Am I a Stoic or a Pussy?(Rant)

[The Boy Who Cried Worf]

Thanks for the support everyone. I never like to argue with people because I always think it is a he said/she said situation and everyone has there point of view. But apparently I am not alone in my opinion. Everyone was telling me today to not take it personally and he is a jerk to everyone. I definitely feel now that he seems to be going out of his way to be rude and unhelpful. For example there are times I have to fill a prescription for a schedule 2 controlled substance. Usually I bring the prescription to the head pharmacist who looks at the prescription, goes to the safe, opens it up and sees if we have the med, and then gives me the bottle so I can fill the prescription from the NDC number on the bottle. Yesterday I brought a C2 prescription to this guy whose response was "well look it up in the book that's what it's there for". No one has ever explained to me how the C2 book works. He tells me I need to show initiative. Today somebody asked me to do something I have done dozens of times before. Before I get across the room he publicly announces, "no i don't want him entering anything he'll just make mistakes". It got to the point where if I did something he berated me for doing something I shouldn't have been doing. If I did nothing he berated me for not doing something. I only have a week left on my externship so I have basically reconciled myself to grin and bear it. I did write my college just to let them know of the situation. Being a quiet person i have had too many experiences with working hard, having it go unnoticed and then being defined by somebody who complains the loudest about you.

I guess I wish I could feel like I am being dignified and diligent in keeping my mouth shut and doing my work. But I can't help feel would a "real man" take this kind of attitude. Would Tony Soprano take this? Social anxiety can make you feel a terrible coward so much of the time. All I want out of this is to work again in a nice job where I can help people and feel like i am doing something. I just don't want that hope dashed.

 

[Kestra]

But I can't help feel would a "real man" take this kind of attitude.

It's not about what a "real man" would do. It's about being true to your own values and staying strong about that. Do you think you should have handled the situation differently? Did you do what you believed to be the right thing? It can be good to see how we measure up against others as a frame of reference, but ultimately you need to measure up to your own values.

 

[The Boy Who Cried Worf]

Rageforthemachine, I don't know you or your background, but I'm going to offer you my take on these things.

Until today. One of the pharmacists I don't usually interact with was there. The whole thing started with me asking a simple question and started snowballing. He told me to not bother him with my little questions and to go away.

How much training have you had? If it was a simple question, as you said, shouldn't you have known the answer?

I was a little taken aback and a little flustered.

This got you worked up??? Wait until you have a customer complaining and cussing at you for not giving them 'Drug X'.




Makes some smart business sense. It also allows you to get practical experience about "the real world".



If you are handling my medicine, do you think I am going to care if you had a bad day? If you make a mistake with someone's medicine, do you think they will forgive you because you had a bad day? What if you killed someone by mixing something wrong? What type of bad day would you have then?

I wanted to run out of there. I wanted to explode. I wanted to break down and cry. He starts talking about me like I am not there. I want to attack him. But I didn't I stood there silently and eventually resumed my tasks. I then spent the next six hours calmly doing my work in silence.

So you felt bad after someone pointed out your mistakes in a pharmacy. Again, wait until a customer calls your mother a crack whore, your father a horsefucker, and tells you that you are the reason all the children are going to burn in hell all because you didn't make them happy. How will that affect your performance? (And yes, I've had customers tell me those things before.)

And then I watched thei pharmacist go out of his way to tutor the other(all female) students and continue to give me rude responses when I asked simple questions. I even apologzed and the end of the day. He wasn't rude, but he wasn't terribly interested in what I had to say.

Yeah, people get different treatment because of any number of factors. Not always fair, but it is life.


Now again, take all of this for what it is worth. A random guy on an internet message board that knows nothing about you, has his own opinions, and has worked in the retail industry for eleven soul-crushing years.

No, I know where you're coming from and I don't disagree. But like the first quote above. The simple question was I wanted to get the dosage right on some Vicodin so I wasn't overdosing someone. It would have taken 5 seconds to look and answer. And he tells me not to bother him with my little questions? That''s not somebody being very helpful to me or the customers. That's my problem with the guy. He basically can't be bothered to turn his head long enough to help me when I need it and then berates me when something goes wrong. I ask him questions and I get rude responses.

