DS9 Caption Contest 103: The Most Dangerous Game

[Smellincoffee]

This week we're still in the first season, featuring "Babel" and "Captive Pursuit". Following up on last's week's case of murder, this week's theme...manhunt!

Before that, though, last week's winners:

BASHIR: Oooooo, that feels great. Keep going.
DAX: It's called Oo-mox. I learned it from Quark.
BASHIR: And I'm out.

JULIAN: He's dead, Ben.
BEN: Well that's a doy. Any idea who killed him?
JULIAN: I'm a Doctor, not a CSI.

QUARK: "What is that? They are... Are..."
ODO: "It's called copulating Quark."

Sisko: Geez…What's happening to O'Brien this time around?
The rest: *shrugs* Just a typical day for him, I guess

SISKO: "Ok, i know it's hard, but how do you people intent to go through all 7 seasons without the comedy episodes? It's not like the life we're leading, all of this, you and me, all were just a dream! We need cheap episodes to fill in the holes!"

Dax: I could discover I have a split personality, or maybe a past life I never knew about.
Sisko: That's the stuff. Keep it coming.
Bashir: Maybe I have special intellectual gifts that will allow me do fast calculations and make witty retorts, just like Spock and Data.
Sisko: Comedy gold!
Odo: I was thinking that I might have come from a planet covered entirely with goo. Maybe it's sticky, maybe it's slippery, we'll need to screentest to see what looks better.
Sisko: Slapstick. I like. Lt. Primmin?
Primmin: I want to fight a war.
Sisko: If it comes to that, I'll shave my head.

SISKO: Odo, Dax, Bashir. You're all dismissed.

PRIMMIN: What about me, sir?

SISKO: Who the hell are you and how'd you get in here??

PRIMMIIN: *sigh*

Annnnnd now, this week's entries!

 

[Nerys Myk]

SISKO: Sisko to Quark. Did you hire Daft Punk to perform at your bar?

 

[LeadHead]

Bashir: Rio Grande to Ops, requesting permission to land.

Kira: Permission denied. This is still the first season, we don't like you yet.

Sisko: You may be experienced, well armed and well shielded hunters, but my unshielded, lightly armed senior staff will... oh crap.

Odo: Glad I'm on this side of your phaser fire this time!

Quark: Looks like Quark is in charge now! What do I do?

Computer: Reactor breach in 2 minutes.

Odo: (over comm) Odo to Ops, we've got a Klingon Strike force invading the promenede!

Bashir: (over comm) Rio Grande to Ops, I'm still waiting to dock!

Quark: Never mind, you can stay in charge Commander.

Tosk: I live the greatest adventure one could ever desire, but I will not stand for there being cream in my coffee.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

O'Brien: Sorry, Tosk. I reprogrammed the replicators to give me a mug of Guinness every time I order "coffee, double sweet." Keiko doesn't suspect a thing.

 

[f14peter]

SISKO (THINKING): "hmmm, must be the costume contest at the station's annual Ultraman Fan Club convention"

TOSK: "I see an image of a face in this cup, and that dude is UUGGHHH-LY!"
O'BRIEN: "That's your own reflection Einstein"
TOSK: "Oh, what a handsome fellow"

SISKO (IN RUNABOUT): "Slow down! Watch out for that pylon! Use your braking thrusters! Both hands on the helm controls! You're too close to that other shuttle! Keep an eye on your gravimetric read-out!"
KIRA (COMM-LINE): "Ops to Runabout ... Emissary, how is Jake's first driving lesson going?"

 

[Hutchy01]

Men: We are the knights who say Ni

O'Brien (thinking) : I wonder how long it will take him to work out that's a sample for Julian?

 

[JirinPanthosa]

SPECIAL EFFECTS SUPERVISOR: Now, in this scene, I think Tosk has magic powers to make the shuttle giant. GIANT!
DIRECTOR: You're not very good with relative size, are you?
SPECIAL EFFECTS SUPERVISOR: What? No! I just think a shuttle as tall as the habitat ring makes sense in the plot!

SISKO: Shephard? What are you doing here?
SHEPHARD: I don't know. I was just following the exclamation point.

ODO: OWW! Commander, that table is my leg!

QUARK: Everyone's unconscious. Time to take a few choice holo-images for my more *ahem* high value clients.

TOSK: This will have no effect on me, O'Brien. Tosk are immune to alcohol.
O'BRIEN: That's a shame. Folks like you and me could really use a drink.

 

[tharpdevenport]

I thought hotlinking wasn't allowed. All these images go back to trekcore.com. I've uploaded it to an image hosting site.

O'Brien: "The core is going critical! I don't think I can stop it!"

Sisko: "Who did this?!"

