HOLLISTER : The rules about dinosaurs aboard JMC mining ships are very clear. No pets.
Am I right? Am I right!?
RIMMER, LISTER : Yes, sir.
HOLLISTER: Have you any idea the damage that thing has caused?
RIMMER, LISTER: No, sir.
HOLLISTER: It has eaten our entire supply – two and a half tons – of mint-choc ice cream. I *love* mint-choc ice cream, and that damn dino has eaten every last bit.
RIMMER: We were just trying to get the Time Wand back, sir.
HOLLISTER: It has also eaten four hundred crates of orange ice-pops, and drank all the Coca-Cola. Guess what?
RIMMER: You love orange ice-pops and Coca-Cola, sir?
HOLLISTER: I love orange ice-pops and Coca-Cola.
LISTER: Sir, if you could just let us –
HOLLISTER: And do you know what happens when a dinosaur eats cow vindaloo, and then eats two and a half tons of mint-choc ice cream, followed by four hundred crates of orange ice-pops, and swills the whole thing down with two thousand gallons of a popular fizzy drink? Do you know what happens?
LISTER: It burps?
HOLLISTER: Oh, it burps. And do you know what happened to the poor brave men who had the misfortune to get in the way of that burp?
RIMMER: They went ‘phwoooarrr!’?
HOLLISTER: It took out the entire platoon, hurling them twenty feet across the cargo bay wall.
RIMMER: Sir, I hope this one, small dinosaur incident won’t tarnish an otherwise flawless service record, sir.
HOLLISTER: Do you know what happens when a dinosaur eats cow vindaloo, two and a half tons of mint-choc ice cream, followed by four hundred crates of orange ice-pops, and swills it all down with two thousand gallons of a popular fizzy drink, *after* it’s burped?
RIMMER: It feels sick?
HOLLISTER: Oh no! It doesn’t *feel* sick, Rimmer – it *is* sick! Five of our best men nearly drowned! Two others are in hospital, concussed by pieces of carrot the size of tree trunks.
LISTER: We are really, deeply, deeply, deeply sorry, sir.
HOLLISTER: Do you know what happens when a dinosaur has eaten cow vindaloo, then eats two and a half tons of mint-choc ice cream, followed by –
LISTER: Oh god, it didn’t?
HOLLISTER: It didn’t what, Lister?
LISTER: It didn’t get a diarrhea attack, did it?
HOLLISTER: One hundred percent correct! And, do you know what happened to the battalion that was sneaking up on the beast – from behind – of which I was a proud member? Do ya know? Do ya know what happened?
RIMMER: Got a fair idea, sir.
LISTER: Yes, sir. A fair idea, sir.
HOLLISTER: A tidal wave. Fifteen feet high. I will be in therapy for the rest of my life. I’ve had twelve baths, and three showers.
Now, do you have *anything* to say?
RIMMER: Yes, sir, I think you missed a bit up your left nostril, sir.
[HOLLISTER picks up the Time Wand from his desk]
HOLLISTER: No one knows how to work this thing.It is sedated in the cargo bay – turn it back into a sparrow!
LISTER: Sir, erm, what about Bob? Did he show up?
HOLLISTER: Who the hell do you think landed on my head? He is in repairs, being oiled.
Bring back the sparrow, and, if you try anything smart, you’re dead.
RIMMER, LISTER: Yes, sir.
HOLLISTER: And, if I ever, ever, *ever*, see you in this office again, you are finished. See ya in ten minutes?
[LISTER zaps HOLLISTER with the Time Wand]
HOLLISTER: See ya in ten minutes?
[LISTER zaps HOLLISTER with the Time Wand]
HOLLISTER: See ya in ten minutes?
[LISTER zaps HOLLISTER with the Time Wand]
HOLLISTER: See ya in ten minutes?
[LISTER zaps HOLLISTER with the Time Wand]
HOLLISTER: See ya in ten minutes?
[LISTER zaps HOLLISTER with the Time Wand]
HOLLISTER: See ya in ten minutes?