GemHaters
Captain
*sigh* No, I don't. I obviously have some issues I need to resolve, and I'm trying, but I'm so weak...and I hate it....
Doctor Says I Have A Neurological Disorder...
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*sigh* No, I don't. I obviously have some issues I need to resolve, and I'm trying, but I'm so weak...and I hate it....
I once tripped on a bumpy road.
I'm never going to use a road again.
I'm done with roads.
GemHaters
Captain
Seems people don't even need to know me to know that I obviously didn't mean that...
I've already gone back to him...*sigh*
Isn't weakness or fear though Gems? We all have that desire to find that someone special, and any relationship can be hard to end. Obviously I don't know all the ins and outs of your relationship with him. Only what I can infer from your posts.
It is seems as if you do care for him, maybe more than he cares for you. It almost seems as if you are stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place. As ending your relationship will cause you heartache and staying with him could also cause heartbreak. I'm going to have to go with Ziyal on this one. In so far as to say choose which ever makes you feel better. Whether that be staying with him or leaving him.
I'm sure amongest everything it must be another unwanted issue that you have to deal with.
It is seems as if you do care for him, maybe more than he cares for you. It almost seems as if you are stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place. As ending your relationship will cause you heartache and staying with him could also cause heartbreak. I'm going to have to go with Ziyal on this one. In so far as to say choose which ever makes you feel better. Whether that be staying with him or leaving him.
I'm sure amongest everything it must be another unwanted issue that you have to deal with.
That makes me sad Gem. In order to get well you need to have a positive outlook. How can you be in a positive place with someone who makes you feel like crap?
You really need to take care of yourself right now. Someone who doesn't know how to be supportive as a friend certainly isn't capable of helping you put yourself first as you recover.
I hope you rethink this. Good luck.
Stop this. If your time really is limited, why would you spend it hating on yourself
GemHaters
Captain
Because I love him. And believe it or not, I'm more miserable without him, than I am with him. I don't really expect any of you to understand, because I don't understand it myself. Over the past few weeks he's said some really horrible things to me, I'm sure most of which I might have deserved(I'm of the thinking that it wouldn't happen if I didn't deserve it), but yesterday when he said he'd take me back(he was the one that finally ended it)I actually felt a little happy for the first time in a long time. Though, honestly....deep down inside, I feel like he's playing some kind of game with me. I feel like he's pretending, and he's going to turn it all around on me and hurt me as much as I've "hurt" him. No, I never learn. Maybe I'm too lonely, maybe I'm not smart enough....But I fear I'd wait my entire life for him......Once again, just like Catherine Zeta Jones' character Amelia Warren in The Terminal....she keeps going back to that man that's married because she feels like some day he's actually going to want her...just her....she calls it destiny.....
Then, quite frankly, you're stupid. You'll be kept around merely as a fallback position. Nights he can't get laid will be the nights that he comes around to you. He'll continue to treat you poorly because he likes it and knows you'll put up with it for his "love". A relationship like the one you're in will continue to destroy your self-esteem and will likely end up with you having a sexually transmitted disease.
You need to find someone who wants to wake up next to you in the morning, someone who wants to share in your hopes and fears and aspirations and wants to share his with you.
Long-term, you will simply quit caring about anything other than him. You will stoop lower and lower to gain his "approval".
Hey Gem,
Sorry, I'm just seeing this thread for the first time. I hope you get better soon. There's lots of good advice already in this thread that I cannot improve upon- especially from Tora Ziyal, BillJ, and Kestra.
However, a very important thing to note here is something I've seen examples time and time again is that the patient can decide their own prognosis. If you're convinced this is going to get the better of you- then it will. If you decide you're stronger than this neurological disorder (and you are) you will persevere and even thrive after you've beaten this.
Keep a positive attitude. If you find positivity here, then by all means stick around. But, if your first Docotr's opinion turns out to be correct, and if your really have only six months to live- then I wouldn't waste my time online. I get out of the house and experience life while you still are able.
If you'll permit me, I have a story to share. Back in 2003, my dad had a cough. Yes, just a cough. It was Father's Day and my sister and I made him go get it checked out. He was admitted to the hospital the following week. He passed away on July 1st at the age of 64 from Stage IV lung cancer just over two weeks later. I only share this to illustrate the fact that we never know how long we have. You're young, get out and enjoy life.
I do have to stand with the others that point out that if your boyfriend or whatever he is can't support especially now, then you drop him and trade up. Find someone who can and will support you and be there for you when you need them. You're smart, beautiful, and have great tastes in Sci-fi fandom. You can do better.