O'Brien: "Only you, I, my assistant, and Captain Picard have access to the control room."

Sisko: "Son of a bitch! Where is Picard now?!"

O'Brien: "Last I saw him I said the core was going critical and he said he'll be Runabout pad D."

Evil Picard: "So long, black villain!" over the comm.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Tosk: There appears to be a fly in this beverage.
O'Brien: That's Quark's idea of garnish.

Odo: Thank you, captain.
Sisko: You're welcome. And now that I've done your job for you, why don't you go sign paperwork and listen to complaints about things you can't change for ten hours, for me?

Men: Sisko! Do not, under any circumstances, sneeze today. The Future of the Federation hangs in the balance. Be well!
*poof*

Odo: AMBASSADOR TROI, USE THE STEERING PAD!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

O'Brien (thinking): Typical. I give Tosk some orange juice 'concentrate' and he's been staring at it all morning.

 

[Nerys Myk]

TOSK: There is clearly a bottom in this "bottomless cup of coffee".

 

[Triskelion]

Bashir: I can see my quarters from here.
Kira: Ha, that's what Zog the Ferengi always said during docking.
Bashir: Zog the Ferengi? I've never heard of any Zog the Ferengi. Who the hell was that?
Kira: Exactly, Doctor. Exactly.

Sisko: Computer, lights. Security, ready phasers.
Alien Commander: Oh, "blue light helmets are gonna look so rad!" Dammit Larry!

Odo: Let's say that cat represents Ferengi comic relief -
ZAP-SPLODE
Sisko: Next question?

Quark: Nog, bring three dabo girls, a case of Andorian ale, and a camera to Sisko's quarters stat. Oh, and a Sharpie. Hello, early retirement!
Nog: Brrrooottthher, you tried that last year with Photoshop, remember?
Quark: Goodbye, early retirement.

Tosk: Light beer is not Tosk.

 

[Britta]

Kira: What? Starfleet couldn't be bothered with cupholders?

Sisko: Station log. I am continually amazed by Quark's ability to find profit in any situation. He is currently launching a line of products aimed at combatting helmet head.

Odo: Commander, that's Quark you're aiming at!
Sisko: We'll call it friendly fire, you don't pass up an opportunity like this.

Quark: And they said I didn't have the lobes!

Tosk: I can see your future in the tea leaves. My condolences.
O'Brien: Really? What's it going to be next?!

 

[Rahul]

CAPTAIN: "Ladies and Gentlemen, we're approaching our final destination on Deep Space Nine. For your own safety please remain seated and keep your seat belt fastened, if you happened to find any. Please check for your personal belongings if they could threaten the station and use caution when opening the overhead bins. They use to spark. We remind you to please wait until we have landed to use any electronical devices, otherwise serious shuttle crash with transporter malfunction may follow. On behalf of the crew and Starfleet Airlines we'd like to thank you for joining us on this trip and hope you will not be incinerated by any strange lifeforms or alien warriors. We wish you a nice stay!"

HUNTERS: "GO GO POWER RANGERS!"
SISKO: "What... are you doing?"
HUNTER #1: "Nothing."
HUNTER#2: "...hunting a monster?"

JAKE: "MAKE IT STOOOP! Aaaah!"
SISKO: "And I will NOT tolerate it again if you EVER leave any sticky fluids on the floors ANYWHERE on this station again! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"
ODO: "...gulp..."

TOSK: "I am not certain I understand the implications of this situation. Until now I have not encountered any dangers to my health by 'looking too deep into the glass'."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Quark: "Want to hear the most annoiying sound in the world? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Sisko: "Oh, God, he's doing his Jim Carey impression again..."

 

[Inactive-Shapeshifter]

Quark: HA! I WON! THE PROFITS ARE MINE NOW!
Sisko: What profits?
Quark: Don't play innocent! I heard some bajoran talking about it! It's on the wormhole!
Sisko: You mean... Prophets?
Quark: Ho Crap...

 

[Inactive-Shapeshifter]

Odo: Are you going to shoot him? Picard never shoots anybody.
Sisko: I'm not Picard. *shoot*

 

[Inactive-Shapeshifter]

O'brian: What are you looking at?
Tosk: Me! Im Tosk!
O'brian: You don't say...

 

[Leviathan]

Sisko: Intruder alert! There's a cheap 'Predator' knockoff on the promenade! We need cold mud an an expert in copyright law down here NOW!

 

[Inactive-Shapeshifter]

Sisko: Wait! Wait! Wait! Is this another comedy episode we're having?
Aliens: Haa... No, not really.
Sisko: Then why the hell you're wearing those strange red clothes with a blue glow helmet?
Alien: Uh... Low budget i guess.

Sisko: