Things people often say you find amusing...

Ugh, I've been that guy too many times. I often do inventory at the bar where I work, which requires me to actually step behind the bar. So people come up and try to order things from me because I'm behind the bar, and I just want to wear a big sign that says, "I'm not really here! Don't look at me!"

 

How about a t-shirt with "I'm just taking inventory" written on the back?

Found it!

 

You know, I am the one in charge of designing and ordering all of our T-shirts.

 

you should take advantage of that!

 

I did that a couple of months ago. I was grocery shopping, and there was someone setting up an endcap, so I approached him to ask where I could find what I was looking for. Turned out he was just a Coca-Cola delivery guy. (In my defense, he had his back to me, and was wearing the same colour shirt that the staff in that supermarket wear.)

 

"Does this dress make me look fat?"

 

the classical potentially lethal question. The only way to survive is to tell her she looks great in that dress but in that other one (in which she looks slimmer - which, needless to say - you don't mention) she just looks gorgeous!

 

Guys, if a woman ever says that to you, my advice is this: Flee the country.

 

A variation on it is when they're admiring themselves nude in the mirror: "I don't think I look fat, do you?"

They're testing you to see if you're going to get any.

 

^ Get any!

Now calling sex that amuses me.

When ever I have a customer ask me if I work here, I'll just say yes and ask how can I help.

 

Tried that, didn't work.

 

aww Maybe she was too intelligent and saw through your compliment.

 

Definitely, you can't play tricks with her.

 

I'm in the process of arguing this with my best friend / co-owner of our jam business. I say "hand-crafted" is a better term, since we are indeed cooking in a commercial, health department-approved kitchen, not our home kitchens, although it is small batch and we do all the cutting and mixing and canning by hand. She thinks "homemade" is fine. But then it opens up questions like "is it legal for you to sell this?" which I hate having to answer with the long "It's not really made in my house, we cook in a commercial kitchen, blah blah blah..."

 

A very good point. Hand-crafted sounds really good, imo. Or how about:
Made in the old-fashioned way: by hand, with love.

Whenever someone mentions jam I am reminded of something I once heard: "and from the blossom-dreams of spring in fall we cook jam" - I love that deep fall from romantic poetry to good old honest down-to-earth jam

 

Just as long as you don't label it with the overused word "artisan."

 

Never. We're too weird for such a pretentious word. We make banana-pineapple-coconut jam, after all.

 

jam jars of the Caribbean

Have you tried plum/coconut yet? One of my mom's best inventions. My best experiment so far was mango-nectarine with roasted almond flakes.

 

It was a particularly bad year for stone fruit here (we try to keep things as local and in season as possible) but I'll have to make note of those two for next year. You never know what a customer will fall in love with!

Have I hijacked this thread? lol

 

I get approached by panhandlers several times a week while walking to the store 3 blocks away. First, they ask for money. "No." Then they ask for a cigarette. "No." Then they ask for a light. "No."

If you don't have a cigarette (and aren't obviously carrying a pack), why the f**k do they ask for a light?