TNG Caption This! #361: Inquiry

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! Sorry about not getting this one going on Saturday or sunday. But it's a holiday weekend, so technically, it's still the weekend! Yay technicalities!

First up to the plate, we have the "Game shows OF THE FUTURE!" Award, going to:

Announcer: Now watch the Ventaxian team challenge the Starfleet team! One team will walk away with glory and riches... the other will suffer an ignoble death!

Picard: Death!? Mr. Worf, I thought you were booking us on Family Feud!

Worf: Yes, sir. Klingon Family Feud!

Next, we have the "Ripping off Tom Hanks" Award, going to:

WESLEY: I wished I was big.

Next, we have the "Antropology" Award, going to:

DATA: I am afraid your information about Earth customs is centuries out of date. Geordi did not intentionally, "Leave you hanging".

Next, we have the "Aftermath" Award, going to:

Riker: Mr. Worf, that...that wasn't the stun setting.

Worf: I know, Sir. I just really, really hate Romulans.

Next, we have the "Bad Investigations" Award, going to:

Devos: "Is this your missing captain?"
Riker: "No."
Devos: "But...he fits the description."
Riker: "Look, you have got to stop dragging every bald man you find in here!"

Our Photoshop award, goes to:

WORF: Children, smoking is without honor!

First Officer's Personal Log: The Captain's barbecue was a disaster. Again.

Riker: The captain thinks very highly of you, sir.
Guy: Well,that's quite a compliment.
Riker: Yes sir, he really looks up to you.
Picard: Are you going to do this all night, Will?
Riker: I think he's up for it.

Congratulations to our winners and many thanks to everyone who participated!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Worf: (muttering under his breath) Yeah Worf, work the Helm when Geordi has to go to the bathroom then go back to your station in the back. And be quiet. Jerks.

Riker: You sunk my battleship.

Picard: Ah, yes. Allow me to introduce my fiancce, Vash.

Crusher: (thinking) WTF?

Wesley: Are you sure this is the best use of my time, Commander?

Riker: Yes, Mister Crusher.

Wesley: Okay, you have poked Counselor Troi.

Riker: Now, we wait...

Picard: I'm glad all of you could make it, becaise at the end of this scene I am going to give an awesome speech.

 

[Armored Saint]

Thanks for the photoshop award.

CRUSHER: Hmmm a bald blue Bolian head! I LOVE BALD BLUE BOLIAN HEADS! ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE BALD! DO YOU HEAR ME JEAN-LUC, I'LL PLAY DOCTOR WITH THIS CHARMING BALD MAN! I DON'T NEED A PSEUDO-ARCHAEOLOGIST WHEN I HAVE A BOLIAN!

ADMIRAL (os): Jean-Luc...Jean Luc? Commander Riker? Okay, enough gentlemen, the skirts and skants are withdrawn from Starfleet uniform code.

PICARD: My name is Jean-Luc.
All: Hi Jean Luc!
PICARD: Since I'v lost the Stargazer, I always put whiskey in my Earl Grey.

RIKER: Geez, this kid's just a fucking boring nerd. The young Kurland must be really desperate to be his friend.

RIKER: What's the name of this Ensign?
WORF: Ensign Ny-Sass...for a human.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

PICARD: Mister Worf, we haven't decided who will be replacing Tasha yet.
WORF: Yeah, I'm just gonna take tactical.
PICARD: Mister Worf, it might not be you.
WORF: Okay. When you decide, you can find me at tactical.
RIKER: ...Let's just go get him his new gold pip.

RIKER: Mister Worf, why did you draw the Enterprise on every console in engineering?
WORF: Geordi pissed me off and I didn't feel like thrashing a blind man.

BOLIAN: So, word has it you're into bald guys.

RIKER: Is that Galaga?
WESLEY: I'm a few levels away from the all time record!

ADMIRAL SATIE: I'VE TAKEN DOWN BIGGER MEN THAN YOU PEE-CARD!!!!
PICARD: You do realize I'm the most connected man in Starfleet and you're accusing me of treason while raving like a psychopath, right?
ADMIRAL SATIE: Err...crap.

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: Worf says he's gonna kick the ass of the next alien invader who walks through the door.

PICARD: Oh, this should be good.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: Well, since everyone is here, how about a few tunes on the Ressikan flute?

SATIE: Case dismissed!!!

 

[shivkala]

Picard: Captain's Log: The entire crew consulted the blueprints again. We then all turned in the correct direction. Finally, we sent Worf, but we still have not found the Head. I'm beginning to think Starfleet forgot to install it.

Worf: Sir, you have no idea what you are doing, do you?

Riker: I've seen Geordi do this a million times, it should be easy. Wait, maybe I need to close the emergency door, roll under it before being trapped, and then do this. Works for Geordi.

Beverly: (to herself) "There is no amount of Romulan Ale that can make this blowhard tolerable. Even Jean-Luc is more interesting than this Bolian!

