DS9 Caption Contest 122: What Kind of Doctor Are You Again?

[Smellincoffee]

Annnnd we're early! A day early. Make the most of it, and let's start with last week's winners:

NOG: The uniform, Jake. Chicks dig the uniform.
JAKE: So where are these chicks?
NOGS: Turns out they don't dig being called "chicks".

Aron Eisenberg: Hey, Ira, look who I caught sneaking onto the set!?
Ira Steven Behr: Cirroc, we told you: you get the last, tearful godbye to your dad as we pull away from the station. Other than that, we don't need you. So go home, collect your check, and catch up on the X-Files.
Cirroc Lofton: Come on, Ira, my name is in the opening credits.
Rick Berman: Don't make me sic the Vidians on Jake's ass.
Behr: That's Voyager.
Berman: OK, the Pakleds.
Behr: That's ... ok, we'll go with that. (Aside) Does Rick even watch what he produces?

Weyoun: Yes, we're a boy band called the Soulless Minions of Orthodoxy. Why, have you heard of us?
First: I am the cute one!
Second: I AM THE CUTE ONE! YOU ARE THE HEARTTHROB!

Sisko: (over comm) Sisko to O'Brien. How's the flight test going?
O'Brien: Fantastic, so far you owe me a bottle of 30 year old Scotch to pass him.

JAKE: That's a picture of the TOWN SQUARE on Ferenginar?
NOG: All the women are naked. Allll of them.

SHAGGY: I-I don't think those are masks, Scoob!
SCOOBY: Rut-Ro!

And now, this week's set!

 

[Gepard]

BASHIR: You're 12 weeks overdue because it's foam latex.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Emissary farts were the stuff of legend.

 

[Nerys Myk]

SISKO So I said, "Come at me you shapeless cloud of dikironium and I'll give you a beat down that will make Jim Kirk's look like a love tap!"

...it's right behind me isn't it?

 

[Triskelion]

TFTW Smellincoffee!

Doc: So yeah, been workin' on my land speeder. She'll make point five past mach speed.
Dax: "Point five" what? What does that even mean?
Doc: Made the Kessel run in fifty thousand kilometers.
Dax: You know that's a unit of distance and not speed, right? And - that sounds kind of far, actually.
Doc: I use it to bullseye womp rats in my T-16 back home. They're not much bigger than two meters.
Dax: And do you even know what a "Kessel Run" is? It's German, for one thing. Also, it's not a place, but a tactic depending on a specific set of military emplacements. It would be more appropriate to say "It made a Kessel Run", or you could specify which Kessel Run it actually made - you know, in an interstellar civilization rife with military histories of thousands of alien worlds, each with their own complex histories.
Doc: She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid. I've made a lot of special modifications myself. Hollowed out her power converters. Yeah, I picked 'em up at Tosche Station.
Dax: Hold on, you're getting ahead of me. About that womp rat thing....You know zoosadism is an early sign of psychopathology, right?


http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Nerys Myk]

DAX: I thought you said this place was a vacation paradise that would put Risa to shame.

BASHIR: Maybe its the off season?

DAX: I told you to use Priceline!

 

[hux]

Bashir: Either you're pregnant or your stomach is haunted.

Bashir: Arms folded is more sassy.

Dax: No, arms on hips is more sassy.

Bashir: Weyyyyy-eeeeeelllll......you know you make me wanna shout. Kick your heels up and shout, come on now.

Sisko: Ohhh yeah, that feels so much better.

O'Brien: Don't take this the wrong way but I think we should strongly consider killing your hairdresser.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Cpt. Smiley: Look at the DS9 database to see who my mirror universe equivalent took as a mate.
Crewman: It appears that two women gave birth to your children.
Cpt. Smiley: Good job, Miles, you had a way with the women. Let's see who they are.
Crewman: The first is a woman named Keiko. I'll pull up her picture.
Cpt. Smiley: Chinese?
Crewman: It says here she's Japanese, though she looks like a Korean refugee I once met.
Cpt. Smiley: Beautiful. She looks like a kind and patient woman. Let's see the other.
Crewman: A woman named Kira Nerys.
Cpt. Smiley: OMG! That's the intendant! She'll eat me alive!
Crewman: She's powerful and beautiful.
Cpt. Smiley: And crazy. Let's find this Keiko. I don't see how she could be a worse choice.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Bashir: She's dying, so I see know reason to fall in love with her.
Dax: What about treating her?
Bashir: If I can't fall in love with her, why would I treat her?

Bashir: Exploding stomach due to ... a lethal combination of Ketracel White and Pop Rocks?

 

[JirinPanthosa]

WOMAN: Well? Is the baby healthy?
BASHIR: Excuse me?
WOMAN: You've been listening to my abdomen for 15 minutes.
BASHIR: Yes. It makes a great pillow!

DAX: You know what's weird? I like you now. I didn't like you three years ago and I have a feeling I really won't like you three years from now.
BASHIR: There are three Bashirs. Just enjoy the good one while it lasts.

BASHIR: SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND! (Pulls out surgical tool)

SISKO: Odo is showing off that he just learned he can be fog. Not going to acknowledge it. Yep. Not going to acknowledge it.

O'BRIEN: Remember. They're going to be looking for syndicate members, so they will be firing at anything dirty. So we're going to take showers and put on nice shirts. We'll be able to walk right by their security.

 

[Triskelion]

O'Brien: And then, on the Enterprise, Captain Picard would be all like "Evasive maneuvers, eh!" and the Klingons would be like "Fire Disrupto-Beams!" and the ship would shake like this and my chair would shake and there weren't any seatbelts on that ship either so you can't really complain about a little ship like this one not having any seatbelts -"
Crewman: Dude, stop shaking my chair. Also, I don't believe Captain Picard was French Canadian.
O'Brien: How would you know?
Crewman: Well, for starters, did you ever hear him say "Make it soo, eh?"

http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[tharpdevenport]

"PIVOT!!!"

Dax: "We were on a break!!!"

 

[Hutchy01]

Dax: "We were on a break!!!"

Ladies and gentlemen the winner!

 

[Leviathan]

Sisko: A cloud-vampire crossover? Can't we do the one with tribbles?

 

[neptune13]

Man, that Raktajino really gives me stomach problems. Sorry everyone!

 

[Triskelion]

Sisko: What? Just one old man walking in when another old man is showering.

Garak! That is not how you measure an inseam!


...


Now put the tricorder down and use a tape like a regular gay tailor!http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[tharpdevenport]

(If somebody can do that better than I can, you're welcome to it)

 

[Finn]

Colm Meaney visits the Trekverse

 

[Smellincoffee]

26 hour warning!

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!

Bashir: Your baby is doing quite well. And he's planning on kicking you in the bladder any second. Let's get you to the bathroo- Too late.

Bashir: These poor people. What a horrible fate.

Dax: Hello? Could we notice my change in hairstyle please?

Bashir: Stay away from that Blue Police Box! I'm not THAT Doctor!

Sisko: Boy am I glad O'Brien and I switched chairs before that conduit burst. How are you back there Chief? Chief?

Smiley: I don't know how to use these controls either. Just keep pressing "Fire" and hopefully it'll work!