caption contest 40: on the mirror, darling

[Deranged Nasat]

Archer: "...so they all rolled over and one fell out, splattered on the floor with his guts hanging out...HA HA HA HA HA HA".

Gorn: *Eyes bug, body shakes*

Voiceover: Mister Archer learnt that, with a Gorn in the house, some games become frighteningly literal. Don't make the same mistake. Gorns are not pets. This advert brought to you by the Earth Exotic Pet Inport Control Advisary Board.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

"Oh my god. It's another writer! The signs are identical. Shot in the chest, with the phrase "MORE SCREENTIME!" burnt into the corpse. This is one twisted, frustrated, underappreciated guy we've got here".

Travis: "Yeah, yeah, he was like that when I found him."

 

[Rat Boy]

James Cawley (off camera): "Hey, get out of here! I need to put a better lock on the door."

In the mirror universe, Keyboard Cat was actually a Gorn and instead of playing people off, Keyboard Gorn ate them.

 

[cooleddie74]

MIRROR ARCHER:"Ewwwww....look at the chair.

I sure to hell hope that's pudding."

GORN:"You can save up to 15% off your next drydock refitting if you switch your starship insurance to GEICO!!!

Stop hitting me!!!"

 

[cooleddie74]

In the Mirror Universe, the NEW VOYAGES fan film set was a interplanetarily-recognized cultural shrine.

 

[Triskelion]

Mirror James Cawley: <drives Chevy into set>

 

[ChristopherPike]

These days in Hollywood, product placement deals are sorted out the old-fashioned way!

Gorn: "Coors™!"

Archer: "Budweiser™... you damn dirty lizard!"

Paramount Executive: (on hands-free, counting his betting money) "Yes, Mr. Abrams. No, no, the fight's still on...

Maybe I can get back to you after another round or two?

We can always get Zoe to loop her dialogue once we're done signing the contract..."

 

[cooleddie74]

MIRROR TRIP:"Bad news, Commander.

Their universe's computers aren't Windows compatible."

MIRROR ARCHER:"At least we know Bill Gates was an asshole in BOTH realities."

 

[cooleddie74]

UFP Summerslam 2268

Man VS. Gorn in the ultimate Hallway Cagematch!!

 

[Kirby]

Archer: Must... find... ingredients... to make... crude... cannon!

 

[SFRabid]

Gorn: "You will not defeat me. I sent out agents to destroy your ability to create canon."
Archer: "Don't you mean to create a cannon?"
Gorn: "That's what I said. Canon. You will not be able to blast me with canon."
Archer: "A cannon you shoot is spelled with 2 n's."
Gorn: "But I ordered my agents to destroy Star Trek canon."
Archer: "Damn you. Do you realize what you have done!"

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Gorn: "You will not defeat me. I sent out agents to destroy your ability to create canon."
Archer: "Don't you mean to create a cannon?"
Gorn: "That's what I said. Canon. You will not be able to blast me with canon."
Archer: "A cannon you shoot is spelled with 2 n's."
Gorn: "But I ordered my agents to destroy Star Trek canon."
Archer: "Damn you. Do you realize what you have done!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

GORN: For the last time, I'm a freaking reptile! I don't have boobies!!!!!!

 

[cooleddie74]

The little-known and even more rarely attempted "Gorny Style" position for intimacy had many perils and drawbacks.

Not the least of which was the interruption of climax by a giant claw in one's side.

 

[ChristopherPike]

Phlox: (reading a book from the Defiant's library)

"Interesting. According to the 'Talosian Guide to Alpha Quadrant Lifeforms'...

Human males are notorious for attempting "the claw" during a first date.

The Gorn much prefer to go straight into the "beast with two backs".

Unfortunately for the Captain, this book won't be published for another 104 years.

Nevermind, this experience will be something to tell his Grandkids...

...assuming their parents hatch, of course."

 

[cooleddie74]

MIRROR TRIP:"We've got a problem, Commander...their crew locked out anyone from uploading porn sites! And this encryption subroutine is more advanced than ANY I've ever seen...even on the Emperor's Toe-Sucking Fetish site!"

 

[jep]

Archer: "Can't.... you... see the color.... of my shirt??? It's not red.... so I'm not... the one who is going... to die here!!!"

Gorn: "Dang... I was hoping you did not know of the "Curse of the Red-Shirted Human."



.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KANYE: I'm sorry, but the other Universe....

ARCHER: Your agonizer... hell someone just give me a phase pistol!!!!

 

[Skywalker]

Kanye West: "Yo, Archer, I'm really happy for you--I'mma let you finish--but Garth of Izar was Kirk's greatest childhood hero of all time. Of all time!"

 

[Nebusj]

``And another thing, Captain, the railings on the original episode were clearly polygonal in nature while these are rounded, which compounds the blatant implausibility in supposing that a ship captured by Tholians and being worked on for an uncertain but substantial time would have not bothered to move the deceased crew in a critical area like the bridge even one bit from the locations seen on-screen ---''
``Reed, I'm turning your agonizer up to eleven and I'm never turning it off again.''

``Now, pay attention, class, this is important: when you're fighting a human don't assume they're going to be disoriented from recently shedding their tails. Very few humans ever grow tails. What you'll want to do to subdue them is first secure their arms like this, and then go after their reproductive organs.''
``NOW JUST A MINUTE HERE!''