Episode 132 season 6 #20 "Soul Possession".
ACT I
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Barb Binder: “Barb Binder from Whoosh. As webmaster of the official Xena fansite
I happen to
know Xena would
never subscribe to the subjugating regime of marriage.”
Reporter: “And wasn’t Ares her most reviled enemy?”
Mistress of Ceremonies: “We’ll field all questions and comments after Dr. Delaney is finished. Now, please? Let him continue.”
Dr. Delaney: “The scroll includes a contract between Xena and Ares, with an
accompanying story, which supports our theory, that it is indeed a marriage license between the two. Now, the timeframe of the story places it after Gabrielle, and her evil daughter, Hope, seemingly perish, after falling into a lava pit.”
FLASHBACK BEGINS:
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Gabrielle: “Hope!”
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Xena: “Ahhhhhhh!
Gabrielle!”
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Gabrielle: “Xenaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”
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FLASHBACK ENDS:
Dr. Delaney: “As we saw in the scroll entitled, ‘Adventures in the Sin Trade II’ upon looking for Gabrielle in the Amazon land of the dead, Xena received a vision from her enemy, Alti-- which convinced Xena that Gabrielle was still alive.”
FLASHBACK BEGINS:
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Xena: “Gabrielle-- you’re the best thing in my life.”
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Gabrielle: “I love you, Xena.”
FLASHBACK ENDS:
Dr. Delaney: “This new scroll accounts for the missing time between Xena receiving the vision and her finally finding Gabrielle. Our story begins as
Xena rides away from the Amazon land of the dead with new hope that Gabrielle is still alive.
Joxer still in the throes of mourning over the loss of Gabrielle taken
to drink.”
We're back in ancient Greece, in a tavern with a drunken Joxer. Soon, Xena strolls in, happy as a clam.
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Joxer: “Oh, hi.”
Xena: “Turn that frown upside down, Mister. It’s a
beautiful morning.”
Joxer: “Well, Xena, in case you didn’t notice, I’m in a different kind of
mourning.”
Xena: “Oh,
how many have you had?”
Joxer: “Just... two.”
(Shows 4 fingers)
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Xena: “All right, it’s time for you to sober up. You don’t want
Gabrielle seeing you this way. She’s
alive.”
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Joxer: (HE's not THAT drunk!) “How do you know?”
Xena: “I had a
vision.”
Joxer: “Oh.
You had a vision.
She had a vision! You know, Xena,
denial ain’t just a river
in Europe.”
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Xena: (She's getting disgusted) “The Nile’s in
Africa.”
Joxer: “It’s
that long?”
Xena: “Joxer!”
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Joxer: ( He's getting angry!) “She’s gone! Nobody can survive that fall.”
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Xena: “All right, if you wanna sit here and drink yourself into oblivion, be my guest. But I’m going out to find
our friend... you big drunk.”
Joxer: “Hey, I’m not drunk. If I were drunk could I do that?”
(He balances a mug of ale on the top of his head/pointed hat.)
Xena: “
Evidently.” (Walks away in a huff)
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Joxer: “If I were drunk could I do this?"
(He tries to dance backwards with ale mug on his head and falls over a table.) "Ow!”
Scene switches: Its still ancient Greece, and Joxer is following Xena through the woods, singing his little broken heart "out".
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Joxer: [Sings] “In Athens fair city, The girls are so pretty.
Just like Molly Polonius.”
Xena: “Watch your step.”
Joxer: [Burps] “Ooh!” [Sings] “I’m-- Joxer the Mighty.
I roam through the countryside.
With Gaby as a sidekick.
Fighting with-- her little stick.”
Joxer: “She
ain’t got no little stick
no more!”
BACK TO THE FUTURE! A question from the audience is directed towards Dr Delaney.
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Annie: “Pardon me. Pardon me.
[Sniffs as she tugs at her lapel ID tag] Uh, Annie Day,
editor-in-chief of the
‘Joxer the Mighty’ quarterly.”
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Dr. Delaney: “Yes, Miss Day.”
Annie: “Well, as one of the world’s top experts in Joxer the Mighty studies-- I think that I can throw some light on this new scroll thing. See, once again, it appears that someone--”
XenaFan 2: (Hiding in the back so security won't toss them again, grabs her fellow Xenite's attention) “Hey,
that’s that broad who discovered she was
Joxer in a previous life.”
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Annie: “I have a point of clarification.”
(I think Annie Day is my favorite NONXena character that Lucy does in this show.)
Dr. Delaney: “All right.”
Annie: “Well, I’m afraid that your version of events is, in fact,
spurious. From my research, I have ascertained that it was indeed
Joxer, who initiated the heroic search for Gabrielle and it was indeed
he... it was
he who pulled
Xena out of the drunken stupor.”
(She looks quite pleased with herself.)
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Dr. Delaney: (Smug SOB!) “No that’s
inaccurate, Miss Day. From my research on all the Xena scrolls, I can assure you that Joxer,
never once flexed a heroic muscle.”
(The specialist from C.H.A.K.R.A.M. obviously didn't read the scroll from season 5 called CHAKRAM)
Man’s Voice: “Thank you very much.”
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Dr. Delaney: “Now, please sit down, Miss Day?
Thank you.”
Mistress of Ceremonies: “At this time we’ll take a short break and reconvene in a few moments. You’ll find coffee in the lobby.”
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XenaFan 1: (Sneaks up to pester Annie as everyone else leaves the conference room) “Hey. Hey how did you get over the horror of finding out you were that bumbling idiot, Joxer?”
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Annie: “Hey, Joxer was no fool. The guy they got to play him was a
goofball, that’s all. He was the
producer’s brother, for crying out loud!”
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XenaFan 2: “At least you got to hang out with Xena and Gabby in a past life. We can’t lay claim to anything that cool. Hey, speaking of the Warrior Princess and the bard... what happened when
your boyfriend Harry found out
he was Xena in his past life?”
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XenaFan 1: “And that your
past-life counselor was none other than his beloved sidekick
Gabrielle?”
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Annie: (Chin quivering) “They got
hitched.”
XenaFan 1: “Decent! Xena and Gabby,
finally a couple.”
XenaFan 2: “Wait till we tell the rest of the fans.”
XenaFan 1: “Yeah.” [They do the Xena Yell as they lock elbows.] AIYIYIYIYIYI
Annie: [Crying into her lap after they leave.] “But I
read his scrolls.”
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ACT I Continues:
Rob Tapert on the fans of XWP: