caption contest 44: loosed in translation

[Triskelion]

Let's close the deal on the Vulcan money pit and find the fairer shores of humor beyond the shoals of discontent. That was a hard contest to judge because every real estate joke was cracking me up farther and farther, it was hard to pick just one, so I didn't!

We have some new winners this round, and some familiar faces too! Congrats to all who played! now onto the picks of the lot.

But first, a Public Service Announcement:

And now...

First Image:

"My mind to your mind...

My Lee Press-ons...to your hairplugs."

T'Pau: "Dahleenk! What I tell yoo abowt lettink sheep's barbar cut'chor harr? He boot-cherr. Aauukkk. I try my *best*. Hole steel!"

T'Pau: "Gazelles... gazelles... more gazelles... Geez, what's wrong with this guy?"

Second Image:

Vulcan: "Nonsense! The holes in the walls are great! They provide a pleasant breeze, just the thing for our hot, arid climate. And you would not believe how much fun a sudden pack of wild sehlats running through your living room can be!"

SURAK:"Did you see my OTHER rough-hewn patio? The one with the even more crooked and pockmarked pillars?"

Surak: "Feng Shui is all well and good, Captain... but if I move those pillars as you suggest, in order to make my aura more healthy... I would also be buried under Mount Selayah."

Archer: "Okay... scratch that. How do you feel about wind chimes?"

'Chop Shop Award:

Although no Vulcan would ever admit it, T'Pau was very proud to have been promoted to first chair in the Enterprise barber shop

Congratulations to the winners!
It gives me great pleasure to award the National Medal of Geekology Award Medal to you:

cooleddie74

John Picard

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Kirby

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Jonas Grumby​

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cooleddie74​

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ChristopherPike

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jptrekker​

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APPLAUSE
<insert gazelle speech here>


Our next contest examines Vulcan inner spaces, Denobulan idea exchanges, and all things lost in translation, when we examine a certain first officer's Stigma:

...and an alternative:

____________________________
Company!

 

[ChristopherPike]

Thanks for adding another medal to my collection!

LOL! This picture's a classic... made me laugh even before I'd thought of something.

Phlox: "PHWOAR!"

Trip: (thinking) "I knew Malcolm's Carry On film suggestion for Movie Night was a mistake..."

Archer: "...and then the Andorian said, 'that's not my antenna!'"

looks at Vulcan's dead pan expression

"If the wind changes direction you'll stick like that, you know."

 

[cooleddie74]

PHLOX:"NO!!!!!


Mister Tucker...that's NOT a wall urinal!!!"

ARCHER:"Says here you once took a dare while you were at the Vulcan Science Academy and used Red Matter to create a black hole in a drunken friend's rectum...


How'd that work out?"

 

[cooleddie74]

PHLOX:"Be careful, Commander.

Despite my society's proclivity towards multiple wives and partners, I am no fan of sloppy seconds."

 

[Kirby]

Thanks for the win Triskelion!

Trip: The transitive what? Listen, just say 'three-way' and maybe she'll understand.

Archer: I can't figure this out. It's either some strange language, or maybe a code or something. If Hoshi were here...

Vulcan: It's english and you have the padd is upside down. Again. Dumbass.

T'Pol: And this time I'm running away for good. They'll come looking for me and I'll be long gone. Then they'll miss me, and they'll really be sorry!

 

[Mistral]

Archer: "Let's see, self-sealing stem bolts, matching phase cannons, T'Pol's push-up bras, one copy of 'Navigation for Dummies', hmm, I think Mayweather and I need to chat, um, assorted fruits and vegetables-nope! There's nothing on the inventory list about a cigar store wooden Vulcan."

 

[Shatmandu]

 

[cooleddie74]

Hooked on Phonics: The Sato Edition

VULCAN:"It is my own personal slash fanfic story, Captain.

Do you like it? I included your Commander Tucker as often as logically possible within the context of the story structure."

"I'll show Trip.

A Vulcan woman CAN urinate like a human male!!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Archer: "Oh, when I made all these sexual comments to T'Pol, I was just kidding ..."

Archer: "You need to snazz up the cover, man. You've got to grab your target audience ..."
Spirt: "Explain."

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Archer: "I'm very sorry, Sir. I know you had your hopes up, but we already have a Santa Claus for the store this year".

.............................................

And a Two in One:

Feezal: "According to these internal scans, Commander Tucker, your boxers are once again in T'Pol's quarters."

Trip: "I thought I retrieved them once already"

"They triesss to take it from us, Precious, but we outsmartsss them, yes..."

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Hoshi (in obscure language): "Seriously? I mean, seriously, that's your best outfit? Like no way, you skank. Like, oh my god, did you rob a homeless woman?"

Feezal: "I'm sorry? I didn't catch that"

Hoshi (in Denobulan): "Oh, sorry, I said "I'm still having trouble with the transitive verbs""

 

[Shatmandu]

<T'Pol farts, shifts awkwardly, then pulls open sleeve-ending to release the airpocket.>

Archer: "Ah, so you looked up my 'all you need are bolts on your neck' reference, eh? Well, uh ..."

 

[ChristopherPike]

Suddenly it looked like the pressure was finally off Trip and for some reason UPN's ratings suddenly shot up.

Anyhow as Hoshi was saying in Denobulan...

The fact Feezal hadn't cut her toenails in days wasn't exactly helping either...

 

[Nerys Myk]

T'POL: I know I packed a vibrator!!! It's gotta be here!

 

[Nerys Myk]

ARCHER: Damn, I thought there was a no douche bags app.

 

[Mach5]

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T'POL:
One universal translator - CHECK...
One "Earth starship survival guide" - CHECK!
One Risan tri-axial vibro-tube - CHECK...
One... Swedish made penis enlarger?
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[ChristopherPike]

A few minutes later...

Trip: (putting down his drink) "Look... seriously now. Pack that in!"

Feezal: "But I'm not doing anything, Commander..."

Trip gazes at his other table mate, before taking another gulp of Coffee...

off camera

Malcolm: "Room for one more?"

Hoshi: "I'll say."

That coffee suddenly goes down the wrong way.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Phlox: "It's not an erogenous zone dear, in fact, the phase pistol isn't even part of his anatomy. Try the small floppy thing down the front."

Trip: "Aw man, this is crap. The Dattebayo fansubs are more authentic."

Archer: "Shh, not now. Mafia Wars."

T'Pol realises that there's only so many bags of Trellium D one can hide up one's ass, before it affects one's posture.

 

[Shatmandu]

As far as ice-breakers go, it didn't go far at all.

 

[ChristopherPike]

"...and now to distract the guys on the gate, and this little lot will be on eBay later tonight."

Archer: "Hmmm. No mention of this in the Tourist Guide...

(yelling)

HEY! HEY YOU! YEAH YOU! I'M TALKING TO YOU!"

waves hands in front of frozen Vulcan

"Are you like those guards in furry hats outside Buckingham Palace?

You know, unable to move until you're ordered to change places?"

Vulcan unexpectedly reaches out and gives Archer a nerve pinch.