Episode 132 season 6 # 20
"Soul Possession"
ACT III begins
"The night of the iguana" this aint... but this movie quote pretty much sums up THIS TV episode! The Fantastic and the Realistic are the two levels upon which we live.
Ares: (Typical!) “What say we skip right to the honeymoon?”
http://mikes-images.com/eps/sp/pages/sp_mq_191cd.htm
Xena: “Wouldn’t wanna
ruin your appetite.”
http://miroirdarc.com/xwp/s6/sp/xena_s6_sp_dArc_565.jpg
Ares: “You won’t regret this, I promise you, Xena. So... I guess we should discuss
China. What do you want? The North, the South? I’m easy.”
Xena: “I don’t want your assets, Ares.. but I do have one small
demand for our wedding day.”
Ares: “Name it.”
http://mikes-images.com/eps/sp/pages/sp_mq_199cd.htm
Xena: “I want the ceremony to take place at the lava pit.”
http://miroirdarc.com/xwp/s6/sp/xena_s6_sp_dArc_559.jpg
Ares: “Where Gabrielle died? Kind of morbid, don’t you think?”
Xena: “No, I think it’s
fitting. I should be as close as possible to the
one person in the world I
meant to spend the rest of my life with... as I give myself over to the one person in the world...
I would never choose.”
SNAP!!!! Ouch!
http://mikes-images.com/eps/sp/pages/sp_mq_201cd.htm
Ares: “I know what this is prewedding jitters. All brides get ’em.
[Exhales] OK-- you can have your fairy-tale wedding, Xena. Well, I gotta go break it to the folks. Can you imagine?
Zeus, and Hera are gonna be your
in-laws.”
[Scoffs as he winks away]
http://miroirdarc.com/xwp/s6/sp/xena_s6_sp_dArc_568.jpg
Xena: (Rolls her baby blues) “Just when you thought it couldn’t get
any worse.”
****
Scene switches from night in the forest... to afterhours in an empty tavern. Joxer is sitting alone at a table.
http://mikes-images.com/eps/sp/pages/sp_mq_204cd.htm
Joxer: [Clears throat] “Ares,
show yourself! Ares,
I, Joxer the Mighty,
command you to show yourself!
And now, proof positive that Dr Delaney in the 21st century was WRONG when he said Joxer never flexed a heroic muscle in his entire life!!!!
Joxer: "Hey, Jelly-Butt, get down here!"
http://mikes-images.com/eps/sp/pages/sp_mq_206cd.htm
and suddenly... ARES-GOD OF WAR APPEARS...
Joxer: Ah-h-h-h-h! Ooh-h!
Uh!”
Ares: [Laughs]
Joxer: (God laughing = good sign in Joxer's world) “Eh-heh.”
Ares: “So tell me
why I
shouldn’t kill you.”
http://mikes-images.com/eps/sp/pages/sp_mq_208cd.htm
Joxer: (God NOT killing YET = even BETTER sign in Joxer's calculus) “Did I say ‘Jelly-Butt’? I meant, uh-- uh--
‘Buns of steel!’" (Did they invent steel yet?) "It’s a good thing you showed up, too.”
Ares: “Showed up? For what?”
Joxer: “Well... this is your last night as
a single god, right?”
Ares: “What?”
And you thought JOXER was slow on the uptake???
http://mikes-images.com/eps/sp/pages/sp_mq_213cd.htm
Joxer: “Your bachelor party, ya big lug.
[Laughs as he waves at the door and a lovely Greek lady appears] Ta-da-a-a-a-a-a! Mi-i-i-i-iss Athens-- ah-h-h-h-h-h-h-- 36-24-36. She loves Greek mythology... kids... and hopes one day
all men can be brothers.
http://miroirdarc.com/xwp/s6/sp/xena_s6_sp_dArc_608.jpg
The Greek beauty comes to fawn over the God of War as Joxer continues...
http://mikes-images.com/eps/sp/pages/sp_mq_214cd.htm
Joxer: Next we have...
Miss.... Mesopotamia. Ah-h-h-h-- an oasis in the desert.
(Joxer channels Groucho Marx without the eyebrows and glasses and cigar and...)
http://mikes-images.com/eps/sp/pages/sp_mq_217cd.htm
Joxer: 'Wouldn’t you like to take a little dip in that?' Hm-m? Hmm-mm-mmm.
And finally-- you’ll
fall for Miss Gaul.
(OUCH!)
http://mikes-images.com/eps/sp/pages/sp_mq_220cd.htm
Joxer: Ah-h-h-h-h-- too much for the Roman Empire to handle... but not too much for the god ’o war.”
http://mikes-images.com/eps/sp/pages/sp_mq_219cd.htm
http://mikes-images.com/eps/sp/pages/sp_mq_215cd.htm
Joxer watches as all three ladies pander to the war god himself... but Ares ain't buying what Joxer's selling.
Ares: “
This is it?”
http://mikes-images.com/eps/sp/pages/sp_mq_222cd.htm
Joxer: “Well, on--
short notice-- ya-- you know how it is?”
Ares: (To the ladies orbiting his aura) “Blow.”
Girls: “Oh-h!”
They don't take the hint... so....
http://mikes-images.com/eps/sp/pages/sp_mq_224cd.htm
Ares: “Am-scray.”
Girls: “Uh.” “Hm-m-m.”
and awayyyyy they go! Huzzah!
