A stranger just grabbed my junk.

[Capn Flukie]

^ I like the why you think!

 

[Pingfah]

Some strange girl grabbed my crotch in the queue for a nightclub once, try as I might I couldn't muster up any annoyance about it though.

 

[An Officer]

We are not going to get in to a discussion about gender-based double standards in those rules, not again.

Who is "we"? If you don't want to discuss it, that's entirely up to you... do not however attempt to speak for others in definitives, particularly, Dukat or myself, whom you seem to be addressing... It is not[/] your place to do so.

 

[RevdKathy]

Being grabbed accidentally is always awkward for both parties. (Accidentally finding yourself with a handful is just as embarrassing as being grabbed!)

When it's deliberate and unwanted, it's unacceptable, even if the grabber (of whatever gender) is drunk. Although it probably happens a lot less frequently for men, in some ways it's more awkward: their primary sexual kit is grabbable (whereas a woman is more likely to be groped around the secondary characteristics). And there's the problem of admitting to minding: people see it as joke or as something he ought to have enjoyed.

Working in a mental hospital, I a always trying to convince my male colleagues that if a client is inappropriate they should report it. Being 'manly' and not saying anything doesn't help them - or the client who may well do it to someone who'll strike out. Unwanted groping really is a case of 'sauce for the goose', albeit less common.

I 'groped' someone's kit just once: he was a work colleague back when I was working in a pizza bar. His entertainment for making work 'fun' (for him) was to get large floury handprints on the uniforms of all the waitress, on boobs and bum. He tried it only twice with me: the second time I grabbed back. Oddly, not only did he not touch me again, he stopped doing it to the other girls too.

 

[Hermiod]

We are not going to get in to a discussion about gender-based double standards in those rules, not again.

Who is "we"? If you don't want to discuss it, that's entirely up to you... do not however attempt to speak for others in definitives, particularly, Dukat or myself, whom you seem to be addressing... It is your place to do so.

Well, don't say I didn't try.

Say 99% of guys aren't going to be all that bothered if a woman touches them in a manner that might be inappropriate. That does not remove the last 1%'s right to not want to be touched like that.

Elmo made a joke, sure, and two posters replied to her and said they'd been touched in a manner that they'd prefer not to happen again. If they'd felt that bad about it, they would have gone to the police, not a Star Trek message board.

For the life of me, I cannot see how that leads to the idea that many of the men on this board hate women or that the mods are allowing them to get away with it.

When it's deliberate and unwanted, it's unacceptable, even if the grabber (of whatever gender) is drunk. Although it probably happens a lot less frequently for men, in some ways it's more awkward: their primary sexual kit is grabbable (whereas a woman is more likely to be groped around the secondary characteristics). And there's the problem of admitting to minding: people see it as joke or as something he ought to have enjoyed.

Working in a mental hospital, I a always trying to convince my male colleagues that if a client is inappropriate they should report it. Being 'manly' and not saying anything doesn't help them - or the client who may well do it to someone who'll strike out. Unwanted groping really is a case of 'sauce for the goose', albeit less common.

This is exactly what I'm saying. The average guy might enjoy it but everyone, man, woman and child retains the right to not do so.

 

[Alaedhros]

Hey, was that an innuendo in my direction?

Pardon? I'm sorry, blaXXer, I'm not sure what you mean. Oh, right. No, I didn't imply you were getting on a high horse. Somebody else was.
Clumsy me, these past 10 days, I've repeatedly told myself I should quit posting altogether, because I geep getting in trouble I didn't bargain for.
I get almost a panic attack each time. Not good for me.

Oh, ria, please don't stop posting altogether. Obviously if it's causing you anxiety then you might consider posting less or changing when/where/how you post. However, I've read enough of your posts to know that you're an absolute sweetheart, and any "trouble" that you think you're in is probably a simple misunderstanding, as just happened with blaXXer here.

...I think speaks to a very palpable misogyny that seems to always simmer under the surface of this board.

I agree with you.

I didn't always think so, but recently, I notice it more and more often.

I'm in the same place. I started posting here in 2003, and for the first three years I didn't really notice it (although that could be I just wasn't looking). Over the past two years, though, I just see it more and more, and it's quite disheartening. I've thought about just leaving, but there are plenty of awesome, fun, smart, interesting folks here that I like.

This could be because, men out-number women here. It could be because the tone is consciously or unconsciously set by the moderators - all five of which are male I might add... this is probably a natural by product, rather than a deliberate policy, however, a ceratin level of underlying misogyny does exists, and it goes unchecked, at times.

I think the male-dominated membership is a big factor. I am very, very doubtful that the moderators set the tone in any way. It's true that there aren't any women Misc mods at the moment, but the male Misc mods all seem to be intelligent, mature, respectful folk. I could be off the mark, but I've never read any misogynistic attitudes in their posts or actions. (As well, we have a number of very fine women moderators on staff that I think would have no problem calling out any mistaken misogyny that might occur on part of the men mods.)

I am now rather disillusioned and very disappointed, to the point that I do not feel it's worth my time to even use the Notify button any longer. Apparently, I have to like it lump it, or fight it out in public and cause a mess. I guess that's what happens when you choose to hang out in a male dominated environement. Kind of a Gentleman's Club bias, if you will.

I recognise that you're probably frustrated, but maybe we shouldn't just put up with it? Maybe a mess is exactly what the board needs? I've tried to change a few opinions in private and haven't been successful; perhaps we should take a new tack? Gentelman's Club or no, there is never a good excuse for misogyny.

 

[Hermiod]

^In this thread, right now, where is this supposed misogyny ?

If anything, I see a three women telling two male posters that if they are touched in places they don't want to be, they should just put up with it. And if they don't like that idea then somehow it's because they can't take a joke ?

Oh, and given that Ria has labelled me a "misogynist" in the past because I thought one woman was doing a bad job, I don't think it's a result of any misunderstanding. It's because too many people on this board like to throw that word around like it's not a serious charge.

 

[blaXXer]

I'm getting mentioned in boldface. I'm shpeshial!

/don't grab my junk, tho

 

[RJDiogenes]

It first came to my attentiuon when someone posted in the "Who would you punch" topic... this person claimed they would like to "punch" Paris Hilton in the "vagina", so that she was unable to produce children. I am not a fan of Hilton, I couldn't care less about her, but that particular expression of genital violence was absolutely shocking to me, and I notified a moderator about it, for one of the few times during my entire tenure, and nothing, was done, not even a friendly.

Every day, I see a hundred things written here that I don't like; that doesn't mean they're actionable. I don't see what basis there is for intervening in that situation. Would you have been equally upset if someone expressed a desire to kick Tom Cruise in the nads to prevent him from reproducing?

 

[Temis the Vorta]

Hmm, "grabbed" sounds like wishful thinking on your part.

The only time I'd be happy if the guy grabbed (as opposed to accidentally brushed against) any or all my junk is if he bears an amazing resemblance to Joe Flanigan. Sadly, most guys look more like Rodney McKay, and even that's being generous.

Since Hermoid is in residence, I will also use Milo Ventimiglia as an example of an acceptable junk-grabber. Lessee, are there any other cute guys you have an internet vendetta against?

 

[Hermiod]

^You could do a lot worse than Rodney McKay!!!!!

Edit - I do not have a Internet vendetta against Ventimiglia!!! Quite the opposite, he's getting spat on by Heroes' writers.

 

[Markas]

I would brave junk-grabbing if we had a 5 Guys here. I'm feeling left out and hungry since I looked at their homepage.

 

[An Officer]

Every day, I see a hundred things written here that I don't like; that doesn't mean they're actionable. I don't see what basis there is for intervening in that situation. Would you have been equally upset if someone expressed a desire to kick Tom Cruise in the nads to prevent him from reproducing?

I am not speaking of "liking". The actionable basis is the threat of violence. I believe expressing a desire of wanting to cause physical harm to any sex, in a sexual sense, is completely unacceptable. I would expect at least an easy-going friendly in both instances.

...not to mention the potential problems giving free rein to a violent-minded thread might cause. I don't imagine Cruise or Hilton's agent would be gratified to read that sort of thing, and would be within their rights to ask for it to be closed, potentially under threat of legal action.

I would reasonably assume even in the States, that there might be laws against expressing physical violence against a named person, especially in public, and in writing.

I would prefer not to have to resort to listing all those reasons for being against a woman being "punched in the vagina". Women are still the ones who carry babies for 9 months in their womb, and produce children through hours of labour, out of their own genitalia, and it is for this reason that wanting to punch a woman in the vagina is more distasteful than wanting to punch a man on his "nads". Both are still and without a doubt, horrible, however.

 

[Holdfast]

Working in a mental hospital, I a always trying to convince my male colleagues that if a client is inappropriate they should report it.

The last patient who grabbed my junk was a demented lady in her 70s. I let her down gently...

 

[QCzar]

Working in a mental hospital, I a always trying to convince my male colleagues that if a client is inappropriate they should report it.

The last patient who grabbed my junk was a demented lady in her 70s. I let her down gently...

By touching her breasts? Sounds like an interesting "date".

 

[Hermiod]

I would prefer not to have to resort to listing all those reasons for being against a woman being "punched in the vagina". Women are still the ones who carry babies for 9 months in their womb, and produce children through hours of labour, out of their own genitalia, and it is for this reason that wanting to punch a woman in the vagina is more distasteful then wanting to punch a man on his "nads". Both are still and without a doubt horrible, however.

I don't disagree that threats of physical violence are horrible, and that wanting to see Paris Hilton injured in such a way that she can't have children anymore is an attack based on her gender.

However, kicking (or worse) a man in the balls is no different. It's an attack carried out on him because he's male. I've seen plenty of posts in my time laughing and joking about men being "Bobbitted".

 

[T'Baio]

Last night, my junk grabbed a stranger.

 

[An Officer]

However, kicking (or worse) a man in the balls is no different. It's an attack carried out on him because he's male. I've seen plenty of posts in my time laughing and joking about men being "Bobbitted".

Did you notify a mod at the time?
My point is this: I did notify a mod then and there, and zero action was taken, not even a polite private reply to me, nor a general friendly to the offender. This is the defining and significant point.

...Not to mention the general seeming acceptance of the violent nature of the thread in the first place.

 

[ria 75]

Before I catch up with this thread...

[snip]

Because I still have a little dignity left.

 

[Holdfast]

Working in a mental hospital, I a always trying to convince my male colleagues that if a client is inappropriate they should report it.

The last patient who grabbed my junk was a demented lady in her 70s. I let her down gently...

By touching her breasts? Sounds like an interesting "date".

You read my posts! I'm touched! Inappropriately.