DS9 Caption Contest 123: Look For the Union Label

[Smellincoffee]

Welcome back, folks, to another happy week or two of captioning, First, last week's winners!

BASHIR: You're 12 weeks overdue because it's foam latex.

Sisko: Boy am I glad O'Brien and I switched chairs before that conduit burst. How are you back there Chief? Chief?
!

BASHIR: SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND! (Pulls out surgical tool).

O'Brien: Don't take this the wrong way but I think we should strongly consider killing your hairdresser.

Doc: So yeah, been workin' on my land speeder. She'll make point five past mach speed.
Dax: "Point five" what? What does that even mean?
Doc: Made the Kessel run in fifty thousand kilometers.
Dax: You know that's a unit of distance and not speed, right? And - that sounds kind of far, actually.
Doc: I use it to bullseye womp rats in my T-16 back home. They're not much bigger than two meters.
Dax: And do you even know what a "Kessel Run" is? It's German, for one thing. Also, it's not a place, but a tactic depending on a specific set of military emplacements. It would be more appropriate to say "It made a Kessel Run", or you could specify which Kessel Run it actually made - you know, in an interstellar civilization rife with military histories of thousands of alien worlds, each with their own complex histories.
Doc: She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid. I've made a lot of special modifications myself. Hollowed out her power converters. Yeah, I picked 'em up at Tosche Station.
Dax: Hold on, you're getting ahead of me. About that womp rat thing....You know zoosadism is an early sign of psychopathology, right?

http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

Dax: "We were on a break!!!"

And now, this week's set!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Quark: "It's so simple -- all I have to do is devine what I know of you. Are you the sort of man who would put the poin into his own goblet or his enemies'? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet because he would know only a great fool would reach for what he was given; I am not a great fool so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!"

Odo: "Ah, Quark, you just served the poison drinks to Bashier and Dax. These are their drinks."

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!

After watching Ted Stryker in Airplane! Rom developed his own drinking problem.

Quark: Rule of Acquisition #261: Don't believe any of your actions affect anyone else, even when presented with evidence.

Rom: That's not a rule of acquisition!

Quark: Wait, maybe that was something I read about Investment Bankers on Earth in the 21st Century...

Quark: May I take your order, Sir?

Odo: You. In jail. Now.

Rom: You don't really care about me.

Quark: Of course I do, Nog, Lek, Ron, Dangit!

Brunt: Brunt, FCA. For some reason everyone is scared of us even though Ferengi Commerce seems to be built on a model of unregulated markets leading to the massive exploitation of everyone except the 1%.

Leeta: Don't threaten me, Quark. Rom told me all about your ear implants.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

QUARK: Who told you this would cure your pneumonia?
ROM: The guy at the counter at Whole Foods. I KNEW I couldn't trust the doctors!

LEETA: How dare you offer us benefits, Quark! What is this, socialism?
QUARK: Man, I should have subliminally played 21st century Fox News broadcasts while my employees slept years ago.

QUARK: See these glasses? They're filled with all the fucks I give!

ROM: You know, all the computers on the station are wirelessly in communication with each other. There's no need for all of our transactions to be kept on individual pads like this. And these pads seem pretty badly designed, what being so bulky and blocky with only a tiny screen.
QUARK: Rom, you idiot.
ROM: Just saying, we seem to be wasting a lot of space when all we need is one of the big flat pads is all.

BRUNT: I think you'll find Ferengi labor laws to be very fair. Laissez-faire!
CROWD: (Silence)
BRUNT: Tough crowd.

QUARK: Is it me, or are profits actually higher, not lower, when employees aren't completely exhausted and poor?
LEETA: Your employees even drink here in their off hours.
QUARK: This can't be right. Let me check my economics textbooks.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Quark: My own brother, playing Mattel Electronic Football. It's so ... eighties!

Quark: As promised, new seating accommodations for changelings. Just ooze into one of these glasses and you can enjoy the dining experience.

Odo: How do I know you won't pour me down the drain?

Quark: Would you rather take a spin at the Dabo wheel?

 

[Triskelion]

T4TW Smellincoffee!

Quark: Oh I give up. Are you one of these glasses?
Odo: I'm standing right here.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Quark: All matters concerning sexual harassment and discrimination will be dealt with by the Free Hand of the Market.

Brunt: No one expects the Industrial Revolution!

 

[Nerys Myk]

BRUNT: Allow me to introduce the new artists in residence for Quarks, Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley!

 

[Nerys Myk]

You're fired.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Brunt: Your complain department has been outsourced. Mssrs. Bloodmouth and Deathface will take over any customer service problem.
Rom: Why do we need Nausicans to do the job of perfectly able Ferengi or Bajorans?
Brent: They also handle Human Resources, specifically...termination.

Quark: FINE! I'll reinstate Casual Friday.

 

[Leviathan]

Quark: Look, I said I'd pay you as soon as one of you explains whether Latinum is liquid or solid and why we can't just replicate a ton of it.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Leeta: Quark, why don't you just admit it? We all know it was YOU who stole the cookie from the cookie jar.

 

[Triskelion]

Leeta: My father had comically oversized ears.
Quark: Dabo!

 

[Crazy Eddie]

Quark: All matters concerning sexual harassment and discrimination will be dealt with by the Free Hand of the Market.

Leeta: * eyebrow raise *
Quark: It's... right behind me, isn't it?

 

[Smellincoffee]

Odo: What is this?
Quark: House special, a Politican's Promise.
Odo: But Quark, these glasses are empty.

Brunt: My associates, Bebop and Rocksteady.

 

[Catarina]

Quark: "It's so simple -- all I have to do is devine what I know of you. Are you the sort of man who would put the poin into his own goblet or his enemies'? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet because he would know only a great fool would reach for what he was given;

Damnit, you beat me to it! I'm glad I read these first

 

[Triskelion]

Brunt: My band is looking for a name. Any suggestions?
Random Bajoran: Night Ranger!
Random Ferengi: Quiet Riot!
Random Pakled: Steel Breeze!
Random Bajoran: Twisted Sister!
Random Ferengi: Styx!
Random Pakled: C.W. McCall!
Random Bajoran: Aldo Nova!
Random Ferengi: Loverboy!
Random Pakled: Pet Shop Boys!
Random Bajoran: Whitesnake!
Random Ferengi: The Firm!
Random Pakled: Men Without Hats!
Random Ferengi: Krokus!
Random Bajoran: REO Speedwagon!
Random Pakled: Martin Briley!
Brunt: Ok, I think we've heard enough.
...
...
...
Random Pakled: Van Hagar!
Brunt: Seriously, are there Pakleds here?

 

[Nerys Myk]

QUARK: Due to the economic down turn I'm instituting a round of paycuts and layoffs. Please form a line and count off by two.

LEETA: Is the layoff one or two?

QUARK: Depends on which group you're in.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Chase Masterson, playing Leeta: ... This far, nor further.
Armin Shimerman, as himself: Stop filming! Only I get to paraphrase the great lines of Star Trek. Get Ira down here right now!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Leeta: Quark, do you know the real difference between you and me? ... I make this look GOOD.