Oh and I am not denying at all that I have mental and emotional problems. Always have. I am about as unstable as a stable person can be. That's why I am on three psych meds right now(none of them work very well, but I am on em)

 

[JonathonWally]

Thanks for the support everyone. I never like to argue with people because I always think it is a he said/she said situation and everyone has there point of view. But apparently I am not alone in my opinion. Everyone was telling me today to not take it personally and he is a jerk to everyone. I definitely feel now that he seems to be going out of his way to be rude and unhelpful. For example there are times I have to fill a prescription for a schedule 2 controlled substance. Usually I bring the prescription to the head pharmacist who looks at the prescription, goes to the safe, opens it up and sees if we have the med, and then gives me the bottle so I can fill the prescription from the NDC number on the bottle. Yesterday I brought a C2 prescription to this guy whose response was "well look it up in the book that's what it's there for". No one has ever explained to me how the C2 book works. He tells me I need to show initiative. Today somebody asked me to do something I have done dozens of times before. Before I get across the room he publicly announces, "no i don't want him entering anything he'll just make mistakes". It got to the point where if I did something he berated me for doing something I shouldn't have been doing. If I did nothing he berated me for not doing something. I only have a week left on my externship so I have basically reconciled myself to grin and bear it. I did write my college just to let them know of the situation. Being a quiet person i have had too many experiences with working hard, having it go unnoticed and then being defined by somebody who complains the loudest about you.

I guess I wish I could feel like I am being dignified and diligent in keeping my mouth shut and doing my work. But I can't help feel would a "real man" take this kind of attitude. Would Tony Soprano take this? Social anxiety can make you feel a terrible coward so much of the time. All I want out of this is to work again in a nice job where I can help people and feel like i am doing something. I just don't want that hope dashed.

It's a lose/lose situation and he knows it, that's why he's doing it. He has a suck life, hates his job and he's amusing himself by knowingly setting you up to fail no matter what.

Don't worry about what Tony would do, you need the job so you just have to take it for another week.

The only advice I could give you beyond that, would be antogonistic, forcing him to physically attack you after you publically humiliate him. But I'm a very confrontational person. If you're not, it wouldn't be a good idea.

I've worked for people like him in the past. Once was in retail, he did it to all most of the guys who worked in our store so he could look "powerful" in front of the girls. One night after we closed, I antagonized the fuck out of him to the point where he attacked me.

I don't recommend doing that if you're not me though.

If you have a good read on him, and he strikes you as homophobic, act flamingly gay and call him sweetheart and cupcake and act like you're flirting with him.

 

[The Boy Who Cried Worf]

But I can't help feel would a "real man" take this kind of attitude.

It's not about what a "real man" would do. It's about being true to your own values and staying strong about that. Do you think you should have handled the situation differently? Did you do what you believed to be the right thing? It can be good to see how we measure up against others as a frame of reference, but ultimately you need to measure up to your own values.

I usually take a far more generalized(and of course extremely unhelpful) view of things. Basically saying if I was a real man in the first place and all along I wouldn't be in this position to begin with. I'd be having a completely different life. Yes I know that is hardly productive to anything.

I don't know. Part of me says yes at at least one point I should have gotten in this guys face and told him to not talk about me as if I wasn't there and be man enough to say these things to my face. But I don't know. Part of me says that if I had practiced that attitude all through my life I would be a lot farther in life. Another part of me says that attitude will make my life a lot more messy, get me into more fist fights, and basically wear me out. I don't like verbal confrontation. Hell I don't like arguing in TNZ. It always seems pointless to me. I know there is probably a happy middle somewhere. I also know I am not there to prove I am a man by yelling at people, but to prove I am a man by getting a good job and building a good life with my girlfriend. There have just been so many of these instances in my life where I feel like a child, powerless and at someone's mercy unable or unwilling to fight back. I honestly don't know if it would be better to continue being the nice guy pushover that I am or just go around with a big fuck you to everyone and everything.

 

[JonathonWally]

I honestly don't know if it would be better to continue being the nice guy pushover that I am or just go around with a big fuck you to everyone and everything.

Somewhere in the middle. You be a nice guy, but when someone fucks with you, that's when you step up.

Seriously, once you realize the majority of people don't actually want to fight, they just want to see how far they can get before you push back.

