DS9 Caption Contest 115: Gowron and All His Rowdy Friends

[Smellincoffee]

Welcome back to another caption contest! Last week things went awry, featuring foes as wide-ranging as eighties fashion and seventies mustaches. Combining a little of both this week...KLINGONS!

But first, the winners.

Nurse (o/s): Doctor you really need to not hit on your patient.
Bashir: How was I suppose to know she owned 300 warships and would be spitefully about seeing me with a Dabo girl?

Odo: "You know, this would be a lot more convenient for me if you got your own Amazon Prime account."

Garak: "I'm just saying that shoulder pad are so thirty years ago, I could take them out and maybe dart the sides, giving a more tapered look, and might I also say providing you with a more flattering bust line ..."
Tain: "You were undercover as a tailor a little too long Garak."

Keiko <on com>: Miles, are you crawling through jeffries tubes playing Die Hard again?
Miles: No dear. See you at dinner. O'Brien out.
...
Come out to the coast, we'll get together, have a few laughs....

Bashir: We could do a facial hair transplant, Commander, but this won't give you the "I'm going to kick your ass and take your woman" look you want. This is more "I'm a Burt Reynolds wannabe with an STD."

Gold star for UssGlenn, who recognized Dr. Horrible's line from Dr. Horrible's Singalong Blog[/b]!

Quark: It's a message for you from from Bad Horse.
Odo: Oh no, not the Thoroughbred of Sin.

And finally.....

Bashir: I'm picking up mathematical signal patterns of increasing complexity.... I don't know how to tell you this, but your mustache is becoming sentient.
Man: These things sometimes turn out good, right?
Bashir: Oh, no. They never do.

And now, Klingons off the larboard bow!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Grilka: {snif}...Is somebody frying baloney?

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Thank you for the win, Smelllincoffee!

Worf: Sorry, Captain. I have had much blood wine, and the ridges the doctor gave you are so ... feminine.
O'Brien: I should ... uh ...
Worf: Don't worry, Chief, you look like you have been mauled by a wild targ.

 

[Triskelion]

TFTW Smellincoffee!

TV: YOUR SINGING SOUNDS LIKE THE DYING BLOODY GURGLES OF A IMPALED TARG! I VOTE DISEMBOWELMENT BY MEK'LETH!
Odo: I always did prefer Idol in the original Klingon.

Gowron: Not so fast, Son of Mogh. Have you seen my Disney Princesses pencil box?
Worf: I have not.
Gowron: YOU LIE! PREPARE TO DEFEND YOURSELF IN BATTLE!
Worf: I AM INTO HELLO KITTY! DISNEY PRINCESSES ARE NOT MY DOMAIN! DO YOU SEE MY BAT'LETH?
Gowron: I was not aware Hello Kitty made a bat'leth. Very well. It is a good day to die; but it is never a good day to lose your pencil box.

Klingon: THAT WILL TEACH YOU TO BLOCK THE ESCALATORS WHEN YOU HEAR THE TRANSPORT EMBARKING! SOME OF US HAVE JOBS TO GO TO!

Worf: For a guy who made a big scene about people getting between you and the bloodwine, you are really nursing that drink.
Sisko: Well I would have shouted "Don't stand between me and the banana daiquiris" if you people had any sense of event planning.

Grilka: Ferengi...greed; Vulcans...logic; Cardassians...militarism; Klingons.... Why yes, the Ferengi was right - I do sometimes feel like the personification of a single human trait. But what does he want from me, these skulls won't smash themselves.

 

[Rat Boy]

People came from all over the station to see Quark's portrait of Gowron, complete with the eyes that seem to follow you around.

O'Reilly: "Do I get double the pay if I'm in two caption contests in the same week?"

Dorn: "Yes, but two times zero is still zero."

Klingon: "Oh very funny; let's all take a nap and let me handle the humans. Jerks."

Worf: "If I were you, I'd stay away from the buffet."

QQuark: "Your deodorant smells lovely."

 

[Nerys Myk]

GOWRON: Your hair conditioner, I must have it!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Sisko: When we signed up to go undercover as Klingons, I had no idea the bloodwine would taste so awful.

Worf: Agreed. This urine recyc is without honor!

Sisko: Wait, what?

 

[JirinPanthosa]

ODO: Were did you get that tiny TV screen?
QUARK: 1970s Earth garage sale.

GOWRON: What? Worf, after everything I saw you do in the past, I am TOTALLY SHOCKED that you are not willing to completely abandon the Federation because I currently don't like them!

QUARK: And the winner of the Klingon dance-off, dancing for 37 straight hours...

