TNG Caption This! #362: Finally's Part 1

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! An on time start! Yay!

First up to the plate, we have the "Like you're really gonna give it to someone else?" Award, going to:

PICARD: Mister Worf, we haven't decided who will be replacing Tasha yet.
WORF: Yeah, I'm just gonna take tactical.
PICARD: Mister Worf, it might not be you.
WORF: Okay. When you decide, you can find me at tactical.
RIKER: ...Let's just go get him his new gold pip.

Next, we have the "First world problems.... IN THE FUTURE!!!!" Award, going to:

Riker: Bloody Ebay security, it's only been a few weeks since I last had to change all my passwords because Yahoo had been compromised, I'm never going to be able to keep track of what code I'm using for which site now.

Next, we have the "Picard in the corner pocket" Award, going to:

Bolian: Why do you keep calling Captain Picard "Solids" and me "Stripes?"

Next, we have the "Starfleet Hazing" Award, going to:

WESLEY: Someone superglued me to the control panel again.

Next, we have the "Thanks to replicators, we've left that behind!" Award, going to:

PICARD: I'm a man of the 24th century, I couldn't steal any cookie from a cookie jar.

Our photoshop award, goes to:

WES: No really, that skinny kid is very good in this!

Picard: Captain's Log: The entire crew consulted the blueprints again. We then all turned in the correct direction. Finally, we sent Worf, but we still have not found the Head. I'm beginning to think Starfleet forgot to install it.

Wesley: According to this, the Bermuda shorts you ordered have been delayed. It'll be another two weeks.
Picard: Damn. There goes Casual Friday.

Many thanks to all who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, as we enter the summer, I decided to do something I've always wanted to do, a thread series on Season Finales. The episodes that either left us cliffhanging for the summer, or just left us wanting more, (or in the case of Season 2, wanting them to take a Mulligan)

So we will start our series with Season 1's "The Neutral Zone"

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Data: According to Earth history records, these flavors of ice cream were discontinued in the late 20th Century.

Worf: Worf to Enterprise. Mission Successful.

Riker: (over comm) You found the cryogenically frozen humans?

Worf: Whoops, I'll call you back.

Picard: And after further consideration, I think it is too hasty an assumption to say "He who smelt it, dealt it."

Picard: YOU were what was wrong with economics in the 20th Century!

Stewart: Don't worry, I've talked to the writers, they're not going to drag out the process of the Federation and the Romulans making peace.

Data: I have completed the calculations, Commander Riker growing a beard would not cause a massive breakdown in crew discipline.

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win, Leadhead!

Data The last time a starship named Enterprise recovered cryogenically preserved humans, it turned out to be Khan.

Worf: So, you're saying we should leave them frozen?

Data: No, I am saying we should do the sensible thing and look at who we will be restoring.

Worf: Where's the fun in that?

Data: Query, sir? Is there a plan for when you say "goose," or is it totally random?

Picard: Now you're just lying! There's no way the classic movie The Wolf of Wallstreet was based on your life history!

Picard: Captain's Log: I'm not sure how this got started, but suddenly, we're in a competition with the Romulan Commander and Sub-Commander for which commander and first-officer can make the best synchronized poses. Will and I have decided to go with our "Crossed arms/feigned indifference" pose, which won against that Klingon commander and first-officer last month.

Picard: Well, Mr. Data, after our first year together as a crew, I think it's quite obvious, seeing as how many of us have made it back and how many of you did not, Gold is the new Red.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: So you're claiming the outposts were destroyed by giant cubes crewed by some sort of cyborgs?

TEBOK: Yes and they destroyed your outposts as well.

PICARD: That sounds ridiculous! Take your ship and tall tales back to your side of the Neutral Zone!

TEBOK: Well, they can't say we didn't warn them.

 

[Merlanthe]

WORF: What is that strange pink creature attatched to this humans face?
DATA: I have not come accross such a species before. Maybe we should open the stasis pod and investigate before beaming the stasis pod aboard the ship.

WORF: It is no use Captain. You are too old and slow to have any success at musical chairs.

Picard: I can either explain everything in a long grand speech that i have ready prepared for just such an occasion or you can pull my finger. The choice is yours.

RIKER: I'm pretty sure when starfleet ordered us to intercept Romulan transmissions and learn everything we can they were refering to military transmissions not soap operas sir.
PICARD: Quite number one, i think T'plok is about to learn that K'polt is having an affair with the Bolian nanny who unbeknowst to them is secretly T'polk's long lost mother!

 

[Mr. Adventure]

Riker (quietly): "Sir, do you think these two are "more than just crewmates"?"
Romulan(quietly): "Sir, do you think these two are "more than just crewmates"?"

 

[Holdfast]

TFTW. Nice theme for this week's contest, too.

DATA: I believe it is a giant booger.

PICARD: I'm afraid your species isn't allowed up here. You have to sit at the back of the conference room.

PICARD: You think I'm going to ask you to pull it? No, I'm going to ask you to smell it. Yeah, that's Crusher, that is.

ROMULAN 1: They are a primitive species. See, they still haven't perfected the shoulderpad.

DATA: Yeah, I'm standing here playing with it. What you going to do about it?

