Caption Contest 8: Outstanding In His Minefield

[Triskelion]

Great contributions from all in the last contest, it didn't make my job any easier! Congratulations to the following winners:

First let me raise a frothy mug of root beer to SFRabid, who dominated this week's contest like a Captioner of the Universe!

The first image had the most potential winners. It was carnage trying to cut them down, but I bit the bullet and declared no ties, otherwise we'd be here all night...besides, Alyssa's entry is clearly a cut above:

T'Pol: Captain while I have no idea who or what 'Crocodile Dundee' is, you have been doing that for 10 minutes now and Porthos has not fallen asleep yet. Perhaps you should give up.

Captain Archer: One .... more .....minute.

The winner of the second caption takes my vote as it entertained me on two levels:

"It's in the frakking ship!"

Holy crap that's funny! But you have to be a BSG fan to get it. The other level being 'Mr Berman mixing up his arcs'. If I'd had my photoshop I'd have put Tigh's patch over his eye! But I'm on Gimp right now and feeling like a gimp! I can't even get it to do basic stuff like select & copy!

Third image winner:

Once again Malcolm amuses himself by increasing power to artificial gravity at the exact time Hoshi steps on the bathroom scales.

To be honest this one came from a multipost that very nearly won. Man I hated not giving a win to the gazelle speech caption! Yet another casualty of comedy among many from the last contest.

And the fourth cap:

Trip: "I thought you retrieved two slugs from the planet?"
Hoshi: "I did but one seems to have disappeared."
Phlox: (burp)

Congrats and thanks to multi-winning SFRabid for all the other near-winners contributed!

Onto the Multi-Caption Award:

Archer: "Wait, don't tell me. The Vulcan Science Directorate doesn't believe canon exists, either."

Archer: "Must...get...better...pecks...than...Trip!"

Reed: "Okay, we're ready to lay down the guitar track."

Zoidberg hatchling: "Do you mind if you can get your doctor to give me some more toenail clippings? A feast is a feast, I tell you!"

Kudos to the ever devlish Man-Rodent! Inside jokes and skiffy references abound this week!


And a Photoshop award, and why not:
A tie, and here I thought I could get through without any ties for once...

Reed: How do you like my new ass-grabbing clone, Commander?
Trip (off screen): Disturbing

Starpaul, a new winner on the ledger, congrats! Welcome to the pantheon!

And, as if we hadn't hear enough from him already:

Woman's voice from video feed: "You've been a naughty boy Major Hayes. Now you must be punished."

Major Hays: "Hurt me until I cry. Make me beg for mercy."

Malcolm: "Save. ... Broadcast ship wide. ... This is the best day of my life."

T'Pol thinking: (I wish he would stop picking his nose.)

T'Pol: "Captain, I am familiar with the rules of limbo. You are cheating."

Hoshi: "Did you find the problem with the transporter that caused Captain Archer to materialize so small?

Trip: "Yep. He tried to reprogram the transporter coding so that some body parts would rematerialize larger than the original size. He inverted an equation and messed up reeeeeaaaaaalllll bad."

So let's call this the SFRabid Sweep! Excellente!

The prize for each of our winners:

A Trek Mural on the building of your choice!


Ok, onto the next contest. This ditty comes from a walk through the Minefield, which, was NOT an episode about having a dog on a starship, but anyway....

___________________

Set phasers to stupid!

 

[Brian]

Trip: "Cap'n, I was only joking when I groused about the poop question. Can I get off latrine duty now?"

Malcolm: "Blimey, they were right. This ship really does suck balls."

Archer: "T'Pol, I want to know who sabotaged my pressure suit, and I want to know now."
Trip: "Uh.. Sir? Are we looking at the frank, or the beans?"

Reed: "You know, Sir, I've really come to enjoy these 'private times' together. Do you think they believe we're doing EVA training?"
Archer: "I don't know, but to be safe, you go back in first. I'll wait five minutes, then go through the other door."

 

[cooleddie74]

"I'm really gonna miss Sluggo.

Damn shame Phlox is so nearsighted when he eats."

MALCOLM:"That reminds me, sir.

I need to buy a lava lamp for my quarters."

ARCHER:"I'll take this damn helmet and EV suit off when you bathe and change uniforms, Commander. Two weeks of rocking those same skivvies is making some of us physically ill."

And Malcolm died as he lived.


With a guy flashing a buffalo shot right in front of his face.

 

[cooleddie74]

"I'd light a match if I go in there, Cap'n.

It ain't pretty. And I ran outta paper to boot."

 

[Triskelion]

Well Hoshi's all moved. Wish I'd never bought a damned pickup.

Archer: Lieutenant Reed, why is it playing Vivaldi?
Reed: You tripped the Berman circuit, Captain! Run!
Tucker: Somebody call me?

Trip: Captain, I was just pulling your leg about Vulcan crotch rot.