AVERY BROOKS: Wow. You mean you have to wear this makeup every single day?!
MICHAEL DORN: Yup.
AVERY BROOKS: Give this man a raise!

ROM: I'll have what he's having.

 

[Nerys Myk]

WORF:...and she got killed and I was stuck with a kid I never knew about. So there I am trying to raise a kid who probably hates me.

SISKO: I'm cutting you off. Got no time for drunken sob stories

 

[Hutchy01]

Gowron never mastered the Vulcan nerve pinch!

 

[hux]

Man: Klingon comedies suck

Gowron: Yes Worf, I was the one who came into your quarter last night and massaged your balls

Klingon: Criticise my hairstyle, will ya!

Worf: Did I ever show you that clip. One Klingon, two cups

Grilka: This is how I want them to look
Plastic surgeon (o/s): Shouldn't be a problem

 

[FlyingSaucrDude]

Gowron: I wish I knew how to quit you.

 

[Triskelion]

Gowron: Son of Mogh...you know the Klingon Empire, right?
Worf: Of course I do!
Gowron: So where are they?
Worf: Who?
Gowron: All these planets and aliens we have supposedly conquered. I mean, don't you think we would see them fighting in our armies as conscripts, or at least support staff?
Worf: I...do not worry over such things.
Gowron: So is their lack of appearance an indication that the Klingon Imperial Army is not, in fact, an Equal Opportunity Employer? That we are tacitly a discriminatory organization?
Worf: I don't know, I suppose, but...
Gowron: And for what? We still have to do all our own dirty work. Why is it Klingons are still fighting and dying for themselves - this is supposed to be an empire!
Worf: Perhaps they did not get the memo.
Gowron: If we just let our conscipts fight for us, we could both embrace contemporary liberal employment standards and get out of the line of fire at the same time.
Worf: Come to think of it, it does seem kind of deluded to say we "conquered" a world without actually getting anything out of it. Meanwhile, they get free use of our defense, our military assets, our infrastructure and resource allocations - we should be letting them conquer us!
Gowron: If the Empire asks for me, tell them I'll be conquering Risa personally - as is our way.

 

[Quinton O'Connor]

Gowron: "For onnnnce, Wooorf, do not let Kahless' outdated legislature forbid you from your true feelings..."

Historian's Note: By the mid-2370s, Gowron was well-known for his antics. But people from all over Deep Space Nine -- even Odo couldn't resist -- flocked to catch a glimpse on that day, when the leader of the Klingon Empire managed to get himself stuck inside a wall.

Saul Goodman: "And remember, Grilka: no theatrics. Not a peep about your physical prowess in the relation to the victim's. He realized the latinum was just worthless gold and abruptly collapsed in despair. Also, payment is due in the form of gold bricks."

Last known image of deep cover operatives Benjamin Sisko, Worf, and Miles O'Brien. Stone Klingon golem in background struck fatal blow forty-seven seconds later.

 

[Triskelion]

Gowron: It turns out the Dominion thought they were buying a holiday tour package to Depp Space Nine - the supposed embarkation point to the Kardashian Empire.
Odo: Quaaaaaaark!

Worf: In Klingon culture, when somebody buys you a drink, that you choose to accept, it is customary to acknowledge the person exists in the same spacetime continum as yourself.
Sisko: CREEEEEEEP! <maces him>

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Worf: Captain, you should have stayed on the station and sent Dax along instead. You, Odo and O'Brien are all fine officers, but you know nothing of Klingon ways. Jadzia has the heart of a warrior. She could disembowel us where we stand. Together, Jadzia and I could bring Gowron and his retinue to their knees. It would be ... romantic.
Sisko: Well, Dax didn't want to ruin her face with plastic surgery, but in the future, I don't see the harm in sending you and the "Old Man" together on missions.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

"Welcome to the Klingon Shopping Network. Our first item for sale is a disemboweled Targ, vintage 2351. I shall start the bidding at 50 quatloos. Anyone?"

(47-minute pause)

"...Anyone?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

GOWRON: As it is your first day as citizens of the Klingon Empire, let me offer you my personal welcome. As none of you are actual Klingons, it will also be your last day.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Gowron: Tonight's presentation of "Full Metal Bat'leth" with be presented in the original cinematic widescreen. I hope you have an appropriate TV.

 

[Floyd McKack]

"Okay, listen, y'all. I'ma turn around an' wait fer a whole minute. Arright? A whooooole minute! An' when I turn back around, I wanna see my copy of this month's Playtarg right here onna floor in fronta me? Arright? No questions asked. Yunnerstan'?"