the Promenade stayed on the Promenade?

SISKO: No.

ODO: Especially, bloodwine fueled streaking.

ROBINSON: Hey, are those your lines taped to the viewscreen?

DORN: I also have them taped to the floor.

It was the last time Worf had the plomeek soup.

WORF: The lift is stalled! We're all trapped!!!!!

DAX: Uh....

MARTOK: We who are about to die, salute you!

WORF: Wait...what????!!!

 

[LeadHead]

Worf: Weren't you going to put doors on these things?

O'Brien: Whoops.

 

[Isis]

When the answers were inadvertently shown, Worf knew he could easily have cheated on his 'Dancing With the Stars' qualifying exam, but as a Klingon of honor, he refused to even consider the possibility.

Announcer (OS): "Where will you be when your girdle fails?"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Garak: "Argh! Look in the rearview mirror!"
Worf (sighs): "That's not a rearview mirror. I'm running a video of 'Godzilla Vs. Mothra.'"
Garak: "Oh, thank God!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF: Pssst, what's the answer to question 12?

 

[bullethead]

Sisko: Mr. Worf, shut off that Borg light before I punch you.

Worf: Captain, I regret to inform you that the Defiant replicator firmware update has turned raktijino into Twizzlers.

Worf cursed Jadzia for putting Picard's recording of him singing Gilbert and Sullivan as the starting track of his opera play list.

Worf: Thirty reports to fill out today and all of ones you could cover... I hate you guys.

Martok: A toast to TNG Remastered! May it slay other Blu-Rays and lead to our show getting remastered!

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Thanks for the win.

Sisko: "Gentlemen, the situation is dire. Despite our best efforts to promote the sombre agenda, joy continues to be a driving force on Deep Space Nine. We must double our efforts. Odo, crack down on the Ferengi Episodes, see if you can't make them uncomfortable enough that they just won't work anymore. Mr. Worf, your mission to drain Dax of all enthusiasm through the marriage must step up a phase. As for myself, my annual Torture O'Brien Scheme is, as of now, an annual Torture O'Brien and Bashir and Possibly Kira Scheme".

That most pernacious and alarming of Cardassian neuroses; the feeling that you aren't being watched.

"No! Not again! We're not having a Scottish Plasma Ghost seducing a main character on this show! (muttering): I knew that Shakaar fellow looked familiar..."

Worf: "On Qo'noS, the man who first proposed the safety rail is reviled as one of the Five Dishonoured Cowards of the modern era. I will not obey the Bajoran Health and Safety Act".

Martok: "And then the human shays to the other human..."we're humans! We don't have a spine! Ha ha ha ha ha ha *hic*

Worf (thinking): Please don't be offended...please don't be offended....please don't be offended....

 

[Isis]

Sisko (to self): "This new guy is gonna be trouble. I shave my head and he comes onto the station with a braid."

 

[Ln X]

Sisko: Mr Worf I only have one rule for you on this station; make sure your Klingon-ness stays at the airlock, that way there should be no problems.

Worf: Would you stop pelvically thrusting at that console?
Garak: Sorry... Being in exile can mean you're short on woman and... pleasure.

 

[Jackson_Roykirk]

Garak:
Mr. Worf, I know you are making that Herman Munster face at me. I suggest you cease that behavior at once.