Cheer me up. Or don't.

[Doom Shepherd]

So, I... just heard from my dad that he has prostate cancer.

You know the wimpy kind, that they catch early and with treatment you can get better from?

He doesn't have that kind. He has the aggressive kind. It's in the pelvic and also they think the spine, which is why he went in for the CT scan in the first place - back pain.

He's going to fight, but... 6 months to 2 years, doc told him.

I'm in a strange place right now. Flipping between immense emotional pain, then clamping down hard on that pain, then not feeling anything, then random stray thoughts take me back to step 1. And I feel bad about not feeling more but I can't LET myself feel more because if I let the walls down then everything comes out and I can't deal with that right now and even just telling my wife what happened I set off her migraine and I just can't let her see me fall apart because I'm HER rock of emotional stability and that might hurt her more than anything, I don't know.

I wanna reach out to people, but at the same time I don't want to hear anything anybody has to say and I just want to be left alone. (Hence the title.)

This really sucks.

 

[Tora Ziyal]

Yup, it sucks. I won't try to cheer you. But I will tell you that you are not alone. A dx of cancer -- any kind of cancer, in either yourself or someone you love -- is scary stuff. I've been there. Your mixed feelings sound familiar and normal. Maybe consider finding a support group for loved ones / caregivers, either online or in real life.

 

[auntiehill]

It does indeed suck, and it's going to continue to suck. The only thing I can suggest is to go somewhere private--like the shower or go for a drive--and just fall apart. Cry, scream, swear--the whole nine yards.

When my dad died, I had such mixed emotions. I knew it was coming (we knew for a few years that he was dying) but it was still tough. I had a 3 1/2 hour drive to Mom's place on the day I got the news; a sad song came on the radio and I lost it. I cried for a good portion of the drive, so I when I arrived, I was ready to get things done and help out.

You can't bottle this shit up. While I normally "go all Spock" when bad things happen, I also have to get it all out--preferably in private. You sound like that's your M.O. as well. Go have a good freak-out--you'll probably need to have more than one; if you don't, you're liable to just explode later and that's not going to help anyone.

Just my two cents. Feel free to PM if you want.

 

[DonIago]

I'd offer a hug, if you accept such things. Beyond that, I fear this the kind of thing where I'm woefully underequipped to do much more than offer to listen and express my condolences.

If it helps, and I'd understand if it didn't, when I was 11 my grandmother dealt with cancer. Apparently I was very shielded from a lot of it, but...not all of it.

Best wishes for you and yours.

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

As others have said, you can't bottle it up all the time. You need to let it out, either on your own or with someone will listen (they really don't even need to speak, just listen to you rant/rave/scream/whatever it takes for you to let it out). Whoever tells you "real men don't cry" has obviously never met a real man, sometimes it's the only way to deal with the shit life throws us.

It's gonna be a bitch and it's gonna be hard, unfortunately there's no way to sugar-coat that.

Be strong for others around you, but also let them be strong for you, you're all coping with this terrible news together.

 

[sbk1234]

So sorry. I recently lost my father due to a different type of health issue. We had an "interesting" relationship all my life. Both of us have/had anger issues and clinical depression (among other things). I know that one thing that I think took some of the sting out of it was knowing that I did spend time with him before it was too late. One of my fondest memories is one of my last. My dad and I just sat outside in the yard to have lunch. I didn't even want to at first. We ended up sitting and chatting for a couple of hours. Not about anything in particular. That memory has since been a comfort, and a reminder that we actually had a closer relationship than I had ever realized.
I'm sorry I can't tell you anything that will really help. I hope this helps a little.

 

[Doom Shepherd]

So I tried to have a good ol' catharsis last night, watched a movie that used to trigger the feels, and... nothing. Now I'm worried that I've been doing this all so long that my brain is rewired (or short-circuited) not to LET me.

Had to take the wife in for minor dental surgery today (successful), my boss has called an urgent meeting at work about a strike tomorrow.

And I'm just sitting here "bleh."

I'm gonna have to watch "Marley & Me." If that doesn't work, I'll know I'm FUBAR.

 

[Tora Ziyal]

Nope, not FUBAR, just in a state of shock.

 

[auntiehill]

You'll get there in your own time, dude.

 

[Doom Shepherd]

So I got a bit of good news last night, thought I'd share: My dad started his treatments yesterday. The doctor informed them that the "6 months to 2 years" is the expectancy WITHOUT treatment.

We still don't know what it is WITH treatment, but at least it should be longer than that.

 

[Jedman67]

My father had prostate cancer. It was "easily treatable" except that it left him with a lot of scar tissue that caused ten years of medical complications. Ten years of increasing in-and-out of the hospital stays, of overall declining health, being dosed with the nastiest antibiotic treatments, "minor" surgical repairs, etc; before he finally passed away earlier this year in his 70's. We never had a great relationship, but he was always my father and he was always there when i needed him. It wasn't easy and it wasn't pleasant for my mother or siblings either.
You're not alone.

 

[Scotchy]

My father was diagnosed with a "very aggressive" type of prostate cancer back in 2009. The Doctor wasn't optimistic about how much time he has left, but so far (with surgery and radiation treatments) he's outlasted their expectations. It just goes to show Doctors don't necessarily know everything. He's still alive and fighting it, but it has taken a toll on him.
If you're looking for a sad movie to trigger an emotional release, I would recommend the 2001 Emma Thompson film Wit.
Best wishes to you and your Father during this very rough ordeal.

 

[publiusr]

At least this way--you have time to get things in order, and he can have a more direct say in how things should be.

 

[Doom Shepherd]

It would be a lot easier if my family wasn't complete CRAP at communicating with each other, as a rule.

 

[Doom Shepherd]

So my wife just got off the phone. Her oldest brother has a brain tumor, probably a glioblastoma, which means (if I read my articles correctly) he's probably dead in a year.

My dad starts radiation treatments tomorrow. Just saw him, he's in good spirits, even with the catheter.

Cancer also took TWO of my Alpha Phi Omega 'brothers' (one guy, one woman, A Phi O is co-ed.) this year.

FUCK CANCER.

 

[Tora Ziyal]

Best wishes to your dad. I hope he gets through the radiation as easily as possible.

I'm sorry so many people in your life have been affected by cancer lately.

 

[think]

Cheer up or not it is your choice weather it is Nobeler to be happy in the striking down by death of the people you love is always your choice. You know you can have cancer too,.. and would joining them change anything? No. But what is like beyond the worst case possible scenario? IDK,,, I do know that I am as happy as I let myself be.. positive change is best for me when my attitude and altitude are off,..

Hey if you don't cheer up it's your choice not mine,..

Thanks for letting us help ,,, it is hard enough to be happy without problems..

 

[Flying Spaghetti Monster]

I lost my dad a few years ago due to cancer. But to stay on topic, maybe my Halloween costume this year will cheer you up..

 

[Doom Shepherd]

My best friend from grad school... possibly my best friend ever... passed away this morning.
She was a brilliant, amazing person, the best GM ever to run any RPG, and I was very much in unrequited love with her for quite some time.

Can this year just FUCK OFF ALREADY?

 

[Tora Ziyal]

Oh, no! I'm so sorry to hear this. An e-hug is available if you want one.