Ares: “You
honestly thought that you’d
con me out of marrying Xena with this-this--
fistful of harlots? You know what? I got a prenup to sign.”
[Clucks as he turns to wink away]
Joxer: “W-w-w-w-w-wait! There’s more. Heh-heh.
[Whistles] Savin’ the best for last! Got a sweet tooth? You like baklava?
http://mikes-images.com/eps/sp/pages/sp_mq_228cd.htm
Joxer: "Here’s three more layers of pure delight. Bite into this delicacy and
it may bite back. And that’s a good thing. Heh-heh.”
A cake is wheeled into the tavern, and out from its empty center jumps an airhead that is rivaled only by the party planner himself!
http://mikes-images.com/eps/sp/pages/sp_mq_230cd.htm
Meg: “Ye-e-e-e-e-e-hah-h-h-h-h!”
http://mikes-images.com/eps/sp/pages/sp_mq_233cd.htm
Joxer: (He's laughing at Ares because he hasn't seen WHO umped out of the cake, yet.) “Heh-heh-heh-heh--
(Its "yet" time, as he turns to look at the woman in the whipped cream bikini) "oh!”
http://miroirdarc.com/xwp/s6/sp_2/xena_s6_sp_dArc_691.jpg
Meg:[Sings as she rotates around in the confined space of the three layers cake] “Who’s my little bubba?
My little bubba?
Who’s my little bubba?
Ka-chookie-chookie-chookie-chookie.
http://mikes-images.com/eps/sp/pages/sp_mq_235cd.htm
Meg: [Speaks... her HEART means well, but her spelling isn't up to the task as ARES looks at her with a mixture of lust and confusion]
“Give me an A! A!
Give me an R! R!
Give me an S!
S!
Give me an E!
E!
Whaddya got? Go-o-o-o-o-o Ar
es!”
Joxer: “Meg!”
This ISN'T the time to go all puritanical on us, big boy!
Meg: [Whispers, a touch of embarrassment?] “Joxer.”
http://mikes-images.com/eps/sp/pages/sp_mq_237cd.htm
Talk about the quickest way to kill a wargod's "mood"... "JOXER!"
Ares: (Confusion reigns!) “Who’s
Meg?”
Joxer: “Uh-uh-uh-- it’s a-a fr-friend. Heh-heh.”
In that highpitched almost baby speak she does so "well" she leans over the edge of the cake to gaze into Joxer's eyes...
Meg: “A very
good friend.”
http://mikes-images.com/eps/sp/pages/sp_mq_240cd.htm
Joxer: (McDreamy is mesmerized by the lady in the 2 piece whipped cream outfit) “Yeah.”
Ares: “I’m outta here.”
http://miroirdarc.com/xwp/s6/sp_2/xena_s6_sp_dArc_715.jpg
And THIS time he makes good on his threat and winks away!
DANGER, Will Robinson, DANGER!!!!
Joxer: “
No! No-no! No! No-o-o-o-o!”
http://mikes-images.com/eps/sp/pages/sp_mq_239cd.htm
Ares is history!
Meg: “Ya know what? I’m cookin’ in here. I need som’in’ to wet my whistle.”
Joxer: (He hands her his personal flask of hard alcohol.) “Try that.”
http://mikes-images.com/eps/sp/pages/sp_mq_241cd.htm
Meg: (She accepts readily and...) “Thanks.”
(Takes a big gulp!)
Joxer: “
Hey-- what’s with this whole cake thing?”
Meg: “Well, I needed a way to earn a few extra dinars.”
http://mikes-images.com/eps/sp/pages/sp_mq_243cd.htm
Joxer: (The wheels, they are 'a-turning' in that Mighty head! ) “Mm-m-m-m.”
Meg: “What do you think?”
She's indicating her whipped cream brassiere and he drags a finger through it to taste it.
Joxer: “Banana cream.
My favorite.”
Meg: “Mm-m-m-m-m.”
Joxer: ('Foreshadowing' for season 5!) “You know? A classy lady like you shouldn’t be here. I’m gonna take you away from all this.”
http://mikes-images.com/eps/sp/pages/sp_mq_245cd.htm
Meg: (Can't tell if she's happy or not at the prospect) “You are?”
http://miroirdarc.com/xwp/s6/sp_2/xena_s6_sp_dArc_741.jpg
Joxer: (He leans on an elbow and takes a swig from his own flask) “Yeah.”
Meg: (ohhh, now we see. The airhead has been DISS'ED in the past by one not so mighty fella!) “Well, what happened to your other good friend--
Gabrielle?”
Joxer: “Oh, her? Haven’t you heard?
She’s dead.”
http://mikes-images.com/eps/sp/pages/sp_mq_247cd.htm
Meg: “I’ll
drink to that.”
Joxer: (Nearly shouts!) “Can’t you see I’m grieving here?”
Meg: “Well, sorry, Babycakes, but dead is dead. Can’t change that.”
Joxer: “No-- but
I can try.”
(and he turns to run away)
Say it with me people... YES YOU CAN!
Meg: (Standing upright in the cake, pointing to the garnish upon her whipped cream bra...) “Hey, wait a minute! These cherries cost
5 dinars a bushel!”
http://miroirdarc.com/xwp/s6/sp_2/xena_s6_sp_dArc_757.jpg
ACT III continues...