If it makes you feel better, it's only hard work and emotionally draining the first few times you have to do this. Once it becomes second nature to have to "step up" you don't even pay attention to it anymore.

This isn't even "macho shit" I mean, I'm born and raised in the greater NYC area, people around here really are douchbags, you learn not to take shit personally and where your "asshole boundry" is.

 

[Kestra]

JW's got some solid advice. You also might want to stop connecting everything. This guy doesn't need to represent every person who has ever wronged you, or you have never stood up to. One bad day does not need to be tied to all your past and current guilt and insecurities. Take things for what they are, no more and no less. You'll never get past your issues if you inject them into every negative situation.

 

[Deckerd]

The Wally is wise.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

But I can't help feel would a "real man" take this kind of attitude.

It's not about what a "real man" would do. It's about being true to your own values and staying strong about that. Do you think you should have handled the situation differently? Did you do what you believed to be the right thing? It can be good to see how we measure up against others as a frame of reference, but ultimately you need to measure up to your own values.

I usually take a far more generalized(and of course extremely unhelpful) view of things. Basically saying if I was a real man in the first place and all along I wouldn't be in this position to begin with. I'd be having a completely different life. Yes I know that is hardly productive to anything.

I don't know. Part of me says yes at at least one point I should have gotten in this guys face and told him to not talk about me as if I wasn't there and be man enough to say these things to my face. But I don't know. Part of me says that if I had practiced that attitude all through my life I would be a lot farther in life. Another part of me says that attitude will make my life a lot more messy, get me into more fist fights, and basically wear me out. I don't like verbal confrontation. Hell I don't like arguing in TNZ. It always seems pointless to me. I know there is probably a happy middle somewhere. I also know I am not there to prove I am a man by yelling at people, but to prove I am a man by getting a good job and building a good life with my girlfriend. There have just been so many of these instances in my life where I feel like a child, powerless and at someone's mercy unable or unwilling to fight back. I honestly don't know if it would be better to continue being the nice guy pushover that I am or just go around with a big fuck you to everyone and everything.

Well, the first thing you should do, my friend, is let go of this idea that you have to "man up" or "be a "real" man" (whatever that is). I know your culture still has a lot of these customs in place, but they really aren't at all helpful. You shouldn't spend your life trying to live up to some old-fashioned standard that condemns you simply for not conforming to a set of emotional or behavioural codes. I mean, I'm not trying to be rude here, but you say you have to "prove you're a man" by "getting a good job". Would you therfore say your girlfriend should "prove she's a real woman by staying at home with the children?" What does your sex have to do with dictating your life and values and priorities? The sooner people learn to just ignore these ideas, the happier they'll be. As for your actual problem, a lot of people here have given good advice. What you do is entirely up to you, but I really, really would suggest in the strongest terms you don't spend your life condemning yourself for failing to measure up to some outdated and restrictive assumption as to who and what you should be.

 

[FordSVT]

Well, the first thing you should do, my friend, is let go of this idea that you have to "man up" or "be a "real" man" (whatever that is). I know your culture still has a lot of these customs in place, but they really aren't at all helpful. You shouldn't spend your life trying to live up to some old-fashioned standard that condemns you simply for not conforming to a set of emotional or behavioural codes.

When "keeping it real" goes wrong....

 

[Mr Awe]

Hubby got tired of the drama. Last time we were there, literally 8 or 9 non-pharmacy personnel asked him to return.

Alright, just wanted to make sure it wasn't for superficial reasons!

Mr Awe

 

[Mr Awe]

Oh and I am not denying at all that I have mental and emotional problems. Always have. I am about as unstable as a stable person can be. That's why I am on three psych meds right now(none of them work very well, but I am on em)

I want you to succeed. See this as a learning experience. Don't beat yourself up over how you handled this. You've got a week to go. Survive this.

However, you have to prepare yourself for the next time, because there will be a next time.

First thing, you have to strengthen yourself so you won't get all flustered and want to cry. You need to hold yourself together. By your own admission, you got flustered and made mistakes. This gave the guy more ammo against you and led to further incidents.

Second, you need to plan responses to this type of incident. And JW's antogonistic approach is simplistic. In extreme cases, sure but generally not. Usually, you just need a calm, smooth, and, here's the key, authoritative sounding response. Authoritative does not necessarily mean confrontational and you'll come of looking more professional as well.

The key is to prepare in advance so when it happens again, you're not taken off guard. You have a goal and an approach that you have mentally prepared for.

Mr Awe

 

[trampledamage]

Bottom line - you have a week to go of this. Unless there's a possibility of you getting a job there afterwards, I'd suck it up.

When he calls out that he doesn't want you to do something because you'll make mistakes, take a deep breath, keep your voice steady and say "No, that's okay - I've done this before I don't need help." and then just keep going and do it. In other words, deliberately misinterpret what he says as being an offer for help, and politely refuse it. It might be passive-aggressive, but you've got a week to go - you just need to get through it.

Is he the only pharmacist on duty when you're working? Can you get a shift change?

Make sure you have the name of someone else that you can use as a reference for future job applications

 

[The Boy Who Cried Worf]

I had a talk with the head pharmacist tonight the one I work with most of the time. He was critical but honest and I appreciated him for it. I actually feel a little better about things. I am not in danger of failing my externship, but he criticized me directly. My main problem is the usual. My shyness is often perceived as apathy and lack of initiative. The other pharmacist? I only have one more day working with him and I can do it. After that what was so obsessing me the past two days just becomes irrelevant again. The pharmacist even told me tonight it was a good thing that I didn't confront him and kept my composure. I wish I could decide in my mind though if I kept my composure because I am mature and sensible or because I am a coward.

I think after this externship they'll be a lag time while I wait for my license. I really should use it to focus on clarifying what I want in life, addressing my shortcomings, and boning up on pharmacy. I am hoping to start a form of psychotherapy that was actually created to treat chronic depressives. I know it sounds horrible with me being unemployed for so long, but I am not sure I would even want to work in this pharmacy. It seems typical of big chain stores. Employees are underpayed, underappreciated and overworked. I do know there are bigger pictures in life that I have to look at rather than satisfying an immediate need to feel powerful.

 

[The Boy Who Cried Worf]

It's not about what a "real man" would do. It's about being true to your own values and staying strong about that. Do you think you should have handled the situation differently? Did you do what you believed to be the right thing? It can be good to see how we measure up against others as a frame of reference, but ultimately you need to measure up to your own values.

I usually take a far more generalized(and of course extremely unhelpful) view of things. Basically saying if I was a real man in the first place and all along I wouldn't be in this position to begin with. I'd be having a completely different life. Yes I know that is hardly productive to anything.

I don't know. Part of me says yes at at least one point I should have gotten in this guys face and told him to not talk about me as if I wasn't there and be man enough to say these things to my face. But I don't know. Part of me says that if I had practiced that attitude all through my life I would be a lot farther in life. Another part of me says that attitude will make my life a lot more messy, get me into more fist fights, and basically wear me out. I don't like verbal confrontation. Hell I don't like arguing in TNZ. It always seems pointless to me. I know there is probably a happy middle somewhere. I also know I am not there to prove I am a man by yelling at people, but to prove I am a man by getting a good job and building a good life with my girlfriend. There have just been so many of these instances in my life where I feel like a child, powerless and at someone's mercy unable or unwilling to fight back. I honestly don't know if it would be better to continue being the nice guy pushover that I am or just go around with a big fuck you to everyone and everything.

Well, the first thing you should do, my friend, is let go of this idea that you have to "man up" or "be a "real" man" (whatever that is). I know your culture still has a lot of these customs in place, but they really aren't at all helpful. You shouldn't spend your life trying to live up to some old-fashioned standard that condemns you simply for not conforming to a set of emotional or behavioural codes. I mean, I'm not trying to be rude here, but you say you have to "prove you're a man" by "getting a good job". Would you therfore say your girlfriend should "prove she's a real woman by staying at home with the children?" What does your sex have to do with dictating your life and values and priorities? The sooner people learn to just ignore these ideas, the happier they'll be. As for your actual problem, a lot of people here have given good advice. What you do is entirely up to you, but I really, really would suggest in the strongest terms you don't spend your life condemning yourself for failing to measure up to some outdated and restrictive assumption as to who and what you should be.

Actually no. My girlfriend's job is the only thing paying the bills right now and we both hate children.

