A James Bond Fan Reviews the Franchise

[Rush Limborg]

Both actresses who played Domino were certainly gorgeous, but Claudine Auger in the original film was boring and wimpy. And Kim Basinger couldn't act her way out of a paper bag.

The coolest thing about Thunderball was the Disco Volante, the luxury yacht that was revealed to be a super-fast hydrofoil after shedding its back half. That was a real boat -- a full-scale practical effect. Today something like that would probably employ CGI and look slick but fake.

Having not seen NSNA, I can't comment on Kim Basinger. However, as for Claudine Auger, I have to disagree. She didn't seem boring or wimpy to me. In fact, she was the one who killed Largo.

Exactly. And frankly, she was something suprisingly rare in a Bond Girl--a sweet, innocent young woman discovering the heroine within herself, as she gives Bond the info he needs--and saves his life in the end.

As for the Disco Volante, I'll agree there. Practical effects almost always win the day over CGI.

Mm-hmm. I remember seeing that--and the jetpack in the beginning--and marvelling at how well those sequences were done--in the '60s!

Now I know--neither of them were faked. The jetpack was the real thing!

 

[Admiral Shran]

That was the same girl.

She was MI6's Chinese agent in Hong Kong who later aided Bond and Tanaka in Japan.

In the pre-credit sequence they were just starting to "get in the mood" when the gunmen came in. Then, later while Bond is getting a massage, she comes back and they finish what they started. It was her who got poisoned.

You're probably thinking of the female agent of Tanaka's who lured Bond into Tanaka's office. However, once Ling comes back into the picture, we never see that agent again.

What I find most odd is that Bond never slept with his Japanese "wife." They were about to do the deed when the submarine surfaced underneath them at the end of the movie and Moneypenny was able to stop them, much to her delight.

If you haven't seen the movie in a while, I can understand why it's confusing. There's Ling (who disappears only to come back later) the female Japanese agent (who does look a lot like Ling), all the massage girls, and Bond's "wife."

I'm sorry, that is completely and absolutely wrong. Ling, played by Tsai Chin, is the girl in Hong Kong. She's only in the pre-titles sequence. Tanaka's agent in Tokyo is Aki, played by Akiko Wakabayashi. She meets Bond at the sumo match, she rescues him from the gunmen outside Osato's office, she goes to Kobe Docks with him, she is the main Bond girl for the first two thirds of the movie. It's she who gets poisoned in bed with Bond. Miss Wakabayashi gets credited second after Connery, whereas Miss Chin is some way down the cast list. The track on the soundtrack album for her death scene is even called "The Death of Aki". And they don't look anything like each other. One's Chinese, the other's Japanese, for a start.

It seems you're right. I just watched those scenes over again and Ling only appears in the pre-credits sequence.

What confused me is that during the massage scene, Bond is clearly talking about how he was unable to to make love to Ling in Hong Kong, then Aki comes in and says that "tonight nobody will disturb you." I don't know what I was thinking to assume that this was Ling.

It's Aki he sleeps with for most of the movie and it's she who is poisoned. I can only assume I made this mistake because I was tired at the time I watched the movie. It was, after all 6:30 A.M. and I had just finished a nine hour shift at work on third shift.

My apologies.

However, this doesn't affect the That's Amore counter. Bond still slept with two women in YOLT - Aki and Miss Brandt, instead of Ling and Miss Brandt.

 

[Andrew_Kearley]

Fair enough. Do you think if you watched You Only Lived Twice again when you're less tired, you might give it a better score? Just kidding, obviously your opinion is completely valid. But for my money, it's far and away the best Bond movie of the 1960s.

 

[Saga]

You Only Live Twice is underrated. it is a bit over the top, as Shran pointed out, but i guess i just see that as the natural progression from the over the top shenanigans of Thunderball. as a kid i remember not liking YOLT much. as an adult i've come to enjoy it. plus it has one of the best theme songs.

and Ninjas. Ninjas Bond-san!

 

[Orcus]

Loving the reviews so far... A nice trip down memory lane for me and we've just wrapped up my favourite era of the franchise. Once the sixties ended it never got this good again (apart from about two or three exceptions).

