DS9 Caption Contest 98: Hell to the Chief

[Smellincoffee]

This week we tackle the man who was dumped on so much through the seven-year run that they had to include waste reclamation in the station's design. He never broke, though -- wife possessed, child abducted by a time cave? At least there's Brazilian coffee, double-strong and double-sweet. Before we visit his misadventures, though, here are the best from Bashir's shenanigans.

Thanks for the win!

Data: I am sorry, but use of the sickbay is limited to ships medical personnel.
Bashir: You're not medical personnel.
Data: Intriguing. Fine, I didn't see you if you didn't see me.

Bashir: You say your name is Jeanie and you live in this bottle?
Jeanie: Yes, Master.
Bashir: Finally, a woman who will pay attention to me!

Despite his immense intelligence Julian could never work out why he was always found first when playing hide and seek!

EMH: I could have had a full head of hair!

BASHIR: And you seriously think Section 31 is going to win the war for the Federation? Even if you're super-corrupt and think Federation principles are stupid, I've never seen such ridiculous overly complex plans in all my life.
ADMIRAL: Yeah, we have a spy in their organization. Pretty much all they do is murder people now and then and grandstand about ends justify the means crap.

And finally...

BOND: One should never settle for a cheap imitation.
BASHIR: He's not talking about the wine, is he?

And now, the man the writers loved to abuse, Miles Edward O'Brien! LET HIM HAVE IT!

 

[Nerys Myk]

O'BRIEN: This game's bollocks. Let's go play cricket.

O'Brien should have stayed away from the brown acid.

 

[bbjeg]

O'Brien: I swear if Rom says that tenors joke one more time...
Rom (off screen): ...Get it? The team that plays after us...

 

[Nerys Myk]

O'BRIEN: We're over a century off. Can you imagine two bigger idiots?

LENNY & SQUIGGY: Hello!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

BASHIR: You know the logical way to prove Vulcans are better than humans? Baseball!
O'BRIEN: Quiet. If Vulcans think they've proven they're better than us they'll leave us alone when we go cure plagues and save the entire quadrant from Borg assimilation and Dominion slavery.

O'BRIEN: I'm detecting toxic levels of THC in the atmosphere. It must be the 60s.

7 WORST WEATHER DISASTERS AFFECTING STAR TREK ACTORS IN 2014 (SHOCKING)

QUARK: Chief...Tell Odo...I love...him...

O'BRIEN: Even my clones get tortured?

 

[JirinPanthosa]

Couldn't resist improving my previous submission.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Bashir: So let me get this straight. It's the 24th century, and still nobody's figured out the Infield Fly Rule?

Kira: Don't look now, Chief, but there's a Fear Clown and a Ferengi behind you.

O'Brien: You see? I was right all along! That cloud totally looks like a giant space hippopotamus! I CALLED IT!

Quark: You will find my secret stash of latinum in the cargo bay marked...aaaaaaaaaarrrrgh. (dies)

O'Brien: I don't believe it. You dragged me a dozen light years away from DS9 just to talk about Amway?!?!?

 

[Nerys Myk]

The DS9 Repertory Playhouse presents "Romeo and Juliette"

 

[Schistocerca]

Thanks for the win

Julian: Miles is there something wrong with your arm? You have kept it over your chest all afternoon.
Miles: Garak made these baseball shirts right? Well he and I have had our differences in the past.
Julian: Ok but what does that have to do with your arm over your chest?
Miles: Well all your shirts may say Niner.....but mine says Boner!

 

[Schistocerca]

After passing out drunk from drowning his sorrows after loosing big time at the dabo table, Quark was roughly roused by O'Brien.
Quark: What....what do you...want?
O'Brien: I just overheard a report from Odo that Quark's piston broke in his bar so I thought I'd better come down and repair it!

 

[Schistocerca]

Al: Well Sam, according to Ziggy you have leapt into the body of someone called Kira Nerys!
Sam Beckett: Oh boy!

 

[T'Girl]

Bashir: So let me get this straight. The shirts don't refer to the size of our penis'

O'Brien: They do, but in centimeters

Bashir: Damn the metric system

O'Brien: Okay you unwashed savages, let me go and I'll bring back the sun.

Quark: Okay, but no tongue.

 

[LeadHead]

Thanks for the win!

O'Brien: The A's traded Cespides? Don't they know he's a fan favorite?

O'Brien: Sorry, Major. Your earring's not in this time period either.

O'Brien: Once upon a time, there was an episode of Deep Space Nine that was a cautionary tale for Trek writers until "Threshold."

Odo: No, no. You're doing it wrong. Put your back into it.

O'Brien and O'Brien 2: I have a clone? He's the clone. What you mean, 'He's the Clone?'

Sisko: It's a good thing one of you is going to die in about 30 seconds.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Bashir: Wait, shouldn't there be horses?

O'Brien: I said Scotch. NEAT.

 

[Armored Saint]

Bashir: Wait, shouldn't there be horses?

O'BRIEN: We're not playing water polo, this is field hockey.

 

[LeadHead]

O'Brien: Do you think it would be cheating?

Bashir: Yes.

O'Brien: Oh, come on.

Bashir: You can't program the transporter to beam our pitches directly past the batter into the strike zone!

Quark quickly realized his "Arm Wrestling for free drinks" promotion was a major mistake.

 

[Schistocerca]

This is not what I meant when I suggested we used cloud storage!!!

 

[Schistocerca]

O'Brien: Well we could have afforded the new photon torpedoes if you hadn't blown the budget on fancy doors!

 

[Schistocerca]

Miles: Well there is one good thing about playing this archaic game.
Julian: Oh yes, what's that?
Miles: These baseball caps are perfect for hiding our bald spots!

 

[Finn]

*iPhone 5S rings*

Braga: Hey Rick

Berman: Brannon, it has been ages

Braga: You won't believe this. I caught this Deep Space Nine episode. One of those Torture Miles stories.

Berman: The one where he was in a mind jail?

Braga: No, where he was a clone


Berman: oh...

Braga: Know what came to mind?

Berman: Harry Kim?

Braga: Yeah, have the clone Harry get promoted before the clone dies

Berman: Yeah! That would have awesome!