Reed: I don't think she likes you sir. Can I get medical attention now sir?

 

[cooleddie74]

"I'll never forget her, sir.

And her sacrifice for the rest of us.




What the hell was her damn name again?"

MALCOLM:"Bad news, sir.

Not only did I accidentally arm the damn thing...but someone put a parking ticket on one of the ship's windows."

TRIP:"It...

it's my damn halitosis. Ain't it?"

ARCHER:"Sit still. Don't move.

And open your mouth as wide as you can."

 

[cooleddie74]

"I really miss Elizabeth.


I also miss Crunch Berries, but that's neither here nor there right now."

 

[Nerys Myk]

Golly, Andy. I ain't seen Barney all day.

MACLOM: I told you to feed the meter! Now we got this bloody boot!

 

[SFRabid]

Archer: "Trip? Why do you have ink all over your face and uniform?"
Trip: "Cap'n, take my advice. Stay away from alien women. More importantly, never go down on a woman that is half humanoid and half squid."

Malcolm sometimes gets the feeling that the ship is watching him.

Archer: "I cannot finish repairs if I have to keep coming back in every 5 minutes to separate you. What happened this time?"

Trip: "One minute I was kissing Ensign Mary Jones and the next minute I was materializing in the waste holding tank."

Archer: "T'Pol?"

T'Pol: "Sensors indicated that a pile of shit needed to be transferred to recycling. It is logical that Mr. Tucker could be mistaken for a pile of shit."

Malcolm: "Sir? Why did you shoot me?"

Archer: "Ratings, Malcolm. ... I did it for ratings."

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Trip suddenly realized he could never be as cool as Kyle Katarn.

Nacelle: You cannot hide. I see you. There is no life in the void. Only death.

Malcom: Trip was right. One does not simply space-walk into Mordorprise.

T'pol: Are you alright captain?

Archer: No thanks to this half-assed supershit spacesuit.

Trip: Tony Stark built that suit in a cave! With a box of scraps!

Reed: i had the strangest dream. And you were there. And you were there. And you were there.

Archer: Malcom, I'm the only one in here.

 

[cooleddie74]

"Sci-Fi's waitin' til when to put us back on?!

SUNNUVABITCH. Well that's the last time I TiVo one of their EUREKA marathons..."

Malcolm had to resort to desperate and dangerous measures to receive pleasure from his banned and forbidden PleasureBot 5000.

TRIP:"Be glad you're still in the suit, Captain.

T'Pol just let a plomeek fart that would melt your eyebrows."

(*Coughs*)

REED:"I...I love you, sir."

ARCHER:"Please, Lieutenant.

Not in front of the bay doors."

 

[cooleddie74]

"'Nun says same as in town'...

Nah. Sorry, sir.

I...I just don't get that one."

 

[Triskelion]

Cap'n...turns out Vulcans only clean their grout every seven years too.

Archer: I just had a flashback to fat camp - but instead of a strut through the leg it was a golf club upside the head.

T'Pol: Sir, Halloween was last night. You were passed out drunk.

Ask again later??

 

[cooleddie74]

"Avoid the men's room on E Deck.

Trust me.

Looks like a Xindi superweapon went off in there."

ARCHER:" Will you stop licking your lips, Malcolm?

I know you're happy I saved your hide...BUT...damn."

ARCHER:" This is just a precaution. The last time I went in Malcolm's quarters I came out with a rash the size of the Crab Nebula.

And crabs."

"Damn bloody Pokemon balls.

I kept telling the Captain and Travis to avoid the Animei Nebula...but nooooooooooooo."

 

[Nebusj]

``Well, if we don't have a coal mine then what have I been digging in all day?''

``Somebody spilled coffee all over the blueprint --- okay, one of the wires is a kind of ... blue-ish grey ... and the other is more a kind of ... ah ... grey-ish blue.''

``Well? I've got my robot costume on, now what do I do to transform into a sportscar?''
``Sir, we've been through this before. That was a movie. Those robots were pretending.''

``However much you explain, Captain, I don't think I'm ever going to be able to end my dance routine with a peppy slide forward and drop to my knees.''

 

[Nerys Myk]

HOSHI(over comm unit): Open the pod bay door Mal.

REED: I can hear you all snickering!

 

[Kirby]

Trip: Whoa! Who farted?

 

[Skywalker]

Connor: "You're sure that's it?"
Agent: "I'm afraid so. Sorry, Connor, but it's the only role I could get for you."
Connor: *sigh* "Alright. I guess Stargate: Atlantis is better than nothing..."

 

[Gil T.Azell]

REED: [thinking] "Why do I have the feeling I'm being watched??"

Trip:"Oh sir it was horrible, those muff divers of thiers taste far worse than they look"

 

[cooleddie74]

ONE ARC...TO RUIN THEM ALL.

"I'm never gonna learn how to properly eat chocolate devil's food cake...am I?"