I agree almost 100% with you, rating-wise. From Russia with Love and On Her Majesty's Secret Service are my two top-equal favourite in the series, however I have a little more fondness for You Only Live Twice though I'm biased: it was the first Bond film I saw and I rate Donald Pleasance's Bloefeld most highly...

I'm looking forward to your views on The Spy Who Loved Me, For Your Eyes Only and Goldeneye in due course...

 

[Starkers]

That was the same girl.

She was MI6's Chinese agent in Hong Kong who later aided Bond and Tanaka in Japan.

In the pre-credit sequence they were just starting to "get in the mood" when the gunmen came in. Then, later while Bond is getting a massage, she comes back and they finish what they started. It was her who got poisoned.

You're probably thinking of the female agent of Tanaka's who lured Bond into Tanaka's office. However, once Ling comes back into the picture, we never see that agent again.

What I find most odd is that Bond never slept with his Japanese "wife." They were about to do the deed when the submarine surfaced underneath them at the end of the movie and Moneypenny was able to stop them, much to her delight.

If you haven't seen the movie in a while, I can understand why it's confusing. There's Ling (who disappears only to come back later) the female Japanese agent (who does look a lot like Ling), all the massage girls, and Bond's "wife."

I'm sorry, that is completely and absolutely wrong. Ling, played by Tsai Chin, is the girl in Hong Kong. She's only in the pre-titles sequence. Tanaka's agent in Tokyo is Aki, played by Akiko Wakabayashi. She meets Bond at the sumo match, she rescues him from the gunmen outside Osato's office, she goes to Kobe Docks with him, she is the main Bond girl for the first two thirds of the movie. It's she who gets poisoned in bed with Bond. Miss Wakabayashi gets credited second after Connery, whereas Miss Chin is some way down the cast list. The track on the soundtrack album for her death scene is even called "The Death of Aki". And they don't look anything like each other. One's Chinese, the other's Japanese, for a start.

Glad you said that cos when I read the earlier post last night I thought I was going mad! It's a shame Aki dies because she has so much more presense than...well the other girl (I can't even remember the character's name! runs to google, ah yes Kissy) Wasn't the actress who played Kissy originally supposed to be Aki, but was so poor they had to recast, but gave her the Kissy role to allow her to save face? (I remember reading this in one Bond book or another, unsure how much truth there is to it)

YOLT is undertated. The ninja attack on the volcano is a fantastic spectable, love the space scenes and I particularly like the scene where Bond fights/runs from a load of bad guys at the docks. Lovely use of long shots and the old trick of a stuntman making a jump, then Connery coming out from behind the boxes!

 

[Admiral Shran]

Diamonds Are Forever (**)

When we last left Connery, he gave us our first average Bond film. Now, in his final appearance, since I'm not counting Never Say Never Again, he gives us our first below average one.

The biggest problem this movie has is that it has almost no connection to On Her Majesty's Secret Service. The closest we get is Bond's intensity in searching for Blofeld in the pre-credits sequence. His drive to hunt down and kill Blofeld makes perfect sense; the man did kill his wife after all. However, once Blofeld "dies" at the beginning, the movie becomes just another adventure for Bond. Even after Bond realizes that he's not dead, he doesn't act like it affects him the way it should. He starts treating Blofeld the same as he's treated all the villians up to this point. Even when he's intensely trying to find Blofeld, there is no explanation as to why. A few lines of dialogue would have sufficed. Something along the lines of "He killed my wife. Now where the hell is he!" Also, in the only scene with Moneypenny, she asks him to bring her back a wedding ring from The Netherlands. All I could think was "Damn, talk about insensitive!" But, Bond just shrugs it off like he does with all of Moneypenny's suggestions.

There are also two other problems with the movie, and their names are Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd. Talk about lackluster villians - they are not threatening at all. Instead they're laughably ridiculous. And Mr. Wint's line delivery is so bad that it makes Hayden Christensen in Stars Wars: Episode II: Attack of the Clones look like Sir Laurence Olivier. Okay, maybe it's not that bad, but it's close. Seriously, these two just suck the life out of the scenes they're in. Charles Gray doesn't do as good a job with Blofeld as Donald Pleasance or Telly Savalas, but compared to Wint and Kidd, he does okay.

