Holly :”I have to admit it… I flamingoed up. It’s like a cock-up, only much much bigger.”
All things RED Dwarf
- Thread starter Toril Toran
- Start date
“If you’re god, I’ve got to ask you the ultimate question: why that face?!”
“What’s wrong with me face?”
“It’s upsidedown and inside out that’s what’s wrong with it!”
“What’s wrong with me face?”
“It’s upsidedown and inside out that’s what’s wrong with it!”
Lister : “Kryten, concentrate. What is it?”
Kryten : “It’s a banana. It always has been a banana, it always will be a banana. It is a fruit where you unzip it and eat the white bit. It’s a banana.”
(Camille)
Kryten : “It’s a banana. It always has been a banana, it always will be a banana. It is a fruit where you unzip it and eat the white bit. It’s a banana.”
(Camille)
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Drop dead, Rimmer!
Already have done.
Encore!
Already have done.
Encore!
Holly: “It’s gone. The whole solar system has been half-inched. Wait a mo. Sorry. I was looking out the wrong window.”
(Holly Hop)
(Holly Hop)
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Last time I failed by the narrowest of narrow margins!
You what? You went in there, wrote ‘I am a fish’ four-thousand times, did a funny little dance and fainted!
You what? You went in there, wrote ‘I am a fish’ four-thousand times, did a funny little dance and fainted!
Rimmer: “It’s my duty. My duty as a complete and utter bastard.”
(Time Slides)
This is a confession of his bastard-dom.
(Time Slides)
This is a confession of his bastard-dom.
RIMMER: Sir, I wish to place on record that third technician Lister, David--
CAPTAIN: Get on with it, Rimmer.
RIMMER: --smuggled aboard the mining vessel Red Dwarf a consignment of a hallucinogenic fungi "Titan Mushrooms," more popularly known to the Space Beatnik community as "Freaky Fungus."
CAPTAIN: Is this true?
LISTER: Erm, sort of.
RIMMER: And on the morning of Febuary the 26th, at 0800 hrs, did engage in conversation with second technician Rimmer, Arnold J.--
CAPTAIN: For crying out loud, Rimmer!
RIMMER: --the outcome of which was a proposal by the aforementioned Lister to the aforementioned Rimmer to cook him breakfast.
CAPTAIN: Okay, I'm getting the picture.
RIMMER: Breakfast comprised of two eggs, three rashers of bacon, a grilled tomato, two sausages, a small portion of fried potatoes... and a large quantity of mushrooms. Having consumed this repast, second technician Rimmer, Arnold J. experienced what can only be described as a voyage to trip-out city. To whit, a major hallucinogenic fit.
CAPTAIN: Lister, is this true?
LISTER: No, sir. I'm sure it was only one egg.
RIMMER: The aforementioned Rimmer, to whit, me, then attended inspection parade. He was totally naked except for a pair of mock-leather driving gloves and some blue swimming goggles. Under the influence of this psychadelic breakfast he went on to attack two senior officers, believing them to be giraffes who were armed and dangerous.
CAPTAIN: Get on with it, Rimmer.
RIMMER: --smuggled aboard the mining vessel Red Dwarf a consignment of a hallucinogenic fungi "Titan Mushrooms," more popularly known to the Space Beatnik community as "Freaky Fungus."
CAPTAIN: Is this true?
LISTER: Erm, sort of.
RIMMER: And on the morning of Febuary the 26th, at 0800 hrs, did engage in conversation with second technician Rimmer, Arnold J.--
CAPTAIN: For crying out loud, Rimmer!
RIMMER: --the outcome of which was a proposal by the aforementioned Lister to the aforementioned Rimmer to cook him breakfast.
CAPTAIN: Okay, I'm getting the picture.
RIMMER: Breakfast comprised of two eggs, three rashers of bacon, a grilled tomato, two sausages, a small portion of fried potatoes... and a large quantity of mushrooms. Having consumed this repast, second technician Rimmer, Arnold J. experienced what can only be described as a voyage to trip-out city. To whit, a major hallucinogenic fit.
CAPTAIN: Lister, is this true?
LISTER: No, sir. I'm sure it was only one egg.
RIMMER: The aforementioned Rimmer, to whit, me, then attended inspection parade. He was totally naked except for a pair of mock-leather driving gloves and some blue swimming goggles. Under the influence of this psychadelic breakfast he went on to attack two senior officers, believing them to be giraffes who were armed and dangerous.
