I am not married but I would keep my name
Changing last name after marriage: Who takes whose?
- Thread starter SeerSGB
- Start date
My parents were married for only ten years, and have been divorced now for thirty-five. But my Mom has always kept my Dad's surname. She just liked the sound of it better than her maiden name.
When Dad remarried, his new wife took his surname--but her two children from a previous marriage kept their father's.
Any other children of divorced parents here? What were your experiences?
When Dad remarried, his new wife took his surname--but her two children from a previous marriage kept their father's.
Any other children of divorced parents here? What were your experiences?
I'm curious how couples feel who already have the same last name. Do you suppose they have the slightest bit of wonder if they're actually blood related in some way?
Anyway, no one has to take anyone's name. But I feel creating a new name altogether really screws up the geneaology.
--Ted
Anyway, no one has to take anyone's name. But I feel creating a new name altogether really screws up the geneaology.
--Ted
An interesting thought. I'm sure they spend a few extra minutes checking, at least. Then again, you can even legally marry 1st cousins in a lot of places, so if you don't know the same group of people, you're probably safe enough.
Forget where I was reading it, but one couple recently had the EXACT same names (no relation). Both were named Kelly (something, can't recall). They were having trouble with all sorts of legal documents (looked like someone marrying themselves), as well as flights, reservations, etc. Seemed like the obvious solution to avoid a lifetime of trouble was just for one of the two to change their FIRST name. Perhaps she should consider changing the spelling of her name to Kellie, just to make the whole mess easier?
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Yeah, no reason at all. Still, in all likelihood she will take yours. As I said, discrimination is in the action. You talk the talk, but you won't walk the walk.
I really can't understan how can it be confusing. In some countries, people don't even use surnames. They seem to get on quite well.
Yes, in all likelihood because it is traditional and would lead to less confusion. Discrimination? No offense but wtf are you talking about? How on earth is changing your name discriminatory? I won't walk what walk? It's not like I'm making a statement about women's rights or something.
Where do you think this tradition came out? A magician's hat?
I'll spell it down for you, since you apparently are incapable (or unwilling) of such:
1. It is a tradition born out of a patriarchal society, where wives were sold from the father (maiden surname) to the husband (married surname). That is the reason of the name change. It has shit to do with "becoming one flesh".
2. To insist on this tradition, is to endorse (even unknowingly) this system that equate women to commodities. It's discriminatory because it implies a subservient position for the wife to the husband.
3. You insist that you will be willing to take her surname, but that probably she will take yours due to tradition. Well, since it is a sexist tradition, it becomes a sexist action. You may be not sexist yourself, but you are doing a sexist action.
I suppose it's not your reason for supporting that, but you can't play naive and tell me that you didn't know all this.
...and for the last time, what is so confusing about using a different convention?
I don't give a crap where the tradition came form. It has nothing to do with what it is today. I am not doing any sexist action. If I changed my name wouldn't that be sexist as well, in your book? It's confusing because when I see a couple named Miller I expect, based on typical society, that the husband's parents are named Miller as well. If they're not Miller it's weird.
What different custom would I use? I already mentioned the three that would be acceptable. Me changing my name to match her name. Her changing her name to match my name. Both of us changing to a new surname.
What different custom would I use? I already mentioned the three that would be acceptable. Me changing my name to match her name. Her changing her name to match my name. Both of us changing to a new surname.
I disagree. The reasons a tradition came into existence are very important, in my opinion. And I'm not sure this is not the reason it's done today, at least at the unconscious level.
Of course. But since society is slanted towards sexism against female and not against male (except some specific issues), I'm not really worried about that.
It's confusing because you don't want to spend a split second thinking about it. The US is not the world, you know. And even in the US, there are a lot of possibilities about different names, even in a "traditional" environment: adoption, divorce, second marriages, etc.
All fine and cool. Still, I'm quite confident, when time comes, you will choose option number 2. For tradition, of course.
There's really no need to get hostile.
Merely one interpretation, my friend
. It depends on where your ideological loyalty is. If that's your take on it, that's great, but don't forget it's only one take on things, however its come to dominate certain communal and educational circles in some nations.
You are right, I'm sorry. I got swept away in the argument. My apologies to Michael.
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^^ Thank you.
Thank you.
You're welcome. Now if I get married and that's a big if because I'm just not a big fan...I'm not changing shit...well legally anyway. I'd consider "going by" another name because
1) My last name is pretty bad (sorry Dad)
2) its frikkin 13 letters long
3) I already use a shortnened version of it.
I had a friend who made her man change his name to hers.
Talk about whipped!
On a somewhat related note, I just read in the news the other day that two people who met on facebook are getting married and they both have the same first and last name.
That's gonna be confusing....
^ Yes I believe you're talking about the Kelly's.... LOL I saw them too this weekend on today. They are a really cute couple though. She contacted him because he had the same name and they are already having problems ...like they booked a trip and one of their tickets was cancelled because they thought it was a duplicate.
If no one is reading your posts, you should take a second to think about that, haha.
(I'm joking, but you opened the door)
(I'm joking, but you opened the door)
