DS9 Caption Contest #22: Dirty Work

[LeadHead]

Good evening Captioners! Two weeks are up and it's time for a new contest!

Before we get to the winners, something came up during the last contest, since some of us will check into these contest while at work, it's a good idea to keep things Work Appropriate. I do not in any way want to dampen creativity from anyone, but it's a good thing to keep in mind when you're working on your material. This isn't a rule as much as it's a suggestion.

And enough of me rambling, Winners time!


First, "The Sisko is popular" Award goes to:

Computer: ''You have 253 friend requests.''
Sisko: ROTFLMAO xD

Next, the "Dangerous Effect of Media" Award goes to:

Kira: "We need a medic on the double. Your boss just got his first look at $#*! My Dad Says."

Next, the "Cool Under Fire" Award goes to:

DAX: Just a little turbulence folks. Nothing to worry about.

BASHIR: You do realize we can see everything you can.

Next, the "Odo is not so courageous" Award goes to:

Kira: "There he is! And he's got a gun!"
Odo: "I'm not particularly worried about that."
Kira: "Why the hell not?!"
Odo: "Well, because I'm standing behind you, you silly goose!"

Next, The "Thank heavens something funny has finally come of Let He Who IS Without Sin..." Award goes to:

Worf had finally come to terms with his anti-Risa sentiments. Now he only messed with the weather controls because it was hilarious.

The Photoshop award was very tough for me to call this time around, both of these two were creative and hilarious, so they both win!

And...

Congrats to our winners!

 

[LeadHead]

Kira: And You don't want to live there, there or there.

Bajoran: Why not?

Kira: They're not for sale. Duh.

Dax: No wonder the Chief is always complaining about repairing replicators, they're made of Jello!

Worf: Report!

Dax: No Injuries or Casualties.

Yellowshirt: Uh.... Hello!

Worf: Quiet, we're trying to make it 50 days without an on the job injury.

Rom: Brother, couldn't you have just ordered Nog a gift for his birthday? I hate having to steal them every year!

Quark: Where's the fun in that?

Bashir: They're all dead.

O'Brien: Okay, so now we know that the Stun Setting on these rifles doesn't work...

 

[Rush Limborg]

Coming soon to a theater near you:

Monty Python: Lewis and Clark go to Bajor (and Sacagawea is single!)

Jadzia found out the hard way that her successor wouldn't be the ONLY host to react unfortunately to memories of Torias....

Bashir: Confound it, Worf! We have 14 people unconcious, and 25 injured. There are plasma fires on deck 5, and shorted circutry throughout the ship. It's a miracle we have life support. Now, was it really necessary to take a "little detour" through Breen space--JUST to satisfy your thirst for "adventure"?

Worf: Yes.

Rom: Brother...

Quark: Yeah?

Rom: Something troubles me....

Quark: What?

Rom: The Ark. It is here, in our possession...but it is a thing Man--or Ferengi--is not ment to disturb. Death has always surrounded it...it is not of this world....

Bashir: So this is the lair...where Future Guy spoke?

O'Brien: Apparently. Now, if we can figure out these controls...it should open up a portal into his realm--and we can take him down, for messing with our history.

Bashir: Why...do I get the feeling that all these people had the same idea? They obviously tried to work this, and--

O'Brien: Oh, stop being such a downer. Those other people didn't have us. Now...help me out here, will you?

 

[ToMaHaKeR]

Rom: ''Brother, why do you need this cloaking device?''
Quark: ''I'm opening the most sophisticated peep show in the quadrant! Don't tell anyone... Especially Odo!''
Cloaking device: ''Hehehe...''

Bashir: ''Is this how they see a good starship systems benchmark, dozens of injured people throughout the ship?!''
Worf: ''It's great... We have to get the full version!''

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Kira: "All hail the hypnotoad!"

Sisko: "Have you figured out what's wrong with it yet?"
Dax: "Looks like Jake has been using it to surf the space internet for porn."

Worf: "Put that man on report for lying down on the job."

Bashir: "He's dead, Worf."

Worf: "Dock his pay as well, then."

Quark: "For the last time, will you stop singing, 'He ain't heavy, he's my brother'?"

Rom: "Sorry, brother."

Bashir: "If you hand me my sonic screwdriver, I'll try and get the time rotor working."

O'Brien: pointed look

Bashir: "What? Typecasting?"

O'Brien: "You think?"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Thanks for the win!

Kira: "The men's room is over there. And I suggest you go one at a time. There are already enough rumors about you two circulating around the station as it is!"

Dax: "Goddamn Cardassian computers! There's got to be a USB port somewhere!"

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Kira: "As you can see, officer, the vandals not only left discarded bottles of ale in the decorative fountain, but also scrawled offensive slogans on the farmhouse wall. Oh, and according to the translator, that bit there reads "Julian and Miles woz 'ere". Make of that what you will".

Security cameras had yet to catch the latinum thief in the act. Once they did, they'd be in for a shock. But as Sisko later said, "how else is the Federation to pay for this place - we don't have any money!!"

Woman in green: "Now, this is the original colour scheme compared with the new material. I think you'll agree the new looks absolutely fetching when set against the carpet, particularly in this lighting".

Man in yellow: "Fabulous, darling. I'll get to replicating it. Say, what's with all the shaking?"

Worf: "Do not complain, doctor. The Jem'Hadar are merely our adversary; the current decor is the enemy.

Bashir: "My god, it's difficult to believe they could be so depraved. I knew the T'Lani were a barbaric race, but this?"

O'Brien: "Steamed asparagus. Steamed. When everyone knows you eat it grilled".

Bashir: "Deactivate this monstrosity, Miles".

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Bashir: Confound it, Worf! We have 14 people unconcious, and 25 injured. There are plasma fires on deck 5, and shorted circutry throughout the ship. It's a miracle we have life support. Now, was it really necessary to take a "little detour" through Breen space--JUST to satisfy your thirst for "adventure"?

Worf: Yes.

That's great, Rush.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Jadzia: Reading aloud, "'Prolonged exposure to power currents has been known to cause, nausea, diarrhea, sudden premature death, and spots on the skin in weird patterns...'. PFT -- nonsense; non of the Trill on TNG had spots..."

Julian: "Worf -- aren't you going to help him?"

Worf: "Today is a good day to die."

Julian: "But you didn't die!"

Worf: "I didn't say it was my day..."

 

[JarodRussell]

Bashir: So, what do you think, Mr. Worf?
Worf: Good battle. Nice bridge.

 

[The Mole]

Kira: That tree threre! Got to be! Ok Odo, I found you. Now it's my turn to hide and you to count.

Dax: Quark, what is this stuff?
Quark: Morn refuses to say, but he does look very relaxed and pleased with himself lately.

Worf: This is so not fair! Everyone else has the honour of dying in battle but me!!
Bashir: Continue to play that stuff you call music on full blast every night, and I'm sure your time will come too!!

Starfleet Officers Court Marshalled after CCTV footage is leaked of a robbery at a local chip-shop that went wrong.

 

[AdmiralGarak]

Kira: "Dammit, the T-Rex is out of its enclosure again."

Drink watering technology had grown overly complicated by the 24th Century.

Bashir: "Oh, walk it off you faker."
Ensign: "But my legs are vaporized below the knees!"
Bashir: "Then crawl it off, you big baby!"

Quark: "Hurry up and get this bin of dead Tribbles to the incinerator."
Rom: "This is the most horrible thing ever!"
Quark: "Would you rather be on squishing duty with Worf? No? Then get a move on!"

 

[Kirby]

Kira: Look over there, a Bajoran without a brush cut. Get him to a barber immediately!

 

[Rat Boy]

Kira: "You know what we do to streakers at spring ball tournaments. KILL HIM!"

Dax: "This isn't a Sony. It's a cheap knock-off!"

Quark: "So much for the Super Bowl party."

Bashir: "Shouldn't I help that crewman?"

Worf: "And block my view of the screen? Hell no."

Quark: "What the hell did they call this?"

Rom: "A MaGuffin."

Bashir: "Chief, I can understand why you shot them dead, but why are we cooking them?"

O'Brien: "A man's got to eat."

 

[Smellincoffee]

Worf: I believe we jumped the curb.
Bashir: Nice work on the conn, WORF.

Dax: ...ooh.
Quark: 'Ooh'? What 'ooh'? I know that 'ooh'. That's a bad 'ooh'.
Dax: This is just a box filled with glued-together spare parts and glowing lights. Not a single thing in here is functional.
Quark: ROM!

Bashir: Good lord, Miles.
O'Brien, resetting blaster: What?
Bashir: You realize you just stormed in here and single handedly disabled -- five, six, -- seven hostiles?
O'Brien: Yeah?
Bashir: ...well, that's just ridiculous. You're an engineer, not a commando.
O'Brien: I get a little rowdy when I've had too much synthehol.
Bashir: Clearly.

 

[Captain Crow]

Worf: Can't a man take a shit in peace?

 

[Roboturner913]

Worf: "Let off some steam, Ensign!!"

 

[Mistral]

Kira: "...then you turn left at the Circle K, take a right at Harbor Road and the freeway should be about 4 miles down thataway."

 

[NX-01]

Kira - And that is where I lost my virginity to the one of the Cardy boys from my provence.
Bajoran - Erm, what?
Kira - Oh...erm...bajoran boy...a nice bajoran boy from my provence....yes thats what I meant.

Dax - This is the last time I offer to fix Quark's replicators to pay off a Tongo debt.

Worf - Did you not hear me say 'Brace for impact?'
Ensign - Yes, sir. I am sorry but my console blew up in my face.
Worf - It looks fine to me.
Bashir - Ah now Commander, lets not forget all Star Fleet Ships are built with consoles that can blew up but show no signs of any damage and STILL work....

Rom - The Klingon's won't be happy...
Quark - Probably not.
Rom -(Thinking) 'They'll kill him......then I'd get the bar......' (Speaking) "Whats Martok's Skype name?"
Quark - FuzzyTarg01....Why?
Rom - Doesn't matter.

O'Brian - Oops my bad, set to kill.
Bashir - Thats the third time this week....they might start to notice.
O'Brian - Nah just say she tried to kill me, that,ll cover it.

 

[Rush Limborg]

Bashir: Confound it, Worf! We have 14 people unconcious, and 25 injured. There are plasma fires on deck 5, and shorted circutry throughout the ship. It's a miracle we have life support. Now, was it really necessary to take a "little detour" through Breen space--JUST to satisfy your thirst for "adventure"?

Worf: Yes.

That's great, Rush.

(Takes a bow)

(Here's for the win....)