DS9 CapCon 129: Roswell that Ends Well

[Smellincoffee]

Annnnnd we're back! With WINNERS!

First up, JirinPanthosa's "Say No More":

TERRY FARRELL: So what do you think of this script I wrote for another Dax episode?



Mr. Lasterbeam's Forceful Persuasian:

Sisko: Dax! Is that...
Jadzia: My requisition for better quarters, yes. And if you turn it down, I'll gut you like a fish.

Finn earns the reliable Hell to the Chief:

Bashir: I don't know how to tell him...
Sisko: The Chief needs to know, Doctor.
Yates: (OV) Yates to Bashir. I need to see you. I should have stopped by sooner. But I thought I was seeing things. But I think one of those energy balls things went through Miles and me while we were doing repairs on my freighter. I'm not sure but I'm having morning sickness...


Leadhead's Price of Love:

Kira: Odo, I'm so glad you're here!
Odo: Really?
Kira: Yeah, I've got to get to Ops. Clean up for me, will you?

Triskelion's Damning Duty

Odo: Sigh. I'll get the hose.

Finally, the Emissary's Choice goes to Hutchy's spot-on characterization:

Dax: Here is your script.
Morn:


Congratulations to the winners, and now behold this week's set!

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Nog: In the 1990s, Lake Champlain will become the sixth Great Lake, and the new mnemonic will be SCHMOE, not HOMES.
Quark, to himself: Nog's messing up the timeline. When we get back, root beer will be out, Manischewitz will be in.

Captain Wainwright: He was rattling his bones and jumping around in a joyous manner, but it appears nothing is wrong. In fact, Dr. McCoy seems to have given him a clean bill of health.
General Denning: What a Herbert!

Carlson: From what I can tell, they are a bunch of New York comics doing their Borsht Belt schtick. I think the lead one is called John Zoidberg.

 

[Nerys Myk]

NOG: Great? Meh, I've seen greater.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

tftw!

SOLDIER: What do you think. They just seem like regular Trekkies to me.
AGENT: That makes them COMMUNISTS. Hold them indefinitely.

SOLDIER: Is this necessary? Why are we singing show tunes to them?
CARLSON: They need to understand how great American culture is. Keep singing!

GENERAL: Those four Russian spies just appeared during a test burn?
CAPTAIN: They were wearing American military uniforms, with strange emblems. The leader was wearing a tag with the name 'Jack O'Neall'.
GENERAL: Put them in with the aliens with the big ears.

QUARK: I really don't understand human abstract art. But I guess some human will pay a lot of money for this if I can make up something it symbolizes.

NOG: This is where our leaders are based.
SOLDIER: Cleveland? My God, you come from the Hellmouth?!

 

[Triskelion]

T4TW Smellincoffee!

General: Have you been able to translate any of their language?
Lieutenant: Only a few words - something about a coming epidemic of "Bieber Fever."
General: Keep 'em in quarantine until hell freezes over.
Lieutenant: Yes sir. Anything else, General?
General: Pray for humanity, son. Pray for humanity.

Scientist: We're developing a crude gestural form of communication, but I'm not sure how to codify this one.
Babe: "Too many penises?"
Corporal: Naaaaaaaaailed it!
General: DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL, AND SURE AS SHINOLA DON'T REMOVE ALL DOUBT, SOLDIER!

Soldier: They're looking for a first run edition of a science fiction story by some guy named Benny Russell.
General: Ah crap, they're nerds.

Quark: What is it, girl? Rom fell down the old gravity well?

Nog: Look Uncle, Godzilla hasn't destroyed this part of the country yet.
General: Godzilla? What the hell is that?
Quark: He means Toyota.

 

[Smellincoffee]

"I think they're exiles fleeing a Communist regime. Whaddya say we arm them, send them back to Wherever-istan to foment rebellion, and then when it breaks out, support them with paratroopers?"
"Sounds like it can't fail, Bob. "

Heeeeeey, macarena!

"Another crashed spaceship?"
"Yep."
"Well, put it next to the other one. What are we, an extraterrestrial parking lot?"

PUPPYMONKEYBABY!

Nog: We'll begin the invasion...HERE!
Officer: Actually, invasions of Canada never go well. Seriously, we've tried it three times. And we're America.

 

[Nerys Myk]

CAPTAIN: Our next stop is Bob's Country Bunker. They have both kinds of music, Country and Western.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

The painful first lesson in Prof. Rom's "Oomox for Beginners" class.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

On the next episode of The Littlest Odo...

 

[Nerys Myk]

ODO: Nog fell down a well.

 

[Timewalker]

Man on left: I can't make heads or tails of what they're arguing about. The tallest one insists on talking to somebody named Roddenberry. The next tallest wants to talk to somebody named Carl Sagan.

Man on right: What about the short one?

Man on left: Says he wants root beer.

 

[T'Ressa Dax]

Nog: We'll start right...oh, look this mitten shaped place is the same size as my hand! We should go there first.

 

[T'Ressa Dax]

Nog: We'll start right...oh, look this mitten shaped place is the same size as my hand! We should go there first.

Oops, forgot to paste the image with the caption! Sorry for the double post.

 

[T'Girl]

Quark: "These Holiday Inns are getting more bare bones every year.
.

 

[Triskelion]

Soldier: Um, green women?
Nog: Show me green women!
...
Show me green women!
......
Show me green women!
...
Show me -
Quark: Oh for Ferenginar's sake, DING! GREEN WOMEN!

 

[Smellincoffee]

"We're going to call this a weather balloon?"
"Yep."
"That sounds supiciously like a coverup."
"Son, you've been reading too much of those Astounding Stories magazines."

"Where did they come from?"
"Somewhere in the central Asian plateau."
"Really?"
"No, but that's where my history teacher said the Huns came from, and the Mongols, and the Goths before that...it's as good a guess as any."

Quark: Who let the dog out?
Nog: Wrong time period, Uncle!

 

[Finn]

Officer: File this in the rumors file for future reference

 

[Finn]

Officer: File this in the vague rumors file for future reference

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Carlson: This is the worst sitcom ever!

Wainwright: Professor, the new Life-Size General Mannequin has arrived. Unfortunately it came with the cigar and we can't get it out.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Nog: "No, NO! You're not getting it! Clearly Springfield lies in a state over here!"

Soldier: "But Flanders said Ohio, Nevada, Maine and Kentucky border it."

Quark: "Repeat after me: I could have had a V8."

Everybody: "I COULD HAVE HAD A V8!"

"Guess who?!"

Quark: "Beverly?"