DS9 Caption Contest 100: He's the Gorram Sisko!

[Smellincoffee]

Hit the button for "Pomp and Circumstance", because Deep Space Nine's caption contest has hit the big 100. Thanks to all of you for participating every week, and especially Leadhead for creating these to begin with. We've been doing a countdown through the major characters, and now we've arrived at the one, the only, the SISKO. In commemoration of hitting the triple digits, below for your captioning pleasure are seven -- count `em, seven -- photos, one from each season. But first, last week's winners!

​

Thanks for the wins!

RIKER: Come on Nerys. I'm one square away from winning 'Species Bingo'.
KIRA: So find a Bajoran dabo girl!

KIRA: "Okay, what's on today's To-Do list ... aggravate Quark ... Advise Sisko on the Prophets ... yell at Dukat ... aggravate Quark ... get mildly frustrated with Odo ... wish Rom would shut up ... aggravate Quark ... find someway to work my exploits as a freedom fighter into a conversation ... punch Damar in his boney nose ... aggravate Quark ... argue with a vedek ... pick up my dry-cleaning ... aggravate Quark ... "
"

I couldn't stay away from this one..

Kira: Garak, let's get out of here. Security forces are on their way!
Garak: My dear Nerys, we have nothing to worry about. They will have a hard time..
(puts on Cardassian sunglasses)
...keeping up with us Cardassians.
YEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

Kira: Rusot, I'm feeling very "Emissary" today. None of that touchy, feely "Duet" stuff is going to happen. Now , get me the closest thing you have to Raktajino. And Prophets help you if there is anything resembling fish juice in it.

ODO: I thought the custom was to smoke a cigarette after sex?
KIRA: Oh, you weren't done?

Annnnnd now:

Kira: What's this?
Sisko: Jake's latest work: "100 Shades of Grey." It's a love story set on Cardassia.

And here are the entries for the 100th Caption Contest, season by season! Fire away!

(Fun fact: I almost used the above for the 'Emissary's Choice' award.)

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Like you've never forgotten to zip up!!!!

Legos.....of the FUTURE!!

SISKO: This goatee is looking good!

JAKE: I dunno, the look needs something more.

SISKO: Next!

SISKO: Yeah, yeah. Strong harvest, healthy kids. Sin no more. Now can you move? I'd like to get some breakfast,

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Thanks for the win!

Sisko: Who's the cat who won't cop out when there's Klingon's all about?
Dax, Kira, O'Brien and Worf: Sisko, right on!

Sisko: Sending in Rom for comedy relief was actually my second choice. I originally intended to poison the atmosphere, making it unbreatheable to Vulcans for fifty years. Fortunately for you, you don't have Michael Eddington's flare for the dramatic.

Avery Brooks, thinking to himself: Berman has questionable taste, but turning this show into a Roots ripoff?

 

[Hutchy01]

Sisko: Just because no-one has ever found a Starfleet bathroom doesn't mean you need to use a window

Baby Dalek: WHERE IS THE DOCTOR? EX-TER-MIN-ATE

Sisko: ...And I just ran out of gum

Sisko: Doctorit's now gone clear

Sisko: ...but the Ferengi in the gorilla suit has to go

 

[tharpdevenport]

Sisko: "Captain's log, supplemental. In a day I will leave my command to a new one for the abandoned Cardassian station. Sadly things have not started out on the right foot as during my first meeting with the Federation flagship captain, Jean Luc-Picard, when he said, 'You know, captain, you and I have a lot in common: we're both bald...', to which I unfortunately replied..."

Off-screen Redshirt Ensign: "OMG! Why did you kill them all!?"

Sisko: "I'm having a bad hair day!"

Redshirt: "Hair?"

Sisko: "LOL, I just found out Vulcans are from Canada."

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Sisko: Comment tous les creoles disent, "laissez les bons temps roulez!"
Picard: Er, what language is that, commander?
Sisko: Poser.

 

[Nebusj]

Up next on CBS: beloved Rankin/Bass holiday special How The Littlest Borg Cube Saved Christmas.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

"You see, son? When a Daddy Borg and a Mommy Borg love each other very much..."

Sisko: You know, Solok, Jennifer and I used to go at it a lot more than once every seven years. I swear, every night we were like an industrial film covered in fur. ... Hey, are you listening to me?

 

[tharpdevenport]

Bad Actor Offscreen: "What's in the fucking box?!!!"

 

[JirinPanthosa]

PICARD: Being a Captain is a stressful job. So stressful it makes your hair fall out.
SISKO: I seriously doubt that. I'm going to have a full head of hair until the day I die.

ODO (Thinking): Come on Kira, your legs must be tired by now. Wouldn't you like a nice solid crate to sit on? Come on, just sit down!

SISKO: Wow, this story is so good Jake-O! You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to stick it to the refrigerator!
JAKE: I was going to submit it for publication.
SISKO: Yep, right on the refrigerator!