"...In your own time." 
Hollister: “..and if you ever do anything like this again, you are going to be in serious trouble. Do you understand me?”
Rimmer & Lister: “ Yes sir.”
Hollister :”See you in ten minutes?”
* Lister zaps him with the time wand*
Hollister :”“See you in ten minutes?”
*Lister zaps him with the time wand*
Hollister :” See you in ten minutes?”
(Pete)
Rimmer & Lister: “ Yes sir.”
Hollister :”See you in ten minutes?”
* Lister zaps him with the time wand*
Hollister :”“See you in ten minutes?”
*Lister zaps him with the time wand*
Hollister :” See you in ten minutes?”
(Pete)
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They’re tying someone to a stake… IT’S WINNIE THE POOH!.. He’s refusing the blind fold…
<gunshots>
That is something nobody should ever have to see.
<gunshots>
That is something nobody should ever have to see.
Caligula :"This machine. How does it work?"
Lister :"I don't know. If I did I wouldn't be here."
Caligula :"Very well. If that is the way you want to play it. Rasputin! Bring in the bucket of soapy frogs, and remove his trousers."
Lister :"Hang on. It has something to do with travelling across subspace."
Caligula "Demonstrate."
Lister :" Like I said, I don't really know."
Caligula :"Very well. Rasputin! Bring hither the skin diving suit with the bottom cut out, and unleash the rampant wildebeast."
Lister :"Hang on. I'll try my best. I'll try my best. Just give it here."
Caligula :"Do you think I'm insane?"
Cat :"Should we take a quick vote?""
(Meltdown)
Lister :"I don't know. If I did I wouldn't be here."
Caligula :"Very well. If that is the way you want to play it. Rasputin! Bring in the bucket of soapy frogs, and remove his trousers."
Lister :"Hang on. It has something to do with travelling across subspace."
Caligula "Demonstrate."
Lister :" Like I said, I don't really know."
Caligula :"Very well. Rasputin! Bring hither the skin diving suit with the bottom cut out, and unleash the rampant wildebeast."
Lister :"Hang on. I'll try my best. I'll try my best. Just give it here."
Caligula :"Do you think I'm insane?"
Cat :"Should we take a quick vote?""
(Meltdown)
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What fragrance are you wearing? It’s divine.
WD40
WD40
Kryten :” Give me five.”
Lister :” I can do better than that. I can give you fifteen.”
(The Inquisitor)
Lister :” I can do better than that. I can give you fifteen.”
(The Inquisitor)
I’m so excited all six of my nipples are tingling
Doctor : “ He appears to have six nipples.”
Hollister :”I wonder what the female of the species is like?.”
Cat :”Pretty easy to please in bed. Especially if you play the piano.”
Hollister :”I wonder what the female of the species is like?.”
Cat :”Pretty easy to please in bed. Especially if you play the piano.”
I'm a bit upset that (in the American version) Terry Farrell played the Cat more literally as a cat creature (with fur and a tail).
Because I can absolutely see her roaming around the ship in fancy suits and going "I'm going to eat you little FISHIES...."
Because I can absolutely see her roaming around the ship in fancy suits and going "I'm going to eat you little FISHIES...."
And that was probably the least terrible part of either of the US pilots.I'm a bit upset that (in the American version) Terry Farrell played the Cat more literally as a cat creature (with fur and a tail).
Because I can absolutely see her roaming around the ship in fancy suits and going "I'm going to eat you little FISHIES...."
This is an SOS distress call from the mining ship Red Dwarf.
The crew are dead, killed by a radiation leak.
The only survivors were Dave Lister, who was in suspended animation during the disaster, and his pregnant cat, who was safely sealed in the hold.
Revived three million years later, Lister's only companions are a life form who evolved from his cat, and Arnold Rimmer, a hologram simulation of one of the dead crew.
I am Holly, the ship's computer, with an IQ of 6,000, the same IQ as 6,000 PE teachers.
The crew are dead, killed by a radiation leak.
The only survivors were Dave Lister, who was in suspended animation during the disaster, and his pregnant cat, who was safely sealed in the hold.
Revived three million years later, Lister's only companions are a life form who evolved from his cat, and Arnold Rimmer, a hologram simulation of one of the dead crew.
I am Holly, the ship's computer, with an IQ of 6,000, the same IQ as 6,000 PE teachers.
