DS9 Caption Contest #29: Ezri. Ezri? Ezri!

[LeadHead]

Good evening Ladies and Gents! I hope you've enjoyed our little diversion to Babylon 5, but it's time to come home to DS9.

First up, the "Creative Issues" Award goes to:

Ivanova: "So the Captain made all of this?"
Sheridan: "Yeah. My father once owned a restaurant back in New Orleans."
Ira Behr: "Son of a...!" (Crumples script.)

Next, the "Cans are oddly shaped in the B5 Universe" Award goes to:

Garibaldi: You know what this is? This is a can of whoop-ass, and I'm about to give it to you.

Next, the "Well you have to know these things when you're Second in Command of Babylon 5, you know" Award goes to:

What...is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Next, the "Don't mess with Delenn" Award goes to:

Sheridan: "I can't tell you how sorry I am, G'Kar. It just slipped out!"
G'Kar: "Don't give it a second thought. We're used to it; we get called 'lizard-face' all the time! We don't take any more offense at it than Delenn would at being called a 'bonehead.'"
Delenn: "Hey!!"

Next, the "Some things can't transfer between the verse's" Award goes to:

The Babylon 5 Mirror Universe episode was not well received.

Next, the "There's no Hiding Place Down Here" Award goes to:

Vir: What's that noise? It sounds like Earth church music!
Londo: I guess that's the sound of the Narn are killing another Centauri Lord...

And the "Look Alike" Award goes to:

Sheridan: Has anyone ever told you you look like that brat Will Robinson from "Lost in Space"?

Lennier: Has anyone ever told you you look like that douche Lee Stetson from "Scarecrow and Mrs. King"?

Sheridan: "Nice Halloween costume, Marcus. What are you supposed to be, the bad guy from The Princess Bride?"

Congratulations to our winners and thanks to all those who participated!

Now, back through the jumpgate, exit the wormhole and you're back at DS9 and our tribute to DS9's most popular and most seen Counselor.

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Rom: So how do I let Leeta know I really care?

Ezri: You could start by waiting until she's left the room to ask that question.

Worf: I hope you don't mind, but I put on Facebook that we're in an open relationship.

Ezri really didn't want to hear the ins and outs of Odo's regeneration cycle at dinner.

Sisko: Old man-

Ezri: I'm dressed in a skimpy nightgown, would you not call me a man please?

O'Brien: (thinking) What the hell is she doing here? Why do we need a counselor in Ops?

 

[Nerys Myk]

DAX: It really creeps me out when you call me "Wesley".

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win, LeadHead!

Rom: "You know, I just can't help wondering--"
Dax: "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know! 'How far down do those spots go'! Like I've never heard that one before!"

Worf: "For the last time, no, we cannot have a pet sehlat! And you can knock off the doe-eyes! I'm immune!"

Sadly, when serving together on the same station for years on end, there inevitably comes a point where nobody has anything else to talk about.

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Dax: "For the last time Rom NO Threesomes!"

Leeta: "You're such a pig Rom"

 

[Nerys Myk]

ROM: Thats as big as they'll get?

DAX: Yes.

LEETA: I've spoiled you, haven't I?

 

[Distorted Humor]

Thanks for the win!

Rom, No I am not going to rub your ears, and your wife is right over there....

Jazida married...HIM?

Kira: And there are two girls and one cup in this Halosuite program that Quark bought...

Sisko: Isn't that the outfit that lady gave Curzon as a memento on Archer IV?

Ezri: Yes, it fits me well, don't you think?

Obrian: (murmuring to himself) On your toes, O'Brien.

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Thanks for the win! I've never really watched B5, so I kinda stumbled into that one

Rom: "Don't lie to me! I saw you with her! I saw you with Leeta!"

Ezri: "That wasn't me. It was an alternate universe."

Rom: "How do you know?! That was a Ferengi episode!"

Leeta facepalms

Ezri: "I'm really worried about you, Worf. The excuses you keep coming up for to visit the Enterprise are getting more and more unbelievable."

Worf: "But I was on my way to the Manzar Colony, and I had to pee, and I saw a phone number on the wall, and that made me think of my social security number, which has my favorite number in it, which is 47, which made me think of Geordi who would always mention 47 when he was shouting at the captain about how he couldn't do something when he really could, so I figured that it would be okay for me to leave my post to pay a visit while the Dominion attacked the station."

Recent epidemic of Scale Itch virus on station. All present were suspects. Infection spread by sexual contact with Cardassian Voles. Implications unsettling.

Akward moment # 386: running into your boss on Chatroulette when you're wearing nothing but your undies.

O'Brien: "My old captain liked wearing assless chaps too."

 

[TheLobes]

'They're after me lucky charms!'

 

[AdmiralGarak]

Ezri: "Rom, do you mind?"
Leeta: "It's not what you think. He's simply distracted by your shiny combadge."
Ezri: "Oh. I'm not sure if I should be relieved or insulted."

Sisko: "Sorry to wake you before you could get dressed, Old Man."
Ezri: "It's all right, Ben."
Sisko: "Though to be fair you look better in a nightie than Curzon did."
{Awkward silence}

For six years O'Brien's secret sleeping spot had gone undetected by the much too tall Sisko and Dax. Ezri's arrival would change everything...

 

[Nerys Myk]

O'BRIEN: Leprechauns do exist!!!!!

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Leprechaun: "Now's our chance. They think they're so superior with their taller heights - all heads up in the clouds. Kill them, Ezri. Kill them all."

 

[Rush Limborg]

Now, back through the jumpgate, exit the wormhole and you're back at DS9 and our tribute to DS9's most popular and most seen Counselor.