SISKO: Worf, we just killed about a dozen huge Klingons in hand to hand combat, and the only injury to any of us was a minor flesh wound to a skinny woman.
WORF: *Sigh* Okay, you figured out our secret. All our strong warriors end up killing each other in minor disagreements about the serving temperature of gakh. The only Klingons who survive are the ones who suck at combat.
SISKO: Cancel red alert.

SISKO: I thought Bajorans would do anything I told them to. But when I tried to introduce baseball to Bajor, nobody listened to me!
BAJORAN: Forgive us, Emissary. We tried to get into baseball. It was just too boring.
OTHER BAJORAN: We assumed that the reason it's no longer played on Earth is that humans figured it out centuries ago.
SISKO: Baseball, boring?!
STANDING BAJORAN: That basketball game we keep hearing about seems pretty cool though.
SISKO: THAT'S IT. Dukat, you can have 'em!

SISKO: A toast. To AbramsTrek.

SISKO: This is a win/win for me. If I win, I get to gloat that I beat you at baseball. If I lose, I get to post pics of you gloating that Vulcans are better than humans because they won at baseball to VulcanFail.com. Huh, I'm better at logic than you too, how 'bout that?

 

[Captain Kathryn]

Picard: One of the many perks of being Captain is being able to take an impromptu wiz in your ready room.

O'Brien: There's been a transporter malfunction, sir. Unfortunately, Gul Dukat has re-materialized as an orange crate.

Sisko: This goatee is kickass!
Jake: Whatever, you'll be bald by next season.

Sisko: What anger problem?

Sisko: For the last time... I AM NOT THE GODDAMN EMISSARY!

Sisko: You may all rest easy now, Kai Winn is dead. Cheers!

Sisko: Vulcans suck at baseball, na na na na naaa na!
Vulcan: Your mocking is most illogical.
Sisko: So is your batting average. BOOYAH!

 

[Rush Limborg]

Sisko: For the record, Captain?

Picard: Yes?

Sisko: I hate that teapot.

Coming soon...one man is about to break free.

Paramount Pictures presents...

SISKO...UNCHAINED!!!

Benjamin: Now see, this is just the beginning: I'm also thinking of shaving my head.

Jake: Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaah--no, I don't think so. Trust me, Dad, NO one's gonna think that's a good look.

Sisko: Cut and dry, baby.

Sisko: Well, bless my soul.

Bajoran: Emissary? We were going to ask you the same thing.

Sisko: So I lied. I cheated. I bribed men to cover the crimes of other men.

But the most damning thing of all...

This freaking glass is empty, and I just ruined a great moment.

Solok: Captain, all I am trying to determine is this: What is the name of the man on first base--

Sisko: No, no...What's the man's name on second base--

Solok: I am not asking you who is on second--

Sisko: Who's on first!

Solok: I don't know--

Sisko: He's on third.

Solok: I beg your pardon?

Sisko: We're not talking about him.

Solok: About who?

Sisko: Who's on first.

Solok: That is what I am asking you.

Sisko: Well, don't change the players around!

Solok: I am not changing anyone--I simply want to know: What is the man's name on first?

Sisko: No, what's the man's name on second....

 

[Gepard]

The first publicity photo of the cast for Star Trek 3: Mystery Box.

 

[Avro Arrow]

Box: God, I miss Chell...

Lofton: What's this?

Brooks: The script for "Explorers".

Lofton: What? A primitive wooden spaceship gets pushed to superluminal velocities by tachyons interacting with a solar sail? Without somehow getting torn to pieces? Who writes this crap?

Brooks: <sigh> Just say the lines and collect the paycheque, Cirroc.

Sisko: Constable! I swear, these Klingons were all dead when I walked in!

Sisko: Thank you all for pointing this out to me. I've checked, and it turns out you are correct. So next episode, I'll start wearing my commbadge on the black part of the uniform jacket.

Sisko: Wait, what's that say? "So long... and thanks for all the fish"?!?

Sisko: ... and he replied proudly, "The Aristocrats!"

Solok: Pardon me, I believe I am going to be ill.

 

[Schistocerca]

Sisko: Oops!

Sisko: A toast... to absent friends!
Kira in an aside to Julian: Of course, we all know he is talking about his hair!

 

[bbjeg]

Picard: I know you blame me for all your troubles but a word of advice, if you see Q, just punch him in the face.

Sisko: I call it The Sisko 2.0
Jake: It's just the 1.5 version but only the beard.
Sisko: I'll also have a lower voice. I have a feeling this one will turn out great.

Sisko: Like... (pant)... I was... (pant)... saying... (pant)... the DS9 Caption Contests are the best.

Solok: You know we have extra sensitive smelling?
Sisko: Yep.
Solok: And that's why you and your team ate cheese and garlic.
Sisko: Yep. *Aahhhhh*

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Cirroc: I don't think the facial hair will save your job. The new guy not only has facial hair, he's got a bald head!

 

[Orac]

Sisko (Thinking): I'm not going to look, he may be wearing the assless chaps today.

 

[Nerys Myk]

SISKO: Infield fly rule, chump. Look it up!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Evil Picard: "Black villain!"

The Sisko: "Son of a bitch!"



(some of you will get this, most of you will not)