However, it was good to see Connery put some of the ruthlessness back into Bond's character, which Lazenby's performance lacked. Being gentle and compassionate is all well and good, but sometimes you just got to bitchslap a woman across the face or rip her bra off and use it to strangle her. The music was also very well done. I won't say it's the best score thus far, but it's up there. And there's Jill St. John. Like Bond, I'm usually not one for redheads, but.... damn .

All in all, it's sad that Connery left in such a manner.

That's Amore: 17
Bond slept with Tiffany Case. Only one?! You're slipping James.

Body Count: 80 (+7)

 

[Andrew_Kearley]

I love Diamonds are Forever. It's an almost wilfully surreal Bond film. Sometimes, I have no idea what's going on - but I mean that in a good way. It just gets stranger and stranger. From the relatively simple plot about diamond smuggling, you get the funeral parlour, the secret lab where they're faking a Moon landing, the spoof on Howard Hughes. Wint and Kidd are hilarious - yeah, one of them can't act for toffee, but that makes the other's obvious adoring love for him even funnier. Charles Gray is great - and I mean, Blofeld in drag. It doesn't get better than this. It's also a very funny and entertaining film, the first of three great scripts from Tom Mankiewicz.

 

[Andrew_Kearley]

Glad you said that cos when I read the earlier post last night I thought I was going mad! It's a shame Aki dies because she has so much more presense than...well the other girl (I can't even remember the character's name! runs to google, ah yes Kissy) Wasn't the actress who played Kissy originally supposed to be Aki, but was so poor they had to recast, but gave her the Kissy role to allow her to save face? (I remember reading this in one Bond book or another, unsure how much truth there is to it)

Yeah, that's right. Apparently the actor playing Tiger told the director that the girl would go home and commit suicide if she was fired from the picture! I believe Akiko Wakabayashi was already cast as Kissy, but they switched the roles round as she could handle the English dialogue better and Aki had a lot more lines. It's perhaps not surpising you couldn't remember Kissy's name - it's not actually mentioned anywhere in the movie except on the end credits!

 

[scotpens]

. . . It's a shame Aki dies because she has so much more presense than...well the other girl (I can't even remember the character's name! runs to google, ah yes Kissy)

Kissy Suzuki was played by Mie Hama. She and Akiko Wakabayashi also co-starred in the Japanese spy adventure International Secret Police: Key of Keys, which Woody Allen re-dubbed to make the comedy What's Up, Tiger Lily?

Also, it's worth noting that in Ian Fleming’s “Blofeld Trilogy,” You Only Live Twice begins with Bond seeking revenge for his wife's death after the events of On Her Majesty's Secret Service. Except for the Japanese location and the names of some characters, the movie version of YOLT bears almost no resemblance to the book -- the first Bond movie to depart radically from Fleming's novels.

 

[Starkers]

Glad you said that cos when I read the earlier post last night I thought I was going mad! It's a shame Aki dies because she has so much more presense than...well the other girl (I can't even remember the character's name! runs to google, ah yes Kissy) Wasn't the actress who played Kissy originally supposed to be Aki, but was so poor they had to recast, but gave her the Kissy role to allow her to save face? (I remember reading this in one Bond book or another, unsure how much truth there is to it)

Yeah, that's right. Apparently the actor playing Tiger told the director that the girl would go home and commit suicide if she was fired from the picture! I believe Akiko Wakabayashi was already cast as Kissy, but they switched the roles round as she could handle the English dialogue better and Aki had a lot more lines. It's perhaps not surpising you couldn't remember Kissy's name - it's not actually mentioned anywhere in the movie except on the end credits!

Yeah if you're not even gonna give a character a name how are we supposed to care? (Clint Eastwood excepted!)

I like Diamonds, it certainly isn't one of the worst Bond films, but it's somewhat lacklustre. I mean, after a volcano and an alpine retreat, an oil rig seems somewhat lacking as an evil base of operations.

Personally Mr Wint and Mr Kidd help make the film watchable, even if one of them can't act for toffee! Gray is at least a better Blofeld than Savalas, but the disconnect between OHMSS and this...well I guess they were all kind of standalone.

