Well, the way I see it is ever since Zef got a glimpse of the E-E through the telescope in First Contact the timeline has been changed and everything is different. If you keep that in mind while you watch this movie you can probably enjoy it alot more. At least that is what I am planning on doing.
Actually, I don't think of it as out of line with anything that's actually gone before.
1. Where was Kirk ever established as a horseman in his younger years? Nowhere.
2. So what if Spock is "too emotional?" At this point, as we know from The Cage/The Menagerie, he
was "too emotional." So, JJ isn't toying with
anything here. In fact, he's fleshing out a question that's been bothering fans for years...how, exactly, did we get from the emotional Spock of Pike's captaincy to the much more in control Spock of TOS. Indeed, that's been a running theme in TOS Trek...Spock is emotional, then logical, then he moves to extreme logic in TMP, finally coming to realize he's mistaken, and eventually to the very balanced Spock of TUC. Spock's always been on this journey.
3. The only odd thing, really, is the Treknology..eg. the Enterprise herself...obviously the designers have added their own touch, "curvy" to her, which is likely a symbolic reference to her femininity...she's curved, like a young woman, which evokes Kirk falling in love with her when she's under construction (which loads the shot of her being built on Earth with significance).
4. Apropos, 3, the technology of the interior and the look is obviously "more advanced' and "bigger" than the original.
a. The Cage/Menagerie bridge was bigger.
b. The Enterprise bridge has always been different in every Trek movie, sometimes more from movie to movie, sometimes less.
c. Symbolicly, she reminds me of a young, sexy woman who overdresses to impress, yet she's powerful, seductive, and has some hidden secrets. Over time, she becomes more self-confident and covers up...she doesn't need to advertise her sexuality. Indeed, she "ditches" Pike for Kirk. Pike's her first serious boyfriend; Kirk is her husband. She's dressed up for hot night on town with Pike, but later will cover it up and dress down for Kirk, because she's snagged her husband.
By the way, I expect there's a character parallel here in Uhura too. This Uhura is likely a bit mouthy, has an attitude, and can probably school Kirk. She's not going to be taken in by him. She's the woman he can't have; a woman who can, if she wants, have him, and a woman who can tame him. Enterprise is the same way, but she snags Kirk, where Uhura won't have him, and, as we know, Uhura winds up being her "voice," which strikes me as an interesting notion - and like Uhura in TOS, who was sexy and strong, who could wear a mnidress, and yet was a real lady, a "queen," even, so too was the TOS Enterprise we all know and love.
Put another way, in this movie, Uhura is younger and sexier. She's curvier. Heck we see her take off her shirt so we can see her bra. Well, that's the Enteprise in this movie. This is the Enterprise that'll take off her shirt so we can see her bra. Well, TOS Enterprise itself won't take off her shirt, but she's still wearing the sexy miniskirt. There's a evolution here, and I think JJ has picked up on that idea.
d. There could be an in-story explanation--perhaps she is running a LOT of new, experimental technology on this mission. Some will make it to the phase, others won't and will be held over for a long time.
I think some of the naysayers are greatly overstating their case and need to think like a writer/director/designer. There's significance to these differences beyong the "cool factor."