 

[Mr. Adventure]

Picard: "No these uniforms don't leave much to the imagination...what're you getting at Mr. Data?"

 

[JirinPanthosa]

PICARD: Picard to Data. We have accessed the historical facial recognition database and have ascertained that the frozen man is in fact Khan Noonien Singh, a genetically enhanced historical dictator. Under no circumstances unfreeze that man.
DATA: Aye sir.
WORF: That settles that.
*credits roll*

PICARD: Number One, this is an intervention. You have got to stop bedding random Ensigns.
RIKER: I can't see how that's any of your...
PICARD: The last STD you got became sentient!

PICARD: So you see? 24th century people are WAY better than 20th century people.

DATA: I've been asked to pass along a message. You're both invited to our party!
ROMULAN: We were about to declare war on you, but that's such a nice gesture, we can't bring ourselves to it.

PICARD: Hey Data. How many 20th century people does it take to do calculus?
DATA: How many?
PICARD: I don't know! They're too busy shooting each other and rolling around in their own filth to learn it.
RIKER: Good one sir. 20th century people are horrible.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Data: "If we were to thaw her out, do you think Geordi would have a chance with her?"
Worf: "Don't make me laugh."

 

[2takesfrakes]

DORN: "Brent, look - is this? That looks like ... Denise!!! It is you! What are you doing back? I thought you quit the show? We even gave you a funeral. Worf has your job, by the way, so ... I don't think you're coming back."

SPINER: "Denise, honey ... how are we supposed to remember you, when you won't let us forget?"

CROSBY: "I'll be playing as my own daughter, soon!"

 

[Mojochi]

Data: Clearly, this one is freezer burned because they forgot his zip-loc resealable pouch.

Picard: You! A beard. You! Lose the bun, and you! Klingon hair & a more badass baldric. I'm thinking metallic. Good briefing. Dismissed

Picard: Fine! I'll cut the crap then. Capitalism died 5 minutes after you should have. Get over it.

Picard: If you were aiming for perfect symmetry, his black shoulder pad should be on the other side.

Data: You could call me Number Two if you really wanted to.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Picard: "I can't say I'm not disappointed. This is the kind of thing you should have been able to work out among yourselves without having to run to your captain for a decision. Nevertheless, I have decided: Worf, you will be Deanna's new boyfriend."

 

[Triskelion]

TFTW & new contest Leadhead!

Worf: Frigid bitch.
Data: Perhaps we should consult Chief O'Brien.

Picard: - And we're all going to sit here until I find out who reprogrammed my replicator to say "There can be no Earl Grey so long as Folgers crystals are absolute!"

Picard: We in the 24th century have evolved beyond economic systems! Now if you'll excuse me I have to go start a new cold war over natural resources and ethnonational differences.

Picard: We were hoping you could tell us where to find a good barber.
Ralph Offenhouse: They haven't got a clue! They're hoping you know. But they're too arrogant to ask!

Picard: And then you tell them we've evolved beyond condoms in the 24th century.
Data: Yes sir. Now about the Romulans....

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Data: "Frozen humans! I wonder why."
Worf: "It concerns me that we found them in the galley."

Picard: "Not another word out of you! I just found out that 'pyramid scheme' has nothing to do with ancient Egypt!"

 

[Smellincoffee]

Picard: I need my other uniforms altered, tailor. Make it sew!

Picard: Mr. Worf, you are "it". Count to 100, and the rest of us will go hide.

Romulan Commander: "Corbomite"?

Data: Based on historical records, this man appears to be Ross Perot, patiently waiting to mount another independent presidential bid.

Data, thinking: One day the Singularity will come. One fine day. And then the humans will regret their little jokes.

 

[Armored Saint]

Next, we have the "Thanks to replicators, we've left that behind!" Award, going to:

Thanks!

RALPH: So, my buddy Bernie Madoff is one of your ancestry?
PICARD: Exactly and you were right to trust him! Don't hesitate to make business with me!

RALPH:...one of my companies was about to discover the perfect cure for baldness...
PICARD: Don't worry mistah Offenhouse, we'll do anything necessary to rebuild your empire!

RIKER: Sir, weren't they good-looking vulcanoids in the 23rd century?
PICARD: Numbah One, I think we now know why they didn't show their face for the last eighty years.

PICARD: My dear Gul Dukat, that's the worse Romulan disguise ever.
THEI: What does he mean Commander? Why did he call you a Cardassian?
RIKER: Remove that stupid wig """"Subcommander"""", Romulans don't have pale ridged faces.

 

[Armored Saint]

DATA: Data to Enterprise, none of these pods contains Walt Disney. Captain, perhaps you should accept that it was only an urban legend.

 

[inflatabledalek]

TFTW LH!

Revealed at last, how Patrick Stewart hasn't aged in thirty years.

Worf: So when do I actually get the gold uniform then?

Picard: Hey, I know you! You're that bloke offa Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan! That title was marginally misleading you know.

Captain's Log Stardate 4199.56: Barely a year into our mission and we've already found success, finding the one species in the Universe with worse uniforms than us.

Spiner: Yeah, you and me mate. We're the real leads of this show. Screw Frakes.

 

[Armored Saint]