"Right idea, Mr Bond..." "But wrong pussy!" Gotta love that exchange

 

[scotpens]

. . . From the relatively simple plot about diamond smuggling, you get the funeral parlour, the secret lab where they're faking a Moon landing, the spoof on Howard Hughes.

Nobody was “faking,” or planning to fake, a moon landing in Diamonds Are Forever. We saw a training facility with a simulated lunar surface for training future astronauts. DAF was released in 1971. Apollo 17, the last moon mission, took place in December 1972 and the whole “faked moon landing” conspiracy thing didn't really take off until several years after that.

 

[Saga]

i've never liked Diamonds Are Forever. but to each their own, i enjoy Moonraker and its often considered one of the worst.

 

[Rush Limborg]

I agree with Shran about Diamonds for the most part.

The Pre-Credits sequence was EXCELLENT--fast-paced, with Bond as ruthless, determined, and set on having his revenge on Bond.

There's also a brief reference to why Blofeld looks so different--there are a bunch of whigs and false faces in the lab. Still...I wish they would have shaved Charles Gray's head, so we could believe he's Blofeld. Here...he just looks ordinary. *sigh*

But after the opening theme...yeah. The story starts off pretty interesting (the "oven" scene was pretty tense!)--and Bond's cameraderie with Tiffany Chase was awesome througout the film (including her scenes in the climax, clad in a purple two-piecer...).

Still, it was pretty dull--not nearly as colorful and fun as any of the previous films, nothing to really make an audience lean forward and pay close attention to the events of the story (with the exception of Tiffany, of course). The pace was very slow, and the final battle on the rig was not particularly impressive or spectacular. (And Blofeld in his "Bathosub"--really, where did he come up with that name?) And of course...Tiffany's big mistake in switching the tapes back was groan-inducing.

BTW...when Bond comments on how he doesn't tend to care for redheads, it could well be a reference to Fiona from Thunderball and Miss Brandt from You Only Live Twice--both of whom were redheads--and both of whom were villainesses.

 

[Andrew_Kearley]

. . . From the relatively simple plot about diamond smuggling, you get the funeral parlour, the secret lab where they're faking a Moon landing, the spoof on Howard Hughes.

Nobody was “faking,” or planning to fake, a moon landing in Diamonds Are Forever. We saw a training facility with a simulated lunar surface for training future astronauts. DAF was released in 1971. Apollo 17, the last moon mission, took place in December 1972 and the whole “faked moon landing” conspiracy thing didn't really take off until several years after that.

Oh, lighten up! It's a Bond film, they don't take place in the real world. Anything's possible.

 

[Andrew_Kearley]

i've never liked Diamonds Are Forever. but to each their own, i enjoy Moonraker and its often considered one of the worst.

Moonraker is the best Bond film.

 

[Starkers]

Well I wouldn't go that far...but in certain circumstances Moonraker is a great Bond film to watch!

 

[Admiral Shran]

BTW...when Bond comments on how he doesn't tend to care for redheads could well be a reference to Fiona from Thunderball and Miss Brandt from You Only Live Twice--both of whom were redheads--and both of whom were villainesses.

Good point. I hadn't thought of that.

 

[Saga]

Well I wouldn't go that far...but in certain circumstances Moonraker is a great Bond film to watch!

agreed. i like it because its one of the first Bond movies i can remember watching. also, i just happen to like campy things and Moonraker is full of camp.

 

[Rush Limborg]

. . . From the relatively simple plot about diamond smuggling, you get the funeral parlour, the secret lab where they're faking a Moon landing, the spoof on Howard Hughes.

Nobody was “faking,” or planning to fake, a moon landing in Diamonds Are Forever. We saw a training facility with a simulated lunar surface for training future astronauts. DAF was released in 1971. Apollo 17, the last moon mission, took place in December 1972 and the whole “faked moon landing” conspiracy thing didn't really take off until several years after that.

Oh, lighten up! It's a Bond film, they don't take place in the real world. Anything's possible.

Who knows? Maybe the movie LAUNCHED the conspiracy theories!