Ah! At last something right up my alley....

Here goes!

Rom: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII--always had smaller lobes than everyone else! Everyone teased me about it--Quark was the worst. In fact, he once told everyone that I was adopted!

Leeta: Aw, jeepers. Not this story again....

Rom: Leeta, show me sympathy! S-sorry counselor, it'sssssssssssss--kind of hard for Leeta to understand, because she was always so very popular, due to her great beauty and fun personality--

Ezri: Yeah, yeah, I get it, Rom. Get back to the story.

Rom: Right. Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh...where was I?

Ezri and Leeta: Quark.

Rom: Duh--right. Well...on my naming day, he replaced old veggetables for my presents--and then he sold the presents for more than my father had paid for them!

Ezri: Seriously, Rom...if Quark really mistreated you worse than everyone else, what in I'Nora's name possesed you to go to him for a job?

Rom: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee--was my brother.

Ezri: You expect me to believe that that justifies total masochism on your part?

Rom: I'm not a masochist!

Ezri: Of course not.

Leeta: I told you, he made all that up, for sympathy--

Rom: THAT'S NOT TRUE! I just think it's better to be exploited by family!

Ezri and Leeta: *frustrated sigh* Oh, Rom....

Ezri: Worf, remind me again why I accepted your challenge to a drinking bout with that brown muck....

Worf: Prune juice is...a warrior's drink.

Ezri: It's also one of the most disgusting drinks I've ever tasted.

Worf: It is a test of stamina to consume in great quantities so strong and thick a drink.

Ezri: Great quantities is right--do you realize how many times I had to rush to the bathroom last night?

Worf: I see...perhaps I must apologize. It is best to also consume solid food in great bulk, to prevent--

Ezri: And you know I fully intend to stay this size, Mister. I do not as a rule "consume in great bulk". And you, sir, didn't tell me of the aftereffects of prune juice!

Worf: I see....

Ezri: Well...?

Worf: My bad.

One of the unfortunate consequences of recently forming a romantic relationship is that you end up suffering hour-long "advice sessions" from couples with more "experience".

Ezri found it irritating, considering all of Dax's memories of relationship experience.

Julian, however, found it most thought-provoking...though he couldn't help but wonder at the same time whether the fact that his girlfriend was a counselor basically made all these "sessions" a bit redundant....

Ezri: You're sure this can't wait? For goodness sake, Ben--I feel like Jane Fonda's character in that wierd space flick--

Sisko: As I recall, she was naked in that scene.

Ezri: Yeah, but that's not the point--

Sisko: Out of curiosity, are you typical of Trill women?

Ezri: Wha--I'm about average, but--HEY!

Sisko: I was joking, Ol' Man--

Ezri: That's it! Computer: set to audio only!

Ezri: (coyly, without looking) I'm very flattered, but...why don't you just come all the way up, and ask me...?

O'Brien: Ask you..?

Ezri: The answer's "Yes," by the way....

O'Brien: Yes? To what?

Ezri: (sweetly) Yes, I'm available, of course--

O'Brien: Whoa, wait! It's not that at all, it's just--the lift's stuck.

Ezri: (dreamily) You could just climb out....

O'Brien: --and I'm wondering why the bloody heck you're just standing there, not noticing the situation, and talking like--

Ezri: (blinking) Wha--oh! Sorry, Chief...I thought you were Julian....

 

[Admiral Shran]

Thanks for the win!

Rom: My son is a crazy man!

Ezri (thinking): Well, he does have you for a father, a heartless bitch for a mother, a Dabo Girl for a step-mother, a failure for a grandfather, an overbearing, narcissistic grandmother and an alcohol-pushing, whore mongering gambler for an uncle. Can you blame him for being a little off his rocker?

Ezri: Some people are saying that Jadzia was much better than me.

Worf: I will kill them, but I promise to return their bodies for your inspection.

Bashir: Odo, unless that smell is natural to Changlings, maybe we ought to visit the Infirmary.

Ezri: The UFP sign isn't fooling me Benjamin. We both know you're in your office and just wanted to sneak a peek at me in my nightie.

Odo, Bashir, Worf and O'Brien (offscreen): Haha, busted!

O'Brien (thinking): For years I've suffered no competitors for Julian's affections. This means war!

 

[Rush Limborg]

Poor Leeta. Is that what Ezri thinks of her? (reference to pre-edit, where Leeta's described as a "bimbo")

Although...it's amusing to see our beloved princess have a bit of Dr. House in her!

 

[Admiral Shran]

I suppose I could change that, as I do like Leeta.

Done.

 

[T'Girl]

Dax: "For the last time Rom NO Threesomes!"

Rom: "See, I told you she wouldn't go for it."

Leeta: **sigh** "Well it was worth a shot.

 

[Smellincoffee]

O'Brian: "The New, Improved Dax"?
Ezri: I have spunk!

Sisko ...
Dax: Did you call for a reason, Benjamin?
Sisko: I'm sure.
Dax: ...but?
Sisko: ..it seems to have escaped my mind. Look, old man, would you mind putting on a uniform top?

In her first few months as a joined Trill, Ezri frequently forced conversations into awkward silences before realizing other people really didn't hear her conversate with her previous hosts out loud.

Worf: Adjust course --
Ezri: No, Worf! We have to sit and talk about this.
Worf: I did not leave the Enterprise just to enter another relationship with a - a TALKER!

 

[Smellincoffee]

By the way, is it my imagination or does Visitor look pregnant sitting down like that?

 

[JarodRussell]

Ezri: Is it my imagination or does Kira look pregnant sitting down like that?
Bashir: Hmm...
Odo (thinking): If I find the bastard who did that...