I do know what people mean about buying into certain roles of malehood though. My father was a man who worked a frustrating job to support three kids, was often berated by my mother, and went around trying to be nice to everyone. I perceived him as weak and a failure and someone I never wanted to be like. He got to spend his last years sitting in a easy chair, being happy that he had a woman who took care of him so well all those years, and when he died literally hundreds of people attended his funeral. If I died tomorrow I don't know if many people would notice. Sometimes it used to enrage my girlfriend that I wouldn't see how much my father was what a man should be. Lately I have been reconsidering it.

 

[RJDiogenes]

^^ That's good. He sounds like he was a nice, caring guy.

 

[Mr Awe]

I had a talk with the head pharmacist tonight the one I work with most of the time. He was critical but honest and I appreciated him for it. I actually feel a little better about things. I am not in danger of failing my externship, but he criticized me directly. My main problem is the usual. My shyness is often perceived as apathy and lack of initiative. The other pharmacist? I only have one more day working with him and I can do it. After that what was so obsessing me the past two days just becomes irrelevant again. The pharmacist even told me tonight it was a good thing that I didn't confront him and kept my composure. I wish I could decide in my mind though if I kept my composure because I am mature and sensible or because I am a coward.

I think after this externship they'll be a lag time while I wait for my license. I really should use it to focus on clarifying what I want in life, addressing my shortcomings, and boning up on pharmacy. I am hoping to start a form of psychotherapy that was actually created to treat chronic depressives. I know it sounds horrible with me being unemployed for so long, but I am not sure I would even want to work in this pharmacy. It seems typical of big chain stores. Employees are underpayed, underappreciated and overworked. I do know there are bigger pictures in life that I have to look at rather than satisfying an immediate need to feel powerful.

It's good that you got some things clarified. And, it sounds like it wasn't unexpected. That you've heard the same things from other people. Independent confirmation of things like that is a good sign that you should be working on these shortcomings.

Try to find ways to get over the shyness and try to find ways to take initiative. The simplist way is just to start small, and practice at it. You don't have to aim for huge, overnight results. Believe it or not, I used to be a bit shit in Junior High School. All I did to change that was try to make conversation with people that I met around. Cashiers, on the street, etc. Just went out of my way to make small talk. Nothing huge. It's free and easy to try on your own. And, before you know it, it becomes a habit.

And then it grows from there.

In this incident, I'm glad you kept your composure. But, you can keep your composure and still have a response. A calm but authoritative response. So, to answer your last question. The fact that you didn't have a response tells me that you kept your composure simply because you didn't have mental wiring to do anything else.

The composure part happened to be correct this time but you didn't have anything else ready. That's what I mean about practicing your responses. Have a variety of responses ready that you can pick and choose from as needed. And, generally speaking, even when compusure is the correct approach, you generally need a response to go with it in order to avoid having the other person or people defining the situation.

Mr Awe

 

[KiraDax]

Oy, I've been there.

If it's any comfort, I think all pharmacy tech program acceptances should come with a disclaimer: 'Students will possibly and in all probability be assigned internships with lazy, jerk-face pharmacists who think better of the dirt under their feet and will be expected to do the most work, take all blame, and receive no credit'.

I survived school and two internships, then promptly threw my certification in the trash and vowed to never, ever work under a pharmacist.

On the positive, at least your 'trainer' didn't bodily shake you. Or stress you out so badly you wrecked running around town doing home deliveries.

Good luck, and try to remember, it isn't you.

 

[freak]

Rage: I think that you handled the situation very maturely..however, getting frustrated and feeling like crying is only going to escalate the situation further. If this person continues to treat you unfairly, I'd definitely report him or her to the proper authorities. Sorry that this has been happening to you!!! It's simply not fair that real life can be like a monkey on your back sometimes!
Like the other posters here, I do agree that this is indeed real life for you and this sort of thing is normal and natural and will happen all the time. All you can do about this situation is take it like a grain of salt and move on to the next thing. You really shouldn't let this situation bother you..believe me I've had more people treat me ten times worse than you have been treated by this dude so I know what it's like to be treated unfairly and can sympathize with your situation. It's definitely hard soaring like an eagle around all these damned turkeys, isn't it?