Wesley: I've almost decrypted the Playboy Channel, as you asked, sir.

Picard: You're doing God's work, Ensign Crusher. God's work. indeed!

Picard: You know, there are some words I've known since I was a schoolboy: "Yes, they deserved to die and I hope they burn in Hell!" Wait. That's not it. Anyway, those words, what were they? Oh, yes: "You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!" No, that's not it, either. I got it! "You’re out of order! You’re out of order! The whole trial is out of order! They’re out of order!" Hold on, wait, wait... "With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censured, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably."

(to himself) Nailed it!

 

[Armored Saint]

ADMIRAL SATIE: I'VE TAKEN DOWN BIGGER MEN THAN YOU PEE-CARD!!!!
PICARD: You do realize I'm the most connected man in Starfleet and you're accusing me of treason while raving like a psychopath, right?

GENESTRA: Connected because your body is still full of Borg implants, not because of your friends, because everybody knows how it turns for your friends.
PICARD: DOH!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Crusher: "Well! I have to admit I've never heard that pick up line before! Unfortunately for you, though, I happen to know that yours are supposed to be blue!"

 

[Armored Saint]

CRUSHER:...and you say you were?
TOBIAS: Analrapist, because I was both an analyst and a therapist, but now, I'm an actor. I'm in the Blue Man Group.

 

[Nebusj]

Worf: ``Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I'm going to the garden to eat worms!''
Picard: ``That doesn't work when you have gagh four times a week.''

Riker: ``I love these cocktail table Joust games.''
Worf: ``How did I tilt?''

Crusher: ``Why am I never drunk enough to be having conversations with this crew?''

Wesley: ``Well, it works in Kerbal Space Program.''

Picard: ``And thank you all for attending my one-man show, Mark Twain Tonight.''
Troi: ``So wrong.''

 

[AgentCoop]

Thanks for the win!

Worf: Why do I always have to answer the door?
Picard: Because you scare away the salesmen.

Riker: Let's see...here we go! Game Of Thrones!
Worf: No spoilers! I'm not caught up!

Announcer: Little did Picard know that Beverly had secretly switched his usual Earl Gray tea with Folger's coffee. Let's see what happens...

Wesley: According to this, the Bermuda shorts you ordered have been delayed. It'll be another two weeks.
Picard: Damn. There goes Casual Friday.

Picard: So, is anyone here from out of town?


And here's some Photoshoppy silliness:

Wesley: Sir, aren't we supposed to be evacuating those endangered colonists?
Picard: As soon as I find out who wins.

 

[Triskelion]

Bolian: Why do you keep calling Captain Picard "Solids" and me "Stripes?"

Picard: Yes yes, we've all seen your catwalk strut, Miss Congeniality.
Worf: Miss Uncongeniality.
Picard: Of course. Klingon pageant.

Audience: Ooooh! Aaaaah!
Picard: I resent being the ship's Pink Floyd Laser Light Show.

Picard; Wesley, you bear a striking resemblance to one of my Starfleet Academy heroes.
Wesley: Ohhh?
Picard: Bob's Big Boy.
Wesley: Awww.

Worf: Bigger.
Riker:<pushes buttons>
Worf: Rounder.
Riker:<pushes buttons>
Worf: Bouncier
Riker:<pushes buttons>
Worf: More ridges.
Riker:....................<pushes buttons>

 

[Armored Saint]

VIRTUAL PICARD: Genius Acting Ensign Crusher, set course for Vulcan. Warp six.
WESLEY: Aye sir!
PICARD: So, he passes his whole time to play a simulator game where he's the Enteprise's helmsman?
RIKER: Yup, that's why he has so poor grades.

 

[Armored Saint]

PICARD: Authorisation, Picard Alpha-Six-Nine
RIKER: Authorisation, Riker Romeo-One-Eight
COMPUTER: All parental controls suspended for the boy.
WESLEY: Computer, two Bolian college girls and an Orion female instructor.
RIKER: That should keep him in his quarters until he joins the Academy in some months.
PICARD: I hope I slept with the good person this time.

 

[T'Girl]

n?

Worf: "That crewman is urinating into a access panel!"

Riker: "We've been through this Worf, the ship has no toilets and Humans can't simply hold it for months on end."

Worf: "Your species is weak Commander"

 

[ThankQ]

You sank my battleship without honor!

 

[Holdfast]

PICARD, RIKER, LAFORGE, DATA (in unison): Dat ass.

RIKER: It's called Hearthstone. I promised myself that I'd never pay for cards. I failed.

CRUSHER (thinking): I hope Jean-Luc's as bored as I am.

WESLEY: Someone superglued me to the control panel again.

Picard was easily sold on the Emperor's New Toilet Walls.

 

[Armored Saint]

STEWART: If I apologize for Nemesis? Of course I do. I apologize for not having asked a scene where I savagely bang Dina Meyer.

 

[Nerys Myk]

WES: No really, that skinny kid is very good in this!