Caption Contest 117: Up, Up, and Away Mission

[Captain Kathryn]

Greetings Voyager fans!!!!

Hope you all had a very happy new year! Here are the winners of the previous contest and the new captions! I really enjoyed how nearly everyone ragged on poor Harry Kim.

Neelix: Uh oh, I think I misunderstood your phrase about keeping an ace in the hole.

Seven: Captain, I'm having serious doubts about the structural integrity of this hairstyle.

The doctor didn't realize that it wasn't his impassioned speech that was attracting the attentions of the crew, but more the fact that his holomatrix had accidentally formed this morning without putting any fabric on the butt-cheeks of his uniform.

Chakotay: You're absolutely certain that this is the spot
Tuvok: Yes commander, this is where the crew should come when they want to take a dump

COMPUTER (OS): I'm sorry but "brains" is not included in the food replicator's memory bank. Please request a different item.

ANY ONE OF THEM: God, the service on this ship sucks.

Neelix: Well, you got me beat. I've only got two pair. A pair of ones, and another pair of ones.

Harry: "Given that I also have a pair of "ones" in my hand, you sir are cheating."

Neelix over turns the table as Harry goes for his phaser.

(look at Harry's cards)

EMH: Well I think we solved the mystery of the pube in the jelly donut.
Harry: My bad.
Seven: And I thought I had the nanoprobe problem.

NEELIX: So, is this the part when we begin to remove clothing?

Doc: Here's an extra pip. If you want it, you have to strip down and play a Klingon Opera with that clarinet of yours.

--

New captions for your amusement! Have a rollicking good time~!

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the win

Chakotay: *puckers*

Janeway: You aren't supposed to let me see you crossing your fingers. You aren't get any tonight.

 

[2takesfrakes]

"Tom, I warned you: I'm still mad at you. I don't want you holding my hand, or touching me, or else you're going to get bit. You can stay close to me, though, so I can keep an eye on you ... and maybe I'll forgive you, later."

 

[2takesfrakes]

"... Brother, can you spare a dime?"

 

[2takesfrakes]

Coming Soon: SUGARDADDY II: Caravan of Courage

 

[bbjeg]

Tuvok: Did we really lose the ship to the Kazon? Those in favor of letting the Maquis run things say Aye.
Everyone including Janeway: Aye!

 

[hux]

Thanks for the win

Chakotay: We met in the future
Braxton: You mean the past
Janeway: Oh god i'm so bored of this time crap....lets just find a bar and get wasted

Torres: Before you Tom, there were only four other crew members i'd slept with
Paris: Which ones
Torres: Not important....just don't turn around

Tuvok: Is that rock looking at me funny....you want some!
Janeway: Leave it Tuvok, he's not worth it

Chakotay: One in the front, one in the back....what do you say?
Janeway: I'm thinking

Janeway: Shouldn't this caption have been used in December
Da Vinci: Why....oh right, cos i look like santa...yeah you're right....Captain Kathryn really dropped the ball there didn't she

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Janeway: Tuvok, pull back and let Ensign Kim take point. I don't want to take any chance that I will be stuck alone on this planet with him.
Chakotay: I'm right behind you, Kathryn.

 

[SpocksLeftEar]

B'Elanna: You can make whistling sounds with your hands as long as you want, I can still hear you farting.

 

[Captain Kathryn]

Janeway: Shouldn't this caption have been used in December
Da Vinci: Why....oh right, cos i look like santa...yeah you're right....Captain Kathryn really dropped the ball there didn't she

Hey now...my Christmas tree is still up!

 

[JanewayRulz!]

Old man: I'm YOU from the future, Chakotay. "This" is what happens when you don't cowboy up in the Delta Quadrant and ask Kathryn out for a proper date before you returned home and her options opened up.
Kathryn: Options? Who did I pick when I had options?

B'Elanna: How long do you think Tuvok watched us before he beamed us back?
Tom: Coff. Coff. Lets just hope he erased the tape or else "Mornings with Neelix" will be X rated.

Janeway: (Thinks to herself) Why do the guys all get spears and I'm stuck with a rock?

Chakotay: I do this every night, hoping one of us gets lucky.
Kathryn: One of us?
Chakotay: Well, there's you, me and the monkey.

Janeway: I never DREAMED that flying could be this much fun!
DaVinci: Stick with me, kiddo and I'll show you wonders you never dreamed existed.
Janeway: Doctor... have you infiltrated my holoprogram again?

 

[Nerys Myk]

NEELIX: Uh, guys...

JANEWAY: Not now Neelix! We've got to find that Gorn!

 

[Captain Kathryn]

We got some new captioner people! yay!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

DaVinci: What is this "mile high club" of which you speak, Kathryn?

Chakotay: We've come from the future, and we're here to tell you that your duck calls don't work.

 

[LeadHead]

Paris: (thinking) Is she literally giving me a cold shoulder?

Tuvok: Captain, may I request that the next time you plan a camping trip, that you allow us to stop you?

Janeway: Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Leonardo: We haven't taken of yet Katarina.....

 

[JirinPanthosa]

BRAXTON: I've come from the future, to warn you about a man named JJ Abrams.

TORRES: I don't know why the temperature controls keep failing.
PARIS: *ahem* It's a complete mystery. Hey, I have a way we can keep each other warm.

TUVOK: Seriously, Seska programmed a Hunger Games evil holoprogram to trap us in too? How did this woman have so much free time in the ten weeks she was here?

JANEWAY: You know, I'm starting to think neither of us really had a disease. What could possibly strike just the two of us and nobody else anyway? It's not like the two of us go on away missions by ourselves.
CHAKOTAY: Don't worry about that. Hey, wanna get it on?

DAVINCI HOLOGRAM: I get it now. Your deepest fantasies are to be loved by a great historical celebrity, that's why you created me.
JANEWAY: Tell me I'm good.

 

[Avro Arrow]

Janeway: Gandalf!? I think we're in the wrong holonovel, Chakotay.

Paris: It's freezing down here! We need to head back to Voyager.
Torres: You know the rules. Janeway won't let you fly the shuttle until...
Paris: I know, I know! OK, I don't smell anything on my breath... hand me that breathalyzer and let's get this over with!

Chakotay: Worst. Conga line. Ever.

Janeway: This is amazing! But how do we land?
Leonardo: I knew I forgot something...

 

[Finn]

Captain's Log: We discovered where Santa Claus spends his time after Christmas- a Delta Quadrant planet with a city that resembles Los Angeles during the end of the 20th Century. To think, my sister Phoebe thought he had a place in Baja California when we were kids.

 

[Nerys Myk]

BRAXTON: That's one of worst tats I've ever seen. 'Get that in prison?

CHAKOTAY: No, it is a symbol of my tribe....aw, hell. You're right, I got it in prison. I'm not even an Indian!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

B'ELANA: I told you your MMOPorn game wouldn't get any subscribers.
PARIS: I don't understand it. I ran ads on TrekBBS! I assumed Trekkies would click anything with giant breasts and a lot of skin, especially if it's presented misogynistically.
B'ELANA: Serves you right for stereotyping.