Sorry, I'm just seeing this thread for the first time. I hope you get better soon. There's lots of good advice already in this thread that I cannot improve upon- especially from Tora Ziyal, BillJ, and Kestra.
However, a very important thing to note here is something I've seen examples time and time again is that the patient can decide their own prognosis. If you're convinced this is going to get the better of you- then it will. If you decide you're stronger than this neurological disorder (and you are) you will persevere and even thrive after you've beaten this.
Keep a positive attitude. If you find positivity here, then by all means stick around. But, if your first Docotr's opinion turns out to be correct, and if your really have only six months to live- then I wouldn't waste my time online. I get out of the house and experience life while you still are able.
If you'll permit me, I have a story to share. Back in 2003, my dad had a cough. Yes, just a cough. It was Father's Day and my sister and I made him go get it checked out. He was admitted to the hospital the following week. He passed away on July 1st at the age of 64 from Stage IV lung cancer just over two weeks later. I only share this to illustrate the fact that we never know how long we have. You're young, get out and enjoy life.
I do have to stand with the others that point out that if your boyfriend or whatever he is can't support especially now, then you drop him and trade up. Find someone who can and will support you and be there for you when you need them. You're smart, beautiful, and have great tastes in Sci-fi fandom. You can do better.
That's the kind of thinking that lands -- and keeps -- people in emotionally abusive situations.
Listen to deep down inside. It's trying to tell you something.
And I'm about to send you something by PM...
GemHaters
Captain
Thank you....I responded...
Thank you for sharing that story, I'm very sorry to hear about your father. My own father is dead, but I can't really get into why. Um, no, we never know how long we have. I uh...I just haven't been doing very well lately, with anything. I uh....I feel so lost..and alone. And when my ex said he'd take me back, I just felt like....I don't know...I just felt so much relief...like 'hey, someone still wants me....kinda'...I know that's sad and pathetic...but uh....I've just never had anyone, so I cling to anyone that's willing to be there at all. I'm trying to stop, I'm trying so badly...but I can't. I just fall back into the same thing every time. I think I crave unstable, unhealthy relationships. Even my psychiatrist can't figure it out. Here I am...going to back to someone who said I was lying about being sick, just to get attention....Would someone shoot me? I obviously can't even take care of myself....
You have to force yourself to accept that being alone, without this boyfriend will make you feel terrible, but it's still the right thing to do, the right thing for your own emotional health. Chemo makes people feel terrible but it's the right thing to do for their health and eventually they stop feeling terrible from it. It's the same with being alone and not having someone you got used to being in your life, eventually you will no longer feel terrible about this. But you have to live through the terrible part to get out the other side.
It's helpful to look at bad, painful phases in your life as transitional. They are like some awful medical treatment that once you are finished with you have more choices and health and your life is better. It's all about making yourself get a grip and have perspective.
It's helpful to look at bad, painful phases in your life as transitional. They are like some awful medical treatment that once you are finished with you have more choices and health and your life is better. It's all about making yourself get a grip and have perspective.
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I understand it. And I think a lot of people in this thread do as well... including you. I won't judge you for your choice to go back with him, but I will say, like the others, that it isn't what is best for you. However, no one can force you to accept that. Trying to do so will just solidify you against the idea.
^This.
I will add that after a particularly bad breakup I chose to be alone for 2 years. In that time I learned to like myself. It is truly amazing what can happen when you like/accept yourself. I met the man who became my husband after I made myself happy.
I do believe that in order to recover you need to be in a good, positive space...and it doesn't sound like that will happen with this guy.
I hope you reconsider...
Take care of yourself.
This sounds like an abuse cycle, to me. It almost reminds me of the way we saw Gul Dukat treat his mistresses. I'm not saying that to be degrading--the man was a master manipulator and excellent at psychologically undermining people to do what they want.
There is no shame in my book in recognizing that you have a problem and that you need help. I'm sure anyone here who is in Alcoholics Anonymous, for instance, would tell you that. Seeking help might be the right move so you don't have to fight this battle without support.
He wouldn't happen to be over at the Barrows Neurological institute would he? Most of the best neurologists in Arizona are there. Good people. I was a patient as a child. The Institute is also affiliated with one of the best hospitals in the state.
What's the name of this disorder?
plugging ... TV-characters and situation into real-life-situations?
Why not, beamMe? Dukat is a good illustration of what NG was trying to describe. Storytelling (and TV is a form of storytelling) has always been used to